


Singing In the Shower; Dancing In the Mirror

by This_GuyCrowleysGirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Ben is a baby for most of the fic, Cas is a Shurley, Chuck fakes suicide and Cas finds out, Consensual Underage Sex, Dean comes to the rescue for his brobro and his boyfriend, Depressed Sam, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Gabriel sees through their bullshiting, Heartbroken Cas, Jess Dies... I know, Jess and Sammy W. and Babe Gabe have a threesome!, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Lisa is a Bitch, M/M, Multi, Past Abuse, Past Castiel/Amelia Novak, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Protective brothers, Raphael is a dick and tries to kill Cas..., Sam knew from the begining, So does Sam, The Winchesters Speak French!, Underage Drinking, Unhappy Dean, depressed Cas, lol im done now, no im not, shit's complicated between Dean and Cas, shut up because Jimmy doesn't fucking exist... 'scuse my french, this story is complicated but you'll get it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2018-09-04
Packaged: 2018-11-15 00:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 42
Words: 43,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11219406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_GuyCrowleysGirl/pseuds/This_GuyCrowleysGirl
Summary: Dean and Sam move in next door to Castiel Shurley, a world famous singer/songwriter, who is also a recluse. Destiel ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

Singing in the shower, is not at all the strangest way to meet the love of your life. No way is it the weirdest thing ever. Dean thought it was awkward as shit when he heard a voice singing parts of the songs he would sing in the shower.

 

"Hey. Hi! I'm Dean Winchester, I'm moving in next door with muh brother, Sammy. Sorry for the noise and stuff." Dean stuck out his hand and smiled at the raven haired man who had opened the door. 

"Good to know. My name is Castiel." The man said.

"Castiel, like Castiel Shurly?" Dean cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah... Um, don't tell anyone you live next door to me." Castiel said, shifting from foot to foot.

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I'm gonna, go now." Dean smiled shyly, almost running back to Sam in their new apartment.

 

"Dude, what's up with you?" Sam nudged him under the table.

"Uh, nothin'." Dean smiled at his little brother. "I'm gonna order pizza tonight, 'Kay?" Sam nodded.

"Castiel Shurly lives next door to us." Dean said quickly.

"I know, Dean. Don't mess this up okay?" Sam smiled at him, gently brushing his hand over the back of Dean's neck. Dean swatted at his hand.

"How am I gonna mess this up, Sammy?" 

"You'll get a restraining order put on us! I know how much you like his music. And don't sing in the shower. It'll creep him out even more that you learning his schedule so you know where he is at every moment." Sam cackled and ran out of the room before Dean could succeed at hitting him with a pillow.

Dean scanned the apartment. It was a one bedroom, one bath. The kitchen was small, and the couch took up most of the living room, but it was home. 'Cause it was all they could afford. Sam probably hated him, Dean thought. One bed for the two of them. A case of murder would probably turn up in the news, reporting that a Samuel Winchester had killed his older brother for making them sleep together.

The door bell rang, and they ate in silence.

"Gonna take a shower. Clean this stuff up will ya?" Dean grabbed a towel and locked the door.

Starting the shower, Dean began to hum. Swaying his head slightly, he began to sing.

One pill make you larger  
One pill makes you small  
And the ones that mother give you,  
Don't do anything at all

Dean began to wash, all the while singing. Suddenly a voice joined in. Dean blushed, and frowned.

When the men on the chessboard  
Get up and tell you where to go,  
And you've just had some kind of mushroom  
And your mind is moving low  
Go ask Alice  
I think she'll know 

Dean switched off the water and dried off quickly. He fell into bed next to Sam. 

"Are you going to go to sleep anytime soon?" Dean asked, poking Sam's leg.

"No, I gotta study for a test." Sam flipped the page.

"Oh. I'll go sleep on the couch." Dean moved to grab his pillow. 

"No, I can study in the dining room. Get some rest. And Dean? Thanks, for everything." Sam closed their door.

Dean fell asleep dreaming of dark hair, and a beautiful voice.


	2. Chapter 2

"Dean, if you don't hurry the hell up, we're both gonna be late, for everything!" Sam yelled through the doorway.

"I'm comin'! Just can't find my... Oh, thanks." Sam tossed his brother his keys. 

"Come on Dean." 

 

"Okay, have a good day." Dean leaned against the Impala, and waved.

"Hello Dean." Castiel rounded the side of the Impala. 

"Heya, Mr. Shurly." Dean smiled shyly.

"Please, it's Castiel. How are you this morning, Dean?" Castiel gazed pensively at Dean.

"Fine. You?" Dean fidgeted. He was speaking to the most famous musician in the world.

"Good. I'm doing quite well. I was just passing through the area, and I happened to see you and your absolutely beautiful car. Well, it was nice seeing you. Remember, if you need anything just ask. We are neighbors after all!" Cas called cheerily.

"Yup..." Dean waved. 

That night was a repeat of the singing phenomenon, only to Ramblin' Man by The Allman Brothers Band.

Dean was flustered, someone was singing duets with him in the shower. 

 

Cas started being around after their initial meeting. And every day, Dean was joined by a voice in the shower.

"Hello Dean!" Cas called in the hallway.  
"Heya, Mr. Shurly." Dean ducked his head, and smiled shyly.  
"It's Castiel, please." The other man said boarding the elevator next to Dean. That night it was Chicago by Frank Senatra.

"Good morning, Dean."  
"Hey Castiel."   
They passed coming and going in the hall as Dean returned from another job interview. That night it was Heat of The Moment by Asia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constrictive criticism, pretty please.... Oh and, I forgot to mention this when i first posted this, but... I have a thing called Rules and Regulations going up... Please read it if you like my work. Thanks.. I love you all already. *wet sloppy kisses*


	3. Chapter 3

"Have a good night, Dean?" Castiel would ask in the morning after Dean was out all night.  
"Oh yeah." Dean would nod. Sam would roll his eyes, and usher his brother out of the building. Dean would sometimes turn back to Cas and hold up two thumbs and wink. Cas would smile and shake his head. One night it was You Shook Me All Night Long. Another it was You Shook Me by Led Zeppelin.

"Hello Dean." Cas passed Dean sitting in the hallway. "What are you doing out here? Did you and Sam have an argument?"  
"Nah, I just left my keys inside. Gotta wait for Gigantor to get home and let me in." Dean said looking up at the blue eyed man.  
"Why don't you come inside, for a cup of coffee?" Cas said offering his hand to the sitting Winchester.  
"Sure, why not. I'm gonna be here for a while, what could it hurt bein' next door?" Dean took the hand and stood.

The men sat and silence for a few minutes, looking into their cups. Dean bit his lip and started.

"So how was your day?"   
"It was good. And yours?"  
"Busy. Had five job interviews. I wish I had a time turner, go back and do it again so I could get the jobs... Or just one." Dean sighed.  
"You'll get a job. Don't worry."  
"Yeah." Dean took a sip of coffee.   
There was a beat of silence.   
"What type of job are you trying to obtain?" Castiel asked gently.  
"Anything at this point. I'm not exactly qualified for much. I dropped outta high school. I don't have a degree. So, waitin' tables is okay, I guess. I did that for a bit, a while back." Dean shrugged.  
"I'm sure that's not true. Dean, I'm very certain that you could get any job you wanted. People today underestimate those without standard educations. Education appears to matter a lot in the world, but the government doesn't fund programs enough, and many people don't get the educations they need. You'll find a job that suits you."   
Dean smiled, and ducked his head. And the bell rang. It was Sam. That night it was Knockin' On Heaven's Door by Guns N' Roses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive Criticism! Thanks for reading. I greatly appreciate the Kudos and Comments! Love you guys!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second chapter going up today due to the fact that I have a week left at home. Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave kind comments! As Thumper said in Bambi, "If you don't got nothin' nice to say, dont say nothin' at all!" Love you guys.

"Heya, Castiel." Dean smiled as Castiel turned around on the line at the grocery store.  
"Hello Dean. How are you?" Cas said moving up into the space in front of him.  
"I'm good. You?"   
"I'm well. How's your brother?"   
"Stressed. Midterms are just around the corner. I don't get it though. The kid's passed every test he's ever taken with flying colors. Even his driving test. And he still freaks out when it's time to take one."  
Castiel laughed.  
"I wish I had had that type of success during my schooling."  
"Don't we all, dude?" Dean smiled. It was Cas's turn at the register.  
"Well, tell him I wish him good luck. Although it sounds as though he doesn't need it."   
"Well I do. Putin' up with his lack of sleeping and eating is a bitch." Dean laughed. "Hey Cas, you want a ride home?"  
"That would be wonderful. Thank you."   
Fly Me To The Moon was sung by the pair that night.

One morning Dean thought he overslept. In a hurry, he didn't have time to make Sam breakfast.  
Dean rapped on Castiel's door.   
"Hey Cas."  
"Hello Dean. Is everything alright?"  
"Not really. I'm running late for an interview, and I can't make breakfast for Sam like a usually do. Do you mind just whipping something up quick for him?"  
"No, not at all. I'd be happy to. Good luck to day Dean." Cas called after Dean.  
"Thanks, Cas!" Dean called back as the elevator doors closed. 

From then on, if Dean needed anything for Sam, Cas would step in to help.

"Hey, Cas." Dean said tiredly.  
"Hello Dean. Did you make your interview?"  
"Yeah, I got there early, actually. Didn't get the job though."   
"Oh, I'm sorry to here that."  
Dean unbuttoned the top of his dress shirt. "Eh, it's no big deal."   
"Do you need anything?" Castiel's eyes flickered to Dean's exposed collar bone.  
"Nah, I think we're good."  
"Dean, I wasn't asking about you and Sam. I was asking about you."  
"Oh." Dean said, dumbfounded. He flushed red. "No. I think I'm okay. Thanks for asking, Cas."  
"It's is not a problem." Cas smiled. "And you keep calling me Cas?"  
"Oh, shit, sorry." Dean stumbled over his words.  
"It's okay, Dean. I like it."   
Dean's eyes widened and his pupils dilated. "Okay, cool. Uh, see you later." Dean fumbled for his keys. That night it was Lodi by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

 

"Dean! What's for dinner?" Sam burst through their door.

"Chinese?" Dean said, as Sam slid up beside him on the couch.

"Yeah. Sounds good." Sam nodded. 

"Beer, baby bro?" Dean nudged his brother. He nodded.

Dean ordered, and there was a knock at the door. 

"That was fast." Sam mumbled unlocking the door. "Oh, hey Mr. Shurly." 

"It's Castiel, Sam. How are you today?" Cas asked.

"Okay thanks, wanna come in? Dean's in the back."

"Uhh, if it's okay with your brother."

"DEAN! Castiel is here!"

"LET EM IN SAMMY!" Dean called back, opening the bedroom door. "I'll be out in a sec."

"Come on in."

"Hey Cas! Wanna beer? We were just ordering some take out."

"Thank you Dean. I came to ask you and your brother if you would like to join me at a party. I'm being asked to bring guests, and I thought you might like to come."

"Umm, you don't want people like us at a fancy party..." Sam and Dean said in tandem.

"Sure I do. It would be rude if I didn't at least ask if you wanted to attend. If you're going to attend, feel free to bring a date."   
There was an awkward pause.  
"I'll see myself out." 

"Cas! Wait, um, I wanted to give you the key to the apartment, ya know just in case, something happens." Dean stuck out his extra key. 

"You should give that to family Dean." Cas turned to leave again.

"Cas," Dean slid out the door, closing it gently after him. "Me and Sam don't have family. We move out here cause our dad passed, and Sam wanted to go to college. My mom died when I was four. So... Yeah."

"I'm sorry Dean." Cas rested a hand on Dean's shoulder. 

"It's, ah, fine. Just take the key, Cas." Dean shrunk back against the door. Cas withdrew his hand.

"I'm sorry, is this 2A? Dean?" The delivery man asked. Cas stepped back.

"Sammy, get my wallet."

"Dean I got it. You paid last night."

"Sam, get my damn wallet."

"Nope, I'm paying." The door closed again.

"Good night, Dean."

"Uhh, night Cas." 

"Here you go, have a good night."

 

That night as Dean got in the shower he thought about what song he should sing.

Well you've got your diamonds   
And you've got your pretty clothes  
And the chauffeur drives your car  
You let everybody know

Dean sat down in the shower. 

But don't play with me cause your playin' with fire   
Your mother she's an heiress, owns a block in St. John's wood  
And your father'd be there with her if he only could

A tear rolled down Dean's cheek. He sung back.

But don't you play with me cause your playin' with fire  
Your old man took her diamond's and tiaras by the score  
Now she gets her kicks in Stepney  
Not in Knightsbridge anymore

Castiel leaned on his bathroom wall.

 

So don't you play with me cause your playin' with fire   
Now you've got some diamonds and you will have some others  
But you'd better watch your step girl,   
Or start living with your mother 

Dean sighed. 

So don't play with me cause your playin' with fire   
So don't you play with me cause your playin' with fire 

Dean switched off the water. 

He didn't sleep that night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one out of boredom.

"What's been eating at you?" Sam laid back on their pillows.

"Nothin." Dean shrugged, rolling into his brother's leg.

"Dean, cut the shit." Sam ran a hand through Dean's hair. "You know I can see right through it, right?"

"Yeah, yeah... I told Cas about mom and dad. I don't know why."

"I do. You trust him."

"Sam, we promised each other, I promised you, that I wouldn't tell anyone about this. A fresh start. Brand new, no one knows about us, keep it that way. Man, I'm surprised you haven't tried to kill me yet. I mean, we live in a one room apartment, and we share a bed. I'm unemployed, and I just spilled our biggest secret to a famous person."

"Shut up! I don't hate you! I can't, because you gave me everything. I don't care that you just spilled your guts to a famous musician. Man, you give up so much for me. You always have. Just because we've only ever had enough money to have one bedroom doesn't mean that I'm gonna stone you. And it's not your fault that your unemployed. Dad, he was great. But he didn't give us anything. He didn't do shit for us. He didn't even leave us the damn shop!"

Sam gripped Dean's hair hard.

"Look at me Dean. I don't care that we share a bed. It's a little inconvenient, but you're my brother, and forgive me for being mushy, but Dean. I love you. You raised me, cause dad wouldn't. Even when you were having a hard time. You made sure I got food, even if it meant forgoing your own meal. You got me to school and back, safely. You made me who I am, Dean. So I don't care that you told someone the truth. It means you trust him. And that's healthy."

Sam yanked Dean's hair once and rolled off the bed. 

"I know you gave 'im the spare key, too."

Dean face-palmed and groaned. 

"Sammy! Come back in here, and kill me."

"No can do, big bro!"

Sam slept curled around Dean that night.

 

"Dean!" Castiel popped his head out of his door.

"Heya, Cas. What's up man?"

"Are you and your brother going to be joining me, at the party?"

"Uhh, yeah... Why the hell not, huh?" Dean turned and smiled. "Hey, I'm going to the deli around the corner, wan' anything?"

"No thank you. But I could walk with you if you don't mind the company?" Cas grabbed his coat off the back of his door.

"Sure, come on."

 

"So, why do you live here? Why not live in some fancy ass mansion, in Beverly Hills?" Dean grabbed a bag of chips Sam liked.

"I'm slightly more modest than your average celebrity, Dean. My brothers love to flaunt their assets, but I didn't see the appeal to that side of this life. But, you already knew that." Cas leaned against the counter as Dean payed.

"Yeah, so what if I did. And how did you know that I did?" Dean turned to look at Cas at the cross walk.

"I saw my memoir on your bookshelf. I'm quite observant."

"Yeah. I know. Don't you think it's weird that I already know so much about you, Cas? I mean, I feel like a fucking stalker."

"No, it's like having a preprogrammed friend. No offense."

"No man it's cool, but don't you have friends? I mean you're famous after all."

"Modesty, it comes with a price. Not many people want to associate with a person who won't go out to drink, and doesn't live in New York or Hollywood."

"Man I'm sorry. That's pretty messed up."

"Don't apologize, Dean. It's not like you drove off all my friends. I made a decision, and now I have to live with the consequences."

"Why drop the chance of having friends?"

"My father and my brother's were all drunks before they could get anything significant done, and my father committed suicide when photos of him and and a woman who wasn't my mother were leaked. I felt it was my duty to the family to not make a fool of myself."

"Yeah, sorry about your dad. Your brother's are okay, though, right?"

"Yeah, their... Well. That's difficult to explain." Cas sighed. "What about you and your brother? You two seem pretty close."

"Yeah," Dean chuckled. "We're pretty close, cause I raised him, after my mom died. I was four, he was six months old. My dad became a drunk, and we didn't have any family. I wouldn't have it any other way though. He's my, my everything. I'd never admit it to anyone else but, I love the kid more that I can even explain."

"That's good. That you have someone you can hold onto in a storm. That loves you back." Cas looked up at Dean. His blue eyes flashed. "Dean, I'm going to start an new album soon."

"Oh, really? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, I thought you might want to know." Castiel turned to Dean, confused.

"Yeah, I want to know... but why not wait until, I don't know, before you release it?"

"I don't understand."

"Why do you want me to know before you even start recording?"

"Because I want your help." Cas stopped in front of Dean.

"Why me?" 

"I trust you. And you're my friend."

"Cas, we barely know each other."

"You know me perfectly well, Dean. I don't see why you would feel like you're imposing on my life."

"I read about you in a book."

"And, that determines how well you know me?"

"Yeah, Cas it does. I don't know everything, and for that matter, you don't know me. I could be some kind of axe murderer."

"Dean, please? I would really like for you to help me."

"Cas... Yeah. Yeah. I'll help. What do you want me to do?"

"Can you play guitar?" Cas asked, with a small smile on his face. 

"Yeah. I can play." Dean scratched the back of his neck.

 

Sam unlocked the door. 

"Dean! You home?"

"Dean's your brother?" Jessica stood close to the door.

"Yeah. I think he's out. Don't worry, he's pretty, and pretty friendly."

Jess laughed.

"Sammy! Just the guy I wanna see! Whoa, you gonna introduce me?"

"Hey Dean," Sam smiled, small and shy. "This is Jessica Moore. My study buddy."

"Study buddy? Jess my lil' brother is a saint, ain't 'e? Nice meeting you, pretty lady, but may I snatch my bro for a sec?" Dean smiled wide and true at Jess.

"Yeah, go right ahead." Jess nodded, a small smile on her face.

"Hey, Jess, make yourself at home." The boys said together. Jess smiled at their synchronicity.

As soon as they were out of ear shot, Dean started.

"Study buddy? Really, Sam?" Dean jabbed his brother with his elbow.

"Dean, she needs help with math. I'm helping her out. That's all." Sam smirked and cuffed his brother over the back of his head.

"What ever you say. Look I got something to tell you."

"Shoot."

"Cas, our next door neighbor, he asked me to help him record his next album."

"Dude! That's awesome! Did you say yes?"

"Yeah, I did. And I also told him we are going to the party with him. Erm, sorry?"

"Don't apologize, it's cool. We just got to get our suits fitted. But Dean, that's great! I'm happy for you! Look I got to get to Jess but, we can talk more later. 'Kay?"

"Yeah. Sure, go hang out with you 'study buddy'!" Dean smiled at his brother.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so insanely bored I'm posting another chapter, while rereading my work like a weirdo. Did you know there are only 48 words in the English language that follow the 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' rule. How ~weird~  
> Thank you for reading lovelies.

"Good afternoon, Dean." Cas appeared around the corner.

"Shit man! Where'd you come from?" Dean jumped, almost losing the grip he had on the papers and suits he had in hand.

"The apartment. Need help?" Cas extended his hand to Dean.

"Yeah, sure. Thanks man. So when's this party. And where is it?"

"The party's next Tuesday, and it's at my sister, Anna's home." Cas said, collecting the papers Dean gave him.

"Oh, cool. You have a ride there? Or do you want me to drive you?"

"If you don't mind driving. It's a few miles from here."

"Yeah, it's cool. Me and my baby on the road again. So, not to pry, don't answer if you don't want to, but you said bring a date if you want. Where's your date?"

"I don't have a date, Dean. I'm going alone, but with a group of friends." Cas took Dean's key from him.

"Wait, you're not taking anyone?"

"I'm taking you and your brother, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are but, you're not... Never mind." Dean's heart raced. 

"Dean?"

"Cas, why don't you have a date?" Dean stopped.

"Dean, you already know my disposition to people in general. And you read my memoir. Think."

"Ah. Right. Sorry, my bad."

"It's perfectly fine, Dean. Just, why do you care so much?"

"I thought we were friends Cas!" Dean said with mock offense.

Castiel laughed. "We are, Dean. Don't doubt that. Why does it matter so much to you that I have a date? Answer honestly."

"It doesn't matter." Dean blushed, turning his head from the raven haired man.

"Yes it does."

"Cas, don't get freaked out or anything but, I thought you were gonna ask Sam."

"What?"

"Yeah. Whenever you come over, you two always find away to have some kind of super intellectual conversation, that I have absolutely no place in."

"Dean?" Cas looked at him, frowning slightly.

"Sam's bi." Dean shrugged. "He doesn't think I know."

"Dean?" Cas slammed his palm into Dean's chest. "If I was going to ask anyone, it would be you."

"What?" Dean's eyes widened comically.

"Dean, from the time you moved here, you've been very kind to me. It doesn't mean we'd do anything, you'd just be my...  
My best friend."

"Cas... Hey come on in. Beer?" Dean was redder than a dried tomato.

"Thank you. Dean, I mean it." 

"Yeah, Cas. I got that much." Dean leaned against the counter.

The bedroom door creaked and Sam and Jess came out, both rumpled, slightly. Sam spotted Dean and visibly paled. 

"Hey Sammy." Dean smirked at his brother, eying his puffy, reddened lips. He winked. "Jess." He nodded in her direction, she blushed, ducking her head and grabbing her bag.

"Good evening, Sam. Hello, Jessica. How are you?" Cas smiled at them knowingly.

"Fine. Thank you, Castiel. Well, I'll be off now." The door closed quietly. Sam stood blushing at the door.

"Some study buddy, Sammy." Dean smiled. Sam grabbed a pillow of the couch and threw it hard at Dean.

"Change the sheets! Bitch!"

"Jerk!" The bedroom door slammed.

"Sorry about that, Cas." Dean put the pillow back on the couch.

"It's fine Dean." 

"When do we start practicing?"

"Whenever you want to."

Cas left to get the sheet music, and they practiced for two hours.

That night Dean jerked off to raven hair, blue eyes, and a deep gravely voice.

Cas was mildly aroused for the first time in his life.

 

"Are you ready to start?" Castiel stood in the doorway.

"Yeah. Let me get my guitar." 

Dean brought a black six string out of the closet. It was well loved. And well taken care of. Dean bit down on his wooden pick, adjusting his finger grips.

"Ready?" Dean bit out, around his pick.

Castiel looked away, blushing something fierce.

"Yeah. Let's go."

Cas opened the door to his apartment. It was unpainted, and fairly bare. He had a bookshelf on one wall, a coat rack in the corner. His table was small and held two chairs. The kitchen was almost empty, having only the refrigerator and a toaster oven added to the drab decorum.

"Man, you live here?" Dean frowned at Cas.

"Yes. I do Dean." Castiel frowned back. "Come, my stuff is in the back." Cas ushered the freckled man to his bedroom.

The bed room was an even emptier than the outer rooms of the apartment. The bed was small, a twin, and the night stand was a stack of books and a lamp.

The desk held an array of recording devices and Castiel's computer. He pulled the chair out from underneath the desk.

"Here, sit." Cas pointed at the chair.

"'M ready when ever you're ready." Dean sat, and tuned his guitar, glancing at the music sheet Cas gave him. 

Cas nodded, Dean began to play. 

They recorded for about six hours straight, not stopping for a break once.

Hour one Dean played silently. Hour two he began to sway ever so slightly. Hour three he was tapping his foot to the rhythm of the music. By hour five he'd begun to hum along quietly. 

Hour six, Dean was hard in his pants. Cas had his back to him, and he was swaying to the music. Every once in a while, he would turn to Dean and smile. Dean smiled back every time. Dean thought he was beautiful. 

"Do you want anything to drink?" Cas asked, leaning back in his chair. 

"No, I'm good." Dean shifted, trying to cover his dick subtly. 

"You know, you've had the lyrics for weeks. You can sing along if you want to."

"Um.. Cas this is your music... I couldn't."

"You could." Castiel stood and stretched showing the strip of skin above his waistband, leaving Dean to squirm.

As they started back up again, Cas seated on the bed, Dean began to sing. He didn't realize until, Cas was sitting even closer to him than he expected.

"Sing louder, Dean." Cas whispered. He pulled a chair in front of Dean, holding the recording mic between them.

On their last song, Dean closed his eyes.

When he opened them Cas was staring at him. He had finished the song by himself. 

"I stopped singing around the second verse. You have a beautiful voice Dean." 

Dean blushed furiously, so hard he could cut diamonds. He dropped his head, and ran his tongue over his top teeth.

"Are you okay, Dean?" 

"Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Um, we're done, right? I'm gonna go home now." Dean stood, pocketing his pick.

"Goodnight, Dean. See you tomorrow." Cas began to clean up the papers.


	7. Chapter 7

Dean opened his bedroom door to find his brother curled around Jessica.

"Sammy. Sammy." Dean shook his brother gently.

"Dean? Shit. I gotta take Jess home." Sam began to move.

"No. No, Sam, stay. It's late. I'll wake you two to school tomorrow. It's okay."

"Dean, at least let me sleep the pull out couch."

"Nah, stay here with your girl. Get some rest." Sam's eye lids drooped, and he fell asleep again.

"Good night Sammy." Dean kissed the top of his brother's head.

 

"Sam! Let's go! Get up, I let you sleep until the last possible second." Dean threw open the door.

"Oh! Oh my god! I have to go! Sam, can you give me a ride home?" 

"Jess, hey, it's okay. I'll drop you off along the way." Dean said, watching his brother and his girlfriend scramble around the room.

There was a knock at the door.

"'S open!" Dean called.

Cas opened the door.

"Dean, you have mail." He said holding out a stack of papers.

"Thanks man. Just lock up when you're done, yeah?" Dean held out a plate to Cas.

"Thank you. I will be cooking for Sam tonight. Good luck on your interviews."

"Thanks. Come on guys, we're about to be late." Dean fixed his collar. "How do I look? I look a mess, right."

"No. You look good." Jess shifted his tie. "Just do something about the shoes, big brother."

"We're downstairs, Dean." Sam called from the door.

"Yeah, I'm coming. See ya, Cas."

 

"Welcome to Sanders. Dean, right?" A red headed woman held out a folder.

"Yeah, hi. Thanks." Dean took the folder following close behind the woman.

"I'm Charlie, and you're gonna be seeing Zachariah. Good luck, and see you soon."

"Thank you, Charlie. See ya." Dean gave a small wave, as the door closed.

"Dean Winchester! Pleasure to meet you, Zachariah Sanders." A balding man suck out his hand.

"Hi." Dean said shyly.

"Alrighty, take a seat let's get started." 

 

"SAMMY!" Dean flew through the bedroom door, nearly hitting Sam with it.

"I GOT THE JOB!" Dean bounced on his toes.

"Dude! That's awesome!" Sam shifted his hair from his eyes. "When do you start?"

"Tomorrow! I'm so excited. I'm goin' ta get Cas." Dean bolted from the room, tossing his jacket haphazardly at the couch.

"Cas! Open up!" Dean banged on the door.

"Dean, what's the commotion?" Cas came out of his apartment sleepily.

"Cas I got the job!" Dean smiled wide at his friend.

"Congratulations!" Cas smiled wide. The corners of his eyes crinkled. Dean couldn't resist smiling back. 

Man he's adorable. Dean thought to himself.

"He come on over. Me and the Sasquatch are ordering pizza, and crackin' a six pack."

"No, no, enjoy your celebrations. I can't intrude." Cas moved to close his door again.

"Hey, no man. It wouldn't be a celebration with out you! Come on."

"Hey! 'S he comin? I wanna know if I should order a large pizza." Sam stuck his head out he door.

"I'll come." Cas looked into Dean's eyes, seeing hope glisten. Dean's smile broadened.

They stayed up until half past one.

 

"Man I'm beat. 'Night guys." Sam cleared the room.

"'Night Sam!" Cas and Dean called after him.

"Well, I think it's time I go home." Cas stood.

"Hey, party's not over yet." Dean held out a bottle of Scotch.

"Dean, I really do think I should go." Dean shook his head.

"Cas, come on. Don't go."

Castiel sighed. "Okay, Dean." 

Dean sat pouring them both a finger.

"Dean, why did you move here?" Castiel asked at ten to three.

"M' dad died, and Sammy couldn't stay at home by 'imself. 'Love 'im too much to do that to 'im. He lost everythin' in one day." Dean stumbled over his words. "'M dad di'nt leave us shit, an' we had a hard time makin' ends meet. Damn bills almost got m' brother killed. He wouldn't eat, cause we couldn't pay for electricity if we got groceries. Dad had cancer. The drinkin' killed 'im faster though. Had to get outa there." Dean leaned back on the couch. 

"I'm sorry for your loss, Dean."

"Don' you start with that shit now! Not you too? I di'n loose anything. My dad was an abusive shit, who refused to take care of his son." Dean pointed his finger at Castiel.

"Dean, I'm sorry. Really. I know what it's like to live in an abusive household. You know that." Cas leaned into Dean's side.

"Dean, get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow." Cas stood swaying a bit on his feet.

"Huh. Yeah, night Cas."

"Good night, Dean." Cas laid two aspirin, and a glass of water on the coffee table.

The next morning, Sam, Dean and Castiel woke with splitting headaches. 

"Oh, fuck. I hate you. Fuck you and fuck your beer." Sam spit at his brother. 

Dean stuck up his middle fingers from the couch. "Oh, fuck you too, Samantha. Hope this screws with your period. I shouldn'ta let you have that many drinks."

"Damn straight. Don't you have to get to work?" Sam hunched over the sink.

"Oh, shit. Your right. Ten minutes and I'm gone. Go ask Cas for breakfast."

Dean was out of the house in less than ten minutes.

"Sam!" Dean poked his head in their room.

"He's at Jessica's." Cas closed the door behind him. "How's your head?"

"Fine, how 'bout you, huh? We both hit the bottle pretty hard last night." Dean cracked a bottle of water.

"I'm fine. I was slightly nauseous this morning, but it passed. How was your first day?" Cas took the bottle from Dean taking a sip. Dean cocked an eyebrow.

"It was good. Went well, and it went fast. I'm Junior Vice President, so all I have to do is keep track of the influx of money and the regional management spending." Dean shrugged. "I have a secretary, which is pretty cool."

"That must be fun for you. My label released our album today." Cas handed the bottle back to Dean.

"Stop calling it 'our album', Cas. I helped but it is your work, not mine." Dean frowned at his friend. Cas's face fell slightly.

"Dean, you sang a full song on it. It's your work as much as it is mine. And I put your name on it."

"You did what now?" Dean whipped around to stare incredulously at his friend.

"I can't just not give you credit for working on it with me. You'll be receiving a percentage of the revenue as well." 

"Cas... Oh fuck." Dean blushed and mimed banging his head on the wall gently. "Cas, why'd you do that?"

"I can't not give you credit for your work Dean." Cas rested a hand on Dean's shoulder, pulling him from the wall. "I'm sorry if I've hurt you in some way, but I couldn't stand the thought of you not receiving proper recognition."

"That's incredibly embarrassing." Dean smiled.

"Why?"

"Cas, I don't know if you noticed, but I'm kinda shy." Dean laughed.

"I don't understand. Why would this be a problem, if no one knows who you are, except for me?"

"It's just having my name out there now. You wouldn't get it, your name was famous months before you were born. I've always just been a nobody." Dean half smiled, and pushed away from the counter.

"You're not a nobody to me Dean. And who cares about me?" 

"Me, that's who cares about you. Eh, anyway, thanks. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"I'm fine. I'm concerned about you. Are you and your brother ready for the party tonight?" Cas smiled at Dean.

"Yeah. When he gets home from school, we'll come and get you." Dean smiled back.

"Okay, great. I'll be next door, getting ready. See you soon." The door shut behind Cas.

 

"Dean?" Sam called into the house.

"Heya, Sammy." Dean came out of the bathroom. "Go get ready. Where's Jess? I need to pick her up?" Dean fixed his suit jacket.

"Nah, she's gettin' ride here. Make sure you buzz her in." Sam headed for their room.

"Okay, I'll be right back. Just goin to check in on Cas, see what time he wants to leave." Dean closed the door behind him. "Cas, you ready man?" Dean stood in Castiel's living room.

"Yes." Cas came out of his bedroom, his hair in it usual state of dishevelment, and his tie backwards.

Dean's pupils dilated, and he stuffed his hands in his pockets in an attempt to hide his rapidly growing erection.

"Uh, Cas, your tie is backwards." Dean said, reaching out to fix it.

"You haven't tied your tie, Dean. Would you like me to?" Cas said watching Dean tie his tie.

"Sure, if you want to." Dean shrugged, his face growing hot.

Castiel's deft fingers quickly tied Dean's bow tie. He smoothed out Dean's collar, and smiled. They stayed looking into each other's eyes until Dean dropped his hands, clearing his throat. The pair stepped back from each other.

"Uh, come on. Jess should be here about now." Dean opened the door.

"Hey Dean." Jess said as he let her in the apartment.

Dean gave a low whistle of appreciation. "Lookin' good Jess."

"Thank you." Jess smiled.

"Dean, quit lookin' at my girlfriend. I had her first." Sam said as he came into the room, smiling walking over to kiss Jess.

"Eww! No PDAs!" Dean ribbed his brother, shielding his eyes jokingly.

"Aww, shuddup De." Sam laughed.

"Come 'er and let me fix your tie, Sammy." Dean said. "Your drink limit is four, got it?"

"Yeah Dean. And you can't drink tonight, cause your driving. Don't forget." Sam smiled at his brother.

Cas and Jess smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My work is unbetaed, all mistakes are my own.. Thanks for reading guys. Keep the kudos and comments coming. Simply constructive criticism.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter numero dos for today. Hope yall are enjoying. Thanks for reading.

"Okay! Here we are." Dean stopped the car in a round driveway. "Everybody out."

"Cassie!" A voice called as the group made there way up the drive.

"Hello, Anna." Cas forced out.

"Who's this? Aren't you gonna introduce me?" Anna said, looping her arm through Dean's.

"This is my next door neighbor, Dean, his brother Sam and his girlfriend Jessica." Castiel nodded once at each.

"Hello handsome." Anna dragged out. "Nice to meet you, I'm Annel, Cassie's big sister." Anna leaned into Dean, who smiled sheepishly at Cas.

"Nice to met you, to Miss Shurly." Dean said.

"And it's good to meet you, Sam. Jess, my, my, my aren't you stunning. Come inside, come on in." Anna tugged Dean along. He looked back at Cas, who looked away.

 

"So, what's it like living next door to my freak of a brother?" Anna said, still leaning into Dean.

"He's, um, pretty tame. No loud noises in the middle of the night. No... weird people hanging around. He's a nice guy. He helps me out with muh brother, when I have to get out, cooks breakfast for him, drives him to school some days. He's cool. Not much of a freak if you ask me, but you know 'im better." Dean said, with a small smile.

"You're all he talks about you know. If I didn't know better, I'd say he has a bit of a crush on you. He doesn't ask anyone to help him with his music, Dean. That makes you a very special person. You must really be special." Anna leaned in, leaning her breasts on her arms.

Dean shifted uncomfortably. "I guess so." 

"Well I'm gonna go and get us some drinks." Anna stood.

"Wait! Anna! Fuck." Dean stood. Anna had already disappeared into the swarm of people in the house.

"Hey, you okay?" Sam sidled up beside him.

"Shit. Yeah, I'm okay." Dean nodded at his brother. "Where's Jess?"

"Off finding drinks. And probably handing out with Cas's brother, Gabriel." Sam said, smiling, small, almost reminiscent. "So what was that about?"

"Anna, is going to get us drinks." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Ooh. Keep it PG big bro." Sam sauntered off.

"Dean. I got tequila shots." Anna said in a sing song voice. Dean sighed.

"Hey Anna, do you know where Cas is?"

"Nope, but he might be on the Deck." Anna tossed back a shot, hissing as it went down.

"Thanks." Dean fled, trying to find his way to the Deck.

"Hey! Wait, we were just getting started!" Anna called after him.

Dean took off through the house, finally finding the terrace.

"Cas! Thank god I..." Dean started. The view was stunning, but Dean wasn't looking. Cas was backed into the railing by a man that Dean would soon find to be Castiel's cousin, Raphael.

"Hey! Get away from him!" Dean said furiously.

"Stay out of this, Dean!" Cas said skirting around his cousin. 

"You shouldn't have come home, Cassie. Stay in that mouse hole of an apartment of yours, and go back to being nothing."

The shove came from nothing, yet Cas went flying across the terrace. The smack was loud and it sent Dean flying to Castiel's side.

"Cas! Cas? Cas you okay? Talk to me! Hey! Cas, come on stay with me." Dean checked Cas for any additional wounds. His head was bleeding, and there was a shallow cut just bellow his hair line.

"Cassie will be fine. Hell and heaven couldn't stop him from anything." Raphael said mockingly.

"Why are you still here? Get lost you dickwad!" Dean yelled, and Cas stirred in   
his arms. "Cas?"

"I'm okay Dean, we just need some bandages." Cas said looking up at his friend.

"Cas, you need to go to a doctor. You could have a concussion." 

"Dean, really, I'm fine, we just need to clean up this blood." Cas said trying to stand.

"Cas! Cas, stop. Let me help you." Dean held Cas up, helping him to the Deck door. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Down this way." They walked in silence, finally reaching the bathroom.

"Sit on the toilet. I'm gonna look for a first aide kit." Dean said open the drawers under the sink. "What was that Cas?" Dean said, kneeling down in front of Cas.

"That was my cousin, Raphael. He doesn't like me." Cas said tipping his head forward for Dean.

"Yeah, I got that much, but why doesn't he like you?" Dean wiped the blood from around Castiel's face.

"I was going to marry the woman he loved." Cas said, closing his eyes.

"Oh, okay." Dean stuck a bandage over the cut on Castiel's head. "There. All done." Dean rocked back on his heels.

"Thank you, Dean. Come, let's go back to the party. Anna wants me to preform a song from the new album." Cas said, he looked annoyed by his own statement.

"You don't have to, we can just go home." Dean said.

"Come on Dean, you're supposed to be helping me anyway." Cas said standing and straightening his suit. Dean stepped in front of him and straightened his tie.

"If you say so." Dean half smiled. "Just take it easy. 'Kay?" 

"Of course Dean." Cas said stiffly. 

They made their way back to the party, side by side, occasionally looking at each other.

"Dean, there you are! I've been looking all over for you! Oh, hey Cassie." Anna said flinging herself into Dean's arms. Cas walked off into the crowd.

Dean sighed. "Hey, Anna." 

"So, where were you two?" Anna asked, slowly guiding Dean away from the crowd.

"Bathroom. Cas was out on the terrace." Dean said looking back into the crowd, trying to find Cas or his brother.

"Oh. Well, now that it's free..." Anna said dragging Dean to the terrace doors.

"Anna..." Dean started. Anna pushed him back against the railing and kissed him.

Dean struggled for a moment under her weight, then pulled away.

"Anna, stop. You're drunk. You don't really want this."

"Yes I do. Come back." Anna whined. 

"Anna. No." Dean held her at arms length.

"Dean, come on. If Cas likes you it's for a reason, and I intend to find out what's so special about you. He's the family slut you know." Anna pushed up against Dean again.

Dean frowned and pushed her away again.  
"Stop. This is not what you want."

"Dean, I want this. Stop pushing me away." Anna kissed him again, harder.

Dean just stood there, not responding. He didn't kiss back, but he closed his eyes.

"Dean? I'm ready..." Castiel's voice floated onto the terrace, and Dean froze.

Dean shoved Anna away and wiped his mouth.

"Okay. Let's do this." Dean said flushing red. Anna rolled her eyes.

"Bye Anna." Dean said, with false cheeriness.

"Dean, if you want to continue with my sister, please, by all means stay." Castiel said, glaring at Dean.

"No! I mean, no. I'm ready, come on." Dean mentally face palmed. 

Dean walked a few feet behind Cas, his head lowered. 

"Cas... I'm sorry, that wasn't supposed to-" 

"Dean, you don't need to apologize for being attracted to my sister." Cas cut him off.

"I'm not attracted to your sister!" Dean exclaimed.

"It didn't seem that way." Cas said.

"Cas, she propositioned to me." Dean said, grabbing his friends shoulder, turning him.

"Just like Anna." Cas said shaking off Dean's hand and began to walk again. Dean shook his head.

"Let's go, Dean." 

They sang well and everyone applauded. Cas stalked off the makeshift stage and back to the Deck. Raphael followed close behind.

 

"Hey, you ready to go?" Dean sat down next to Sam. Jess was nearby, talking to a short man Dean guessed was Gabriel.

"Yeah, sure. Where's Cas?" Sam asked, glancing around.

"Donno." Dean stood. "I'll be back in a minute. Don't go anywhere." Sam gave him a thumbs up. 

Dean hoped Cas wasn't angry with him.   
"Cas?" Dean called onto the terrace. "Hey we're about to head out, if you're ready to go. Cas?" Dean looked around. Looking down at the small steps onto the terrace, Dean found Cas.

"Cas!" Dean flew down the steps and to Castiel's side. "Cas? Buddy wake up!" Dean shook his friend gently. "Fuck!" Dean ran back into the house.

"SOMEBODY CALL 911!" Dean barreled into the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more for good luck. Thanks for reading, as always. Fun fact, did you know the crust in your eyes in the morning contains urea, which is in pee? You're essentially peeing from your eyes in your sleep.

"Dean what's going on?" Anna touched his arm. Dean flinched away.

"Cas passed out on the terrace or something, there's a lot 'a blood." Dean said.

Sam grabbed his phone. "Hello?" 

Anna and Dean ran back to the Deck. 

"Oh my god! Cassie? Cassie!" Anna cried, trying to lift Castiel's head.

"Anna don't do that." Dean shooed her away, lowering Cas's head back to the ground. "Try to keep his neck level, he might have broken it."

"Oh my god, Dean. What happened?" Anna flung herself at Dean.

"I donno. He marched off after we finished an I haven't seen him since. Me an' Sammy we're getting ready to head out, and I went to look for him, and here he was." Dean said, looking at Anna nervously.

Castiel stirred. "Dean?"

"Yeah, Cas?" Dean knelt down next to his friend.

"Find Raphael. Please." Cas said, opening his eyes a little.

"Okay. Okay. Just take it easy like we said before, yeah?" Dean said standing. "Anna, go find your cousin, okay? I'm gonna stay with Cas until the medics get here." 

Anna nodded rapidly, scurrying off.

 

"How's he doin'?" Sam asked, sitting down next to Dean. Jess slept quietly in the seat beside him.

"No word from the doctors yet." Dean's leg bounced up and down. He had blood on the knees of his suit pants.

"Hey, I'm sure he'll be okay." Sam said, resting a hand on Dean's shoulder. 

"Yeah. He'll be fine." A doctor came out of the hospital room. He smiled at Dean. "Just a cut and a concussion. He should be outta here in a few hours. You can go in and see him if you want."

Dean stood, and crossed to the room.

"Uh, Mr. Winchester, right?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah, that's me." Dean nodded.

"You patched him up, the first time he fell?" The doctor asked.

"Yeah..." Dean said, raising an eyebrow.

"Expert work their, son. You wanna be a doctor?" 

"Nah, my dad was an army medic. Taught me an' muh brother some stuff." Dean said, scratching the back of his neck.

"Well, good on him. You may have saved his life. If his head had continued to bleed, he mighta died." The doctor clapped Dean on the back, and walked off.

"Hey Cas." Dean pulled a chair up to the bed.

"Hello Dean." Cas said, smiling sloppy.

"How ya feelin'?" Dean said, smiling back, small and quiet.

"Like shit." Cas said, giggling.

Dean smiled again. "You never curse, you must really feel terrible." 

Cas gigged again. "The doctor said you saved my life." 

"I donno. Maybe I did." Dean shrugged.

"Dean, you have beautiful eyes. Has anyone ever told you that?" Cas sobered for a moment.

"No. But you're high, so you don't have a clue what the hell you're sayin'." Dean tipped his head to hide his smile. He looked back up and Castiel was staring at him intently.

"I mean it, Dean." 

They held their gazes for a moment, and then burst out laughing. When the came down Cas sobered again.

"Did you find Raphael?" 

"I didn't look for him, Anna did. I don't know if she found him or not. Why were you asking for him?"

"Because he's the one who pushed me down the stairs." Cas looked at Dean confused. Dean nodded.

"An' why'd he do that?" Dean asked.

"The man hates me." Cas said rolling his eyes. Dean nodded again.

"Well, Castiel, you are all set to go home!" The doctor waltzed in. "I've prescribed some pain killers, and bed rest. Do you two live together?"

"No, I'm his next door neighbor." Dean said.

"We'll take a few days off from work, he needs supervision. Two rules, he can't be alone, and he cannot get up. Got it?" The doctor raised his eyebrows at Dean expectantly.

"Yeah, cool." The doctor walked towards Cas. 

"Do you agree to the terms and conditions?" 

"Yes." 

"Good! Alrighty! Doctor out."

"Ready?" Dean held out his hand to Cas. He took it in his own.

"Always." 

The group made their way out of the hospital, and back to the apartment building, dropping Sam and Jess of at her apartment.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas leaned on Dean's shoulder, as he lead him into the house.

"No problem. Come on, let's get you to bed. I'll grab you some clothes in a bit, just get comfy." Dean propped up a pillow for Cas.

Dean pulled some sweats and tee-shirts out of Castiel's drawers. He stopped at his desk, trying to decide if he should bring any of his stuff.

"Here, I brought what I thought you'd want." Dean said, putting some of the clothes down on the bed. Cas was already asleep. Dean smiled and shook his head, pulling the blankets higher on the bed.

Dean headed to the bathroom and stripped. 

He felt lonely with no voice singing with him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And one more for the road. Thanks again for the support.

As he walked to the living room, he checked in on Cas. He was sleeping soundly, and snoring a little. Dean smiled and closed the door. 

Poor guy's had it rough for a long time. Dean thought.

Dean settled into the couch and fell asleep dreaming of Cas.

 

"Heya, Cas. I made ya breakfast." Dean said, he was holding two plates and all of Cas's medications.

"Good morning, Dean. Come in and put that down." Cas motioned for Dean to enter the room.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked, sitting and handing Cas a plate.

"Better than last night, but still pretty bad. Thank you." Cas said taking a bite of the breakfast sandwich Dean had made.

"No problem. Need any meds?" Dean shook the pill bottle.

"Yes! Please." 

They ate, Dean seated at the edge of the bed, in silence, occasionally exchanging glances.

Dean's phone rang. It was Sam.

"Heya, Sammy."  
"Hi Dean. I think I'm gonna stay with Jess for a few days. You okay with that?" Sam sounded a bit dopey.  
"Yup. Just use protection. Text me when you're ready to come home."  
"'Kay Dean. Bye."   
"Have a good time." Dean hung up.

"How's your brother?" Cas said scooting up in the bed.

"He's having a sex marathon with Jess." Dean smiled. Cas blushed. "So what do you want to do to day. And before you say 'let's go out and run a marathon', you're on bed rest for the next seven days, so no marathoning, except if you want to marathon tv."

"I wasn't going to suggest we run a marathon, Dean." Cas said.

"I'm just sayin', man!" Dean raised his hands in defense. The buzzer sounded. "Hold on, I'll be right back."

Dean looked through the peep hole. Anna stood at the door, checking her watch.

"Hey, Anna." Dean opened the door.

"Hi, Dean. Is Cassie here? He wasn't answering his door." She said, looking nervous.

"Yeah, he's in the back. Lemme tell 'im you're here, yeah?" Anna nodded.

"Hey man, your sister is here to see you. You want me to tell her to leave or to come in?"

"Let her in Dean." Cas sat up.

"Go on in, let me know if he needs anything."

 

"Hey Cassie." Anna sat down on the bed.

"Hello Anna." 

"How do you feel?" 

"I'm okay, Anna."

"The doctor said Dean saved your life."

"He did."

"Oh, Cassie I'm so sorry." Anna hugged Castiel, dissolving into tears. 

"Anna it isn't your fault."

"Yes it is. We did nothing to protect you. I invited him in for Christ's sake. If he hadn't been there-"

"Another one of our family members would have tried to kill me. It's fine, truly. Did they at least find him?" Cas stroked Anna's hair.

"Yeah. That's what I came to tell you. They said they'll call you if they need anything from you, but he confessed last night when they brought him in." Anna sighed.

"Good. That's all that matters." 

"Okay. Good talk. I'll call you later."

"Bye Anna."

"Bye Cassie." Anna stepped out of the room and waved.

 

Dean washed the last dish as Anna came out of his room. "Hey."

"Thank you Dean." Anna said, throwing her arms around Dean's neck.

"Yeah, no problem." Dean said. She pulled away. "Do you want anything to drink or eat before you head out?" 

"A glass of water would be nice. Thanks." Anna took the glass. "He loves you a lot, you know."

Dean remained silent.

"I haven't seen him act like this since... well, since Amelia." 

"Who's Amelia?" Dean asked frowning.

"His fiancée. He didn't write about it in the memoir. She died. Well, she was murdered." Anna looks down into her glass.

"Oh."

"Yeah, it's still a sore spot with Cassie." Anna said. 

"What happened?" Dean said, leaning into the counter.

"Cassie met Amelia in college. My entire family's gone to the same college since forever, so we all saw each other all the time, but anyway. He was horrible to her, the first few months they knew each other. I guess what they say about boys picking on you if they like you is true.

"Raphael, he liked her too, a lot. But Amelia, she wanted to play Cassie's game. Cas was getting on her for something one day, and she slapped him. He sobered right the hell up. And then he brought her flowers every other day, and stuff. They started going out, and he brought her home for dinner one night, and proposed to her in front of everyone. Of course she said yes. Raphael was furious and wouldn't speak to him for weeks." Anna bit her bottom lip.

"Then, he snapped. Started stalking her, following her around. Cas was getting ready to confront him, but it just stopped all of a sudden. Then he went out for a few hours and he came home and there she was. On the floor of their bedroom. All open and bloody." Anna ran a hand through her hair.

"God." Dean breathed.

"He got really depressed after the funeral. He wouldn't leave the dorms except to go to class. He never came home. He was falling apart. And I don't blame him, I just wonder why he didn't come home, or ask for help. Most people do. I would have. But I guess he thought better of it. Which was good of him in some twisted way. He started to hone in on his music, get some serious skills. Then I guess he started to get better. He would come home and play with Gabe's daughter. Well Muriel isn't his daughter, she's our little sister, but we all say she's Gabe's daughter. He'd take her out for ice cream, take her to the park, play music for her. But then we wouldn't see him for weeks. I guess when shit like that happens you have bad days. I know Daddy did.

"When he graduated, he released his first album, and dropped off of the map like a bird shot outta the sky. That's how he ended up here. He's a lot happier with you around, Dean. You're all he talks about when he comes home. Just like Amelia. She'd be all he talked about." Anna looked away from Dean. "That makes you incredibly special, Dean. Well, sorry to drop in like that..." Anna leaned in to kiss Dean.

"Anna, you know it's never gonna happen right?" Dean said.

"Well it was worth a try." She shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Don't think that you aren't pretty enough for me, 'cause you are beautiful Anna. Don't think you're not gonna find anyone better than me, 'cause their are plenty people who are better lookin' and better for you. But I'm not going do this with you, okay? I seen what dating your friend's sister can do to a friendship." Dean said with a small smile, leaning back a little to look in to her eyes.

"Yeah, okay." Anna half smiled. Dean leaned in and kissed her forehead. "Bye Dean."

"Bye Anna." 

Dean pushed away from the counter, and shook his head. Cas stood still in the entrance way to the kitchen. 

"Cas? What are you... You heard that entire conversation, didn't you." Dean bit the inside of his cheek. Cas nodded.

"Come on, let's get you back to bed." Dean wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulders and walked him back to the room. Cas laid back on the pillows. "I'm sorry, Cas."

"Dean, none of this has been your fault. You didn't even know me when all of that happened." Cas shook his head.

"Still. That's a lot for someone to go through alone." Dean frowned.

"I'm not alone anymore. I have you. And Sam, and Jess." Cas massaged his temples.

"Meds?" Dean held out the pill bottle.

"God yes. Thank you."

"Yeah. Cas, can I ask you something?"

"Absolutely."

"How are you, now?" 

Cas paused for a beat. He pursed his lips. "I'm happier, Dean. But that doesn't mean I don't still love or miss her."

Dean nodded. "I get it. I already told you about my mom. It feels the same. I love her, I always have. And I miss her. I've always wished she was still alive. That she'd get to see Sammy all grownup. Ya know?" 

"I do. Amelia was pregnant. I never told anyone that. She wanted a daughter. She was going to name her Claire, after her mother." Cas sighed.

"I'm named after my mom's mom." Dean said with a small laugh.

There was a moment between them. Air was lost, and all that existed was their eyes.

Dean looked away first. Cas closed his eyes.

"He didn't just kill her, Dean. He raped her. And I can never think why I would leave. I remember that day so well. Like it was yesterday. We didn't need anything from the store but I said I was going. I was going to surprise her and cook her dinner. I just needed to pick up some candles. She told me we had candles... I still went..."

"Cas don't blame yourself. You didn't do that to her."

"But I left her alone. That's what he wanted. For me to leave her." Cas rolled over on his stomach.

Dean sighed. He put his hand on his friend's back. "Cas, I'm not gonna lie, and say she's in a better place and all that shit. But I am gonna tell you, your cousin is a jealous asshole. And if anyone deserves to die it's him, not Amelia." 

"Thank you Dean." Cas said, hiding his face.

"Yeah." Dean dipped his head, and withdrew his hand. Castiel's back rose and fell slowly. Dean moved to leave, thinking he was asleep.

"Dean, don't you have work in ten minutes." Cas suddenly looked up.

"Yeah, I took a few days off."

"Dean, you've only had the job a few weeks. You should go in, I'll be okay by myself." 

"The doctor said you should be supervised. And I'm a good friend, or at least I like to think I am, so I'm helping. By staying."

"Thank you." 

"It's all good." Dean smiled. "So you want to do something, or just sleep cause I can leave you to it?"

"I don't feel tired anymore. Are you hungry?"

"Are you? 'Cause that's a ridiculous question. I'm always hungry."

"Yes."

"What do you wanna eat? I can order pizza, Chinese. Or I can go out to that nice place a few blocks over and get some really good Italian." Dean looked up, attempting to remember what other foods he could get.

"If it's not to much, the Italian sounds nice." Cas said, his head slightly raised from the pillow.

"Cool, I'll be back in a minute." Dean disappeared through the door. Cas heard the keys jingle momentarily, and then the front door close. He fell asleep quickly.

Amelia came to him, and rested her hand on his cheek. 

"Go to him, Castiel. I love you, and I know you love me, but you can't hold on to me forever. Go to Dean. You love him. I can see it. Stop harboring your pain. Go to him."

"Amelia, I can't leave you." 

"Yes you can. I'm still in your heart, in your mind. But Dean is here with you. He loves you Castiel. Let him in. Go to him." Amelia faded.

"No! Don't leave!" Castiel grabbed her fading hand, but he was too late. "Don't leave me here!"

Castiel woke suddenly, touching his cheek gently. Go to him, Castiel, Amelia's voice echoed in his mind.

Dean came in ten minuets later, holding up a plastic bag of food.

"Need anything else? You wanna change of scenery, go out to the living room?" Dean smiled.

"If you don't mind, I would like to sit out in the living room." Cas said.

"Okay. Come on." Dean slipped his arms under Cas's arms and legs.

"Dean I can walk." Cas said.

"It's okay. I got ya." Dean carried Cas out into the living room, dropping him gently onto the couch. He got up to get their food. "Anything you want to watch?"

"Not in particular. I don't really watch tv." Cas took his plate of food with a nod of appreciation.

"Wait, so you've never seen, like a Star Wars, or Indiana Jones marathon?" Dean's fork hovered over his plate, as he looked at his friend curiously.

"No, but I think I may have seen Indiana Jones once when my brother Gabriel was high." Cas quirked a small, humorous smile.

Dean burst into laughter. "You're gonna watch Star Wars, or I'm not gonna let you leave." Dean took out the rapidly growing DVD collection, showing Cas his favorite movies, and Sam's. 

By the third movie, Cas was sleeping quietly on Dean's shoulder. Dean looked over at his friend's calm face and smiled. He gently picked him up and brought him back into his bedroom. Dean left two pills and a glass of water on the bedside table. 

"'Night, Cas." Dean said, pulling the comforter up on Cas.

"Dean?" Cas mumbled sleepily.

"Yeah, it's me." 

"Where are you going to sleep?"

"On the couch. It's a pull out Cas, I'll be fine." Dean began to pull way from Cas grip on his arm, but Castiel tightened his grip. Dean winced a little.

"No, I should be sleeping out there. Dean..." Cas tugged one more time in an effort to keep Dean with him, "Stay."

"Cas... It's okay, really."

"Dean, please. Please stay." Dean looked down on Castiel's deep blue eyes. "For me?"

"Yeah, okay. Scoot over and don't hog the blankets." Dean slid down under the covers. He keep his distance from Cas, staying on his usual side of the bed. 

Cas sighed contently, and fell back asleep. Dean smiled, small, and he felt a little place in his chest warm. 

Dean was falling in love.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in so long. Got really caught up in family stuff.

The next morning, Dean woke up to find that he and Cas had met halfway in the bed. Cas had his face buried in Dean's neck, and Dean had his arms wrapped around his waist. Dean blushed at the sight of them, but couldn't bring himself to move or wake up his friend. Dean fell back asleep, gently stroking Castiel's hair.

Dean woke up a second time, but for a different reason. He was hard as diamonds, and it was starting to hurt. Dean wasn't sure what to do. He tried to will it down, but it only seemed to make it worse. He wanted to get up, but Cas was wrapped so tightly around him he could barely move his head.

Cas shifted slightly, and Dean barely bit back a moan. Dean reached behind him to grab one of Castiel's arms, and Cas shifted against him, coming closer. Dean whined low in his throat, still trying to pull away. Castiel's knee pressed its way between his thighs and Dean came. He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. Cas was his best friend. He couldn't do that to him. Dean felt disappointed and disgusted by himself. Way to go Winchester! No self control! 

Dean yanked himself out of Castiel's grip and threw himself into the bathroom. 

 

"Good morning, Dean." Cas came out into the kitchen.

"Heya, Cas." Dean mumbled. "What's up?"

"Just wanted to see if you needed help with anything." Cas leaned on he counter.

"I'm okay." Dean nodded, not looking at his friend. "You can go back to bed if you want. I'll bring you breakfast."

Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "Dean, are you sure you're okay?"

Dean flinched away, pulling his shoulder away from Castiel's grip.

"I'm fine Cas." He ground out.

"Okay, Dean." Cas walked away, heading back to the bed room.

Dean sighed and relaxed. He felt horrible. 

Cas laid down and closed his eyes. Dean was acting strange, especially after last night.

 

"Hey. Foods ready." Dean set Castiel's plate down on his lap.

"Thank you, Dean." Cas smiled. Dean smiled back but it didn't reach his eyes.

"What do you wanna do today?" Dean said as they finished their food.

"We should finish the movies, if, of course, it's okay with you." 

"Yeah! That's cool." Dean nodded. "So it's settled."

 

"Cas? You still awake?" Dean nudged his friend.

"Yes." Cas whispered groggily. 

"You wanna go to bed?" Dean watched as Castiel rubbed his temples gently and shook his head. Dean held out the pill bottle to Cas.

"Thanks." 

"How's your head?"

"Better, much better. It doesn't feel like it did on Friday. It isn't throbbing like it was before."

"That's good." Dean said stiffly.

"Dean, are you sure you're alright?" Cas frowned at Dean, trying to catch his eye.

"Yeah Cas. I'm good. Just, to day's October 16th. My dad died to day, a four years ago, today." Dean said. He wasn't lying, but he was. That wasn't the whole truth. 

"I'm sorry, Dean." 

"Yeah, it's okay, Cas. He wasn't the best of fathers."

"But he was family. Your father."

"Yeah, he was. I guess that's why I feel like I do." Dean sighed. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry for acting weird and shit. Just today's got me a little fucked." 

"I understand." Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder and squeezed gently.

Dean leaned into the touch a little, and felt ashamed of his lie.

 

"Hey Dean." Sam closed the door gently behind him.

"Hey Sammy. How'd you get here? You could have called, I woulda picked you up." Dean looked over the back of the couch at his brother. Sam sat down next to him.

"I took the trolley. It's okay, Jess wasn't exactly decent when I left." The corner of Sam's mouth lifted slightly.

"Oooh more marathon sex I see," Dean smiled a little. "What's up? I didn't think you'd be home 'till next week."

Sam rubbed his palms on his jeans. "You know what today is... And you know how I feel about, you know, being away from you, I mean home... On, uh, days like today."

"Yeah. I know. How you feelin?" Dean patted his brother's knee.

"I don't know? I've always been torn about Dad. He was, abusive. But he's..." Sam's voice trailed off.

"Dad. I know the feeling. He is and will always be our father. But that means absolutely nothing at the same time, because he was an abusive bastard. So I get it. But," Dean closed his eyes rubbing his temples. "Don't defend him, 'cause I'm done, doing just that. We subjected ourselves to a form of torture, Sam. Thinkin' we could just keep ourselves blamin' for this." Dean sighed.

"You didn't kill 'im. Dean?" Sam looked at his brother.

"I know, I know. But..." 

"Dean, you did everything you could to keep the three of us alive when Dad got sick, stop beating yourself up 'cause the guy couldn't take care of himself without you." 

"Sam... I'm trying... I don't know what... I don't know what I'm trying to do." Dean laughed. "Man, our whole life has been pretty fucked up." Sam smiled, nodding.

"Yeah, it has been. But it just makes us cooler." Sam stood and headed for the refrigerator. He pulled out three beers. "Is he up?" 

"Yeah, I think so." Dean stood and stretched.

"Hey, Sam's here." Cas looked up from his book. 

"Oh." Cas closed his book, and began to get out of bed.

"Wan' anything? I mean other than a beer?" Dean sat back down on the couch.

"No, I'm okay." Cas sat down next to him, taking the beer from Sam with a nod of thanks. "How are you all feeling?" 

"We're okay. I think." Sam looked at Dean for reassurance. Dean nodded.

"That's good. How was your day Sam?" Cas took a swig of his beer.

"It was long. I mean, it was good but, it was long. I had a lecture for pre-law, and I swear, it was the absolute longest hour and twenty minutes of my life." Sam laughed.

"That's not true, the longest hour and twenty minutes ever was when we tried to re-lace your shoes." Dean smirked.

"Oh, how could I forget about that?" Sam's eyes widened. 

"There was this one time, Cas, that I noticed that my shoes were laced differently from each other, and we tried re-lacing them." 

"It didn't really work out though. We ended up re-lacing his shoes like eight times each. He was pissed." Dean laughed.

"Yeah, I was! It was a fuckin' retarded way to do that. He kept un-lacing and re-lacing the same shoe!" Sam exclaimed.

"Why did that happen?" Cas tipped his head to one side slightly. Dean thought it made him look cute, but he pushed the thought away.

"'Cause Dean couldn't mind his own fucking business! He was getting ready for work and I was getting ready for school, and he walks past me four or five times before saying anything! So what my shoes were tied wrong?" Sam shoved his brother's shoulder playfully.

"I don't know, it was just an observation! You were the one who wanted to re-lace 'em!" Dean punched his shoulder lightly.

"This is extremely amusing. I've never heard two people argue over the lacing of a pair of shoes." Cas smiled. Dean saw his eyes light up, and looked away from the near luminescent man.

"Oh we argue over stupid stuff all the time." Dean said, putting his feet on the coffee table, which Sam promptly slapped down.

"No," Sam laughed. "You argue over stupid stuff all the time." He pointed a finger at Dean. Dean leaned over and pretended to bite it off. 

The couch was crowded with the three of them on it. "Damn Sammy, imma have to get you an arm chair or something. You're takin up all the space." Dean pinched his little brother's side. Sam cuffed him over the back of the head. 

"I could just move to the floor if it is an issue." Cas said rising to his feet.

"No! No, no!" The boys said together. "It's cool, I'll sit on the floor. Dean's right, I'm the tallest of the three of us, and I take up a lot of space." Sam slid off the couch onto the floor between Dean's legs. Dean ran his hands through Sam's hair. "Better now, jerk?" 

"Much, little bitch." Dean quipped back, glancing at Cas who was smiling fondly at the two of them. Sam batted Dean's hands from his hair, and turned around. 

"So what did you two do today?" 

"We watched Star Wars." Castiel said with reverence.

"Oh one of our favorites. What do ya think so far?" Sam said, raising his eyebrows at Dean as if to say 'Good choice'.

"Considering this is my first time seeing it, it is quite captivating. And it has good special effects for its time." Cas said looking to Dean for agreement.

"We've seen it a million times, and Sam still ooh's and ahh's at the special effects." Dean stuck his tongue out at Sam when he flipped him the bird.

"So you've never seen Star Wars?" Sam prodded, ignoring Dean's childish behavior for a moment.

"Yeah, and he's never seen Indiana Jones, or The Wizard of Oz." Dean snickered.

"That's a hella good movie to watch while your high." Sam commented. Cas frowned at Sam and and Dean's seriousness.

"Why would you do anything while high?" Cas shook his head. Dean laughed.

"It's a different view of things. It was funny, too. Sam was super disoriented. It was hilarious." 

"You weren't any better Dean." Sam pushed his forehead into Dean's knee.

"He's right. I was worse. I had no clue what was going on. But, regardless, that was a really good movie to see while being high."

"Dean, when did we even see it though?" Sam stretched out on the floor, cracking his back.

"The weekend Lisa told me she was pregnant." Dean said, physically grinding he teeth, silently praying that Cas didn't ask to know who his ex was. But of course he did.

"Who's Lisa?" Cas turned to Dean with a look of surprise and concern.

"My ex. A woman my dad put me up with when I was sixteen." Dean said as-a-matter-of-factly. 

"Oh." Cas said, looking mildly dejected at Dean's tone. 

"Yeah. So you guys hungry or what?" Dean stood ending the conversation. Sam's stomach rumbled, answering Dean's question. 

 

"G'night Sammy." Dean said, closing the door behind his brother. Cas was in the bathroom changing his bandages. 

Dean's phone rang. 

"'Lo?"   
"Dean, it's good to hear your voice son!"   
"Who's this?" Dean said not recognizing the voice not the other end.  
"Caleb! Your dad's old partner. How've ya been?"  
"Caleb, how'd you get this number?" Dean snapped.  
"I'm a Marine, Dean, I got friends in high places."  
"What's it that you want? I dropped all muh dad's contacts for a reason. Me and Sammy don't need or want to be involved with this shit until the goddamned court case. So leave us the hell out of it, ya hear?" Dean went to hang up.  
"Dean! Wait, this isn't about Azazel!"  
"Then what, Caleb?"  
"I was in your old place, back in Lawrence. And I found this box, with your name on it. I thought maybe you'd like to have it. 'Also found a key to a storage locker in the attic looking for some of his old files. I'm in the area for the next couple weeks, thought maybe we could meet up for a minute, so I could give this stuff to you, and possibly catch up. What'd ya say, son?"  
"What time?"  
"Tuesday, 'bout lunch time. How's that sound?"  
"Fine, got my lunch break then. See you. And Caleb? Loose my number." Dean hung up before he could get a response from the older man.

"Hey." Cas came out of the bathroom and nodded tiredly at Dean. "What's up?"

"I would like to thank you for taking care of me this past week." Castiel's eyes flashed in the light coming through the window, and Dean licked his lips unconsciously.

"Uh, yeah. It's cool. That's whet friends do, right?" Dean shrugged.

"Dean, can I ask you a question?" Cas sat down on the couch next to Dean.

"Yeah, shoot." 

"Who was Lisa to you?" Castiel fidgeted, playing with the worn hem of his Henley.

"She was this girl my dad sent me to be with. He wanted me to get married and have kids, and for me to get the hell outta his house. He saw me as a threat. I liked her, and I tried to treat her right, but she wasn't my main priority." Dean said nervously.

"Why did you go to her?" Cas paused.

"Because my dad threatened Sam. He was gonna kill him. He nearly did even after I went, so I guess it didn' matter, but I wanted to make sure he was safe." Dean rubbed the stubble forming on his chin. "She wanted the world from me. I loved her, I think. She was smart, pretty, funny. All the things you want from a girl. But she wasn't what I wanted."

"What did you want Dean?"

"My brother. I love him. He's my kid. He's the only thing in this world, that I love. My last living relative. I signed papers so I could be his legal guardian. I never told him that." Dean closed his eyes and sighed. "Cas, I did everything I thought was right to keep that kid alive. Everything I've ever done was for him. Lisa, she was great but, Sam. Sam was the only thing I could see. She was the thing I was using to keep him safe." 

Castiel nodded. "What happened?"

"Well, I tell you from the beginning. It's easier to understand that way."


	12. Chapter 12

Sam snuggled closer to Dean, it was almost time for them to get up.

"Mornin' kiddo." Dean looked down at his baby brother.

"Hey, De." Sam rubbed his face into Dean's side. 

"Come on. Up and at 'em. Dad'll be up in a bit." Dean pushed up out of bed.

 

The drive to school was calm and they had escaped the house without John making an appearance. Dean drove slowly, eager to savor the peace. Sam scooted closer to him, leaning into his side a little more reading his book.

"Have a good day, okay kid? I'll see ya later." Dean said ruffling Sam's hair. The younger boy batted the hand away, and huffed, smiling. 

"See ya, De!" He ran off. Dean hung back for a moment, watching his younger brother's smaller frame melt into the sea of students entering the school building. He smiled.

"Hey, brother." Benny sat on the hood of the Impala next to Dean.

"Heya, Benny." Dean nodded at his friend and coworker.

"How goes it, at home? Any progress with pops?" 

"Nah, he's a suborn bastard. He's gonna find somebody for me." Dean shrugged, trying to play nonchalant. Benny nodded. 

"How's Sam doin' in all this mess?" 

"He's doin' well. I got 'im under lock and key." Dean said, dangling his keys in front of Benny.

"Good." The pair of friends headed into the building.

 

Dean sat, fidgeting all day. He was a nervous wreck. John had vowed to him that he would have a girl for Dean to marry by today. Benny noticed, but chose to ignore it.

Sam noticed, too, and the younger Winchester wasn't having it.

"De, would you fuckin' stop?" Sam threw down his pencil in frustration. Dean was on the verge of pacing. 

"Sorry, sorry. And watch your mouth." Dean rubbed his eyes. Sam rolled his eyes.

"What's wrong? You've been actin' strange all week." Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean.

"You heard dad. He said by today, he'd have a girl for me to marry."

"She should be here in a bit."

"I know. And not helping Samantha." Dean said, reaching across the table to cuff Sam in the head.

There was a knock at the door.

"Hello, Lisa." Dean opened the door to see dark haired, chocolate eyed woman standing in the doorway.

"Hi! Is this John Winchester's house?" The woman asked peering at Dean.

"Yup. Looking for 'im?" Dean said, leaning on the door a little. The woman was beautiful.

"No, his son, Dean." She said, smiling wider.

"Well, here I am." Dean rolled his eyes mentally, but smiled at her.

"Oh! Hi! I'm Lisa Braden." Lisa stuck out her hand. Dean took it and squeezed gently.

"I know. Come on in." Dean licked his lips.

Sam sat up straight, looking at Dean expectantly. 

"Sam this is Lisa." Dean said answering Sam's nonverbal question.

"Hi." The small boy said quietly.

"Hi, Sam." Lisa smiled at him. Sam disliked her immediately.

"Ah! Look who's here! Good to see you, Lisa! Thanks for comin'." John bellowed coming down the stairs. 

"Hi, Mr. Winchester." Lisa smiled again, but smaller, more fearful. Dean felt the urge to pull her behind him.

"Hey Dad." Dean sighed out.

"You ready to go, sport?" John asked, bringing his hand down on Dean's shoulder. From the out side it looked like a loving gesture, but John was squeezing Dean's shoulder hard.

"Yup. I'm ready." Dean nodded, pulling away from John.

Sam looked down at his paper, he was fighting back tears. Dean was supposed to stay with him tonight. He didn't have to work, so he said he would stay home. But now he was going off with Lisa.

"Good. Let's go." Lisa said, lacing her fingers through Dean's. 

"Yeah, just hold on a sec, okay?" Dean said, chewing his lip. He felt horrible for leaving Sam. He knelt down in front of Sam's chair.

"Hey kiddo." Sam blinked at Dean. "I'll be home soon. Don't you worry." Sam wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. "I love you, baby boy." Dean said into his brother's ear. "Nothin' bad's gonna happen to you, okay? I'll be back. I promise." Dean pulled away. Sam tried to pull him back for a moment, struggling gently against Dean, who was pushing him away.

 

"So, what have you been up to?" Lisa leaned even more on her arms, attempting to make her breasts look larger. 

Dean saw, and licked his lips unconsciously. "Not much. You?"

"Same here. So, what do you do?" 

"I work two jobs. One, I'm a mechanic. The other a waiter and bartender." Dean said flushing red when Lisa's pupils dilated even more.

"You're really good with your brother Dean. I saw that you were helping him with his homework before we left." 

"Yeah. He's my first priority." Lisa flipped her hair over her shoulder. Dean watched her every move. "What do you do?" He asked quietly.

"I'm a yoga instructor four days a week. And I'm also a secretary." 

"Oh, that's cool. Yoga. You must be pretty bendy then." Dean said, smirking at himself.

"I am." Lisa smiled proudly.

There was a stretch of silence, and Dean struggled to fill it. He hated silence.

"Listen, Lisa, I don't want to make you feel bad. But this really wasn't my choice. So forgive me for appearing disinterested, or unhappy. I'm really sorry you're stuck with me, but feel free to tell me or my dad if you want to end this." Dean sighed.

"I know, Dean. But I don't want to end this. I just want you to try. Dean, I do want you. So, just try. Okay?" Lisa said confidently.

"Okay." Dean conceded.

 

As the pair made their way back to the Winchester home, Lisa held Dean's hand. Walking into the house she held his hand. And Dean kissed her before she walked to her car.

And that night Sam slept on the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

"Hey Sam." Lisa was cradled up in Dean's arms, as they sat on the Impala's hood, in front of Sam's school.

"Hello, Lisa." Sam said, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Hey Sammy." Dean said reaching out to ruffle Sam's hair. The younger boy walked around Dean's outstretched arm. "Ready to go?" Dean started, but the Impala's door slammed before he could get an answer.

"Is he okay?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, I think he had a bad day." Dean pulled away from her.

Dean pulled out of the parking lot and looked in the rear view mirror at Sam. He was looking out the window, frowning deeply and chewing his lip. Dean put his arm over the back of the seat, subtly trying to reach out to his brother without alerting Lisa. He wiggled his fingers trying to get his attention. The younger boy grabbed his hand, and the frown disappeared. 

 

Dean could tell there was tension between Lisa and his brother, and he hated it, because it wasn't one sided.

"Lisa, I have to go and pick up Sam." Dean said checking his watch.

"Oh." Lisa said in poorly masked disappointment.

"Sorry, babe. I'll be back." Dean grabbed his jacket and shut the door.

Sam's head snapped up at the sound of the Impala's engine. 

"Hey, Sam." Dean said.

"You're ten minutes late." Sam snapped, glaring judiciously at Dean.

"Yeah. Sorry about that. I lost track of time. What do you want for dinner?" Dean sighed. He knew Sam was unhappy, but not to the extent that he was displaying.

"Not hungry." Sam grumbled.

"Sam, you have to eat. I bet you you didn't even eat lunch today. I gave up lunch money this morning."

"So? You need the money more than you need me." Sam growled.

"Who said that to you?" Dean pulled over. "Did Lisa say that to you?"

"No."

"Who said that?" Dean was getting frustrated with Sam's attitude.

"Nobody."

"Who Sam. Don't make me start counting."

"No one." The younger boy mumbled.

"Sam! One... Two-" Dean raised his voice.

"Okay! Okay! Dad. He said that to me." Sam curled into himself.

"It's not true Sammy." Dean closed his eyes, rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah it is, though. You spend more time at work and with Lisa than you do with me. It's like I don't even exist when she's around. You kiss up to her, and push me away!" Sam balled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. 

Dean hung his head. He knew Sam was right, and there was no use trying to deny and debate it. "I'm sorry, Sam." 

The smaller boy huffed, and flung himself back into the seat. "No, no, you're not." 

"Sammy-"

"Don't call me that." 

"Sam-"

"Shut up, Dean!"

"Sam, listen to me, please! I know I'm wrong, I know! But it doesn't change that I care about you."

"Well, too fuckin' bad it changes me! I hate you. And I don't care about me." Sam screeched. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, both of them froze.

"Watch your mouth." Dean put the car back on the highway. 

The rest of the ride was silent. Sam knew he was in big trouble, and Dean was too sad to say anything to him.

Lisa looked at the pair as they came back into the house. She saw the anger and defeat on Dean's face and immediately gave Sam a dirty look. The younger boy just looked away solemnly.

"I'm makin' dinner and you're gonna eat. Sam, go up to the room. We'll talk about this later. " Dean didn't look at Sam.

The younger brother hesitated for a moment.

"NOW!" Dean bellowed. Sam flinched and fled up the stairs.

"Baby, what happened?" Lisa put her hand on Dean's arm. He pulled away.

"Sam's just bein' a little shit today. That's all." Dean pulled out the pots and pans to start cooking. Lisa helped Dean make the food.

 

"Sam, foods ready. Wash up, and come eat. I don't wanna see you picking at your food. I catch you, you're on punishment." Dean growled. "Am I understood?"

"Yes, sir." Sam nodded.

"Don't call me that, please. 'Yes, Dean' is fine." Dean stressed his own name. He hated that John had scared Sam into calling his own brother sir when he misbehaved.

"Yes, Dean." Sam said, a little quieter.

Dean disappeared from the doorway before Sam started to move. 

 

The three sat to eat, and Sam ate a small portion, before hurling it all back up. 

"Dean, what's wrong with him?" Lisa asked after Dean sent Sam upstairs again.

"He doesn't like to eat." Dean bit out. He felt bad for his brother. He only got sick like that when he was nervous or scared.

Lisa cleared the table, and they washed dishes together.

"Oh, shit! Look at the time. I have to go babe." Lisa looked up at the cracked wall clock. 

"Okay, I'll drop you. Lemme just check in with Sam." Dean stuffed the Impala's keys in his pocket. Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Sam." Dean put a hand on his little brother's back. The little boy jumped sky high. "Sorry."

"'S okay." 

"How ya feelin?" Dean rubbed in small circles.

"I'm fine."

"Okay. I'm going to drop Lisa at home. When I get back we'll talk. Just get ready for bed, okay?" Dean softened his voice.

"Yeah." Sam gave a small thumbs up.

Dean left a kiss at the top of Sam's spine and left.

 

Sam was stretched out on the bed, as Dean came home. 

"Hey." Dean sat down on the bed.

"Hi." Sam said small, and sad. 

There was a pause.

"Dean, I'm sorry. I don't hate you." Sam began to cry.

"Hey, hey, hey. Don't cry. I know you don't hate me. Come 'er." Dean pulled Sam into his lap. "I'm not upset with you. I promise." 

"But I hurt your feelings." Sam wailed. 

"It's okay. 'Cause I still love you. You just can't say bad words." Dean rocked Sam back and forth gently. "And don't listen to dad. He's just trying to make you upset. You're worth it. I care about you, and I want you to care for yourself."

"Yeah." Sam was still crying. "I'm sorry De! I'm sorry." 

Dean pecked kisses over Sam's face. "No, no. Stop crying. It's okay Sam. It's okay." 

It took about an hour to calm Sam down.

The pair sat together on the bed, Sam straddling Dean's waist, messing with Dean's hair. His face was red and splotchy. 

"'Love you, Dean." Sam fell asleep on Dean's chest.

John came after Dean a week later.

 

"Hey son." John sat down at the dining room table, as Dean was helping Sam with his homework. Sam excused himself quickly.

"Sir." Dean nodded at John.

"I need you to do something for me."

"Yes, sir?" Dean asks apprehensively. His stomach did back flips.

"Go and pack your stuff, outta you and Sam's room."

"May I ask why, sir?" Dean was on the verge of tears.

"You're moving in with Lisa." John stood and waited for Dean to move.

Dean was struck dumb. He couldn't speak. He put his mind on autopilot and packed his belongings.

"De, where are ya goin'?" Sam was reading a comic book on their bed. Sam's bed, Dean reminded himself suddenly.

"Don't worry about that Sam." John said from the doorway. "Your leaving today, Dean." 

"Yes, sir. Will you allow me to say goodbye to muh brother before I leave?" Dean kept his head down and wouldn't look at either of them.

"Yeah, I'll leave you boys to it." John disappeared.

"De, wass goin' on?" Sam crawled to the foot of the bed.

"I'm movin' in with Lisa." Dean said calmly.

"Why?" Sam's eyes filled with tears, as Dean's did the same.

"Dad's makin' me." Dean locked eyes with his brother, and there was a pause. They both flew to each other.

"De, you can't go. Don't go. Don't go." The younger Winchester sobbed, prompting his older brother to begin crying as well. Sam was terrified at the idea of his brother leaving him with their father.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Dean stroked Sam's hair. 

"Dean, no! You can't go! No! No! No." Sam gathered Dean closer into his arms. "He can't make you. 'S not fair! Not fair." 

"I know. I know, baby boy. I know. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay." Dean tried to soothe the hysterical child.

"Dede, please don't leave me here. Please don't go." Sam started to shake in Dean's arms, having a full on panic attack.

"Sam. Sam, I need to to breathe, okay?" Dean put Sam down on his back on the bed. "Deep breaths, deep breaths." 

"Son?" John poked his head in the room. He took in the sight of his youngest son struggling to breathe. "How long does he need, Dean?"

"'Bout and hour sir." Dean concluded.

"He need anything?" 

"A glass of juice and some food, sir." Dean nodded. 

"I'll order somethin' and let Lisa known that you'll be an hour late." John disappeared again.

 

Sam clung to Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, and his legs around his waist. He buried his face in Dean's chest.

"Sam?" Dean sat back on the bed. Sam just sobbed harder.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know it's not fair. I know." Dean rubbed Sam's back.

 

Sam passed out of awhile. John bought them food, and Sam woke up. 

"Hey." Sam croaked. 

"Hey. How you feelin'?" 

"Is it okay to say bad stuff now?" Sam barely had the strength to lift his head.

"Yeah, go ahead." Dean nodded.

"I feel like shit." 

"Yeah. Me too." 

"I'm gonna miss ya Dean." 

"Sam I'm not goin' far away. You know where Lisa lives. I'll be around. I have to take you to school still. Okay? I'm not going that far." Dean pushed Sam's head back onto his chest.

They ate in silence. 

"Okay, lemme see your hands." Sam held up his hands, which were no longer shaking.

"You wanna help me put my stuff in the car?" 

"Yeah." Sam uncurled himself from Dean. 

The boys packed the trunk side by side. 

Dean wrapped Sam up in a bear hug, and then picked him up. 

"'Love you, De." Sam cooed.

"Love u too, squirt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaaaack! Sorry for the hella long hiatus, but now I'm back for good. Let's get this started up again!


	14. Chapter 14

"Dean!" Lisa ran from her porch to help Dean unpack the car.

"Hey Lis." Dean kissed her cheek.

 

"So what's your schedule? Just so I know what time we have to be out." Lisa leaned into Dean on the couch. They had just finished dinner, and Lisa had had a couple of glasses of wine.

"I work at the garage Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday I have the day off, and Friday I have three shifts at the Road House. I don't have to be at the garage until three, so I can pick up Sam, and bring him with me. If it's okay with you, I'm gonna bring him here, for dinner, then take him home. My shifts at the Road House run late, but I don't have to be there until four, so I drop Sam at home and make something for him, or bring him with me."

"Okay, sounds good. I have to be gone by nine for my job at the office, but I get off at twelve. And yoga is only on the weekends now, from six to nine." 

"Alrighty." Dean leaned back on the couch. Lisa didn't stay still. She crawled into his lap and kissed him. 

He held her waist, and pulled her closer. She sighed into his mouth, and ground her hips down. Dean shuddered and pushed his hips up to meet her's. He moved his hands up her sides and rubbed his thumbs over her clothed nipples.

Dean wrapped Lisa's legs around his waist and lifted her effortlessly, walking them to their room. He laid her out on the bed, and pulled her shirt off, then her bra. He latched on to her nipple, drawing out a soft moan. 

Dean planted kisses down her chest to the waistband of her jeans, pulling them down along with her panties. It was Lisa's turn to shudder. He spread her legs, blowing over her soaking pussy. She moaned and raised her hips.

Dean looked up at Lisa, his pupils blown, eyes hooded, and pushed his tongue inside her, making her cry out.

"Oh my god Dean!"

Thrusting his tongue in and out, he rubbed a thumb over her clit. She wrapped her legs around his head pulling him in even closer. Dean pulled his tongue out, and began sucking on her clit. She screamed. He looked back up at her and winked. She came with a breathy moan. 

"Deeeean. Oh, my, God. You... Are... A fucking... Sex God!" Lisa released his head from the death grip she had on it with her legs. Dean just sucked harder. "Oh God! Stop." 

Dean reached between his legs, releasing his dick from the constraints of his jean. He popped off her cunt, and thrust into her. Lisa sobbed, and Dean kissed her. 

He pushed in one last time, and then pulled out, coming on Lisa's stomach. Dean wiped them down with a cool wash cloth and fell into bed. 

 

Dean rolled onto his side. Lisa's head was cradled on his shoulder. 

"Hey." Lisa smiled up at him.

"Hi." 

"That was good, last night." 

"Well, I'm here all week." Dean joked. Lisa laughed. The kissed.

"I have to go." Lisa pouted.

"I know." Dean kissed her forehead. He leaned on the headboard and watched her bustle around to get ready for the day. 

The door shut, and Dean began to get ready himself. 

 

"Hey Sammy." Dean said. The younger boy looked up at him pensively. "You okay there?" 

Sam nodded. 

"Come on, let's get goin'. You wanna stop for ice cream?" Dean looked over at the quite boy.

"Yeah." Sam's face lit up.

"Alright. But after dinner." Dean smiled, proud that he was able to make his little brother smile.

"Aww, Dean. You're such a tease." Sam quipped. Dean smirked as they pulled into the garage's reserved parking.

"You know the drill. Sit tight. Uh, wait. What do you have for homework?" 

"Math." Sam said.

"That's it?" Dean asked, suspicious.

"Yeah. My science teacher was out to day, and I already did the reading for tonight, so this is all I have to do now." 

"Okay. Lemme know if you need my help." Dean left to clock in. "Afternoon, Cole." Cole nodded at the eldest Winchester. The boys were in the same class at school. 

"Hey, Winchester." 

Benny slapped five with Dean as he passed, and Sam settled in on his stool.

"Dean!" Sam called from a cross the garage.

"Yeah!" 

"I need help."

"'Kay give me a second." Dean rolled out from under the chassis of the car he was working on. "Wassup?" 

"I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I can't get a logical answer for this problem." 

Dean scanned the question then looked over Sam's math. "First off, check number two. Your multiplication is wrong. And for this problem, the formula is wrong. It's negative b plus or minus the square of b squared minus four, times a and c, over two a. So check your work. 'Cause the answer to number two isn't thirty four, it's thirty six. And the x's of this problem are one and five." Dean said, also glancing at the other problems in his brother's homework, making sure they were correct.

The garage was silent. Sam shrugged and went back to correcting his work. 

"Did you just do all that in your head?" Cole asked, frowning down at Sam's paper. 

"Yeah?" Dean shrugged.

"What the fuck?" Cole shook his head.

"Hey! Language! There are children here!" Dean frowned at Cole.

 

The boys left the garage, and went back to Lisa's.

"Hey babe." Dean kissed Lisa cheek. 

Sam raised his hand in a small wave. Lisa closed the door behind him without acknowledging him. He rolled his eyes.

"Come on Sam. Put your stuff down and wash up. You're helping me with dinner." Dean hung up his jacket.

 

"So how was your day, Dean?" Lisa asked, passing him the salad bowl, instead of Sam, who had asked for it previously.

"It was good, wasn' too busy, or too slow. We got a good number of oil changes in today, and we have two over nighters, but otherwise no problems." Dean nodded to himself, recounting the day's work. "What about you?"

"It went by quick, considering I'm only there for three and a half hours. My boss was in a good mood for once, and he treated the ladies to lunch today." 

Sam sat and watched the exchange. Lisa was pointedly avoiding him. There was a beat of silence at the table, and Dean looked to Sam, then Lisa, then back at Sam.

"So, yeah. My day was great, too." Sam said sarcastically. Dean smiled at him with barely contained laughter. Sam nodded at him, thanking him for recognizing Lisa's behavior.

"How was your day Sam?" Dean laughed.

"Oh. It was awesome, thank you. I had soccer in gym today, and I scored all my team's goals." Sam said proudly.

"Great job, Sam. Have you thought about join' the schools team?" Dean gave Sam a high five.

"Yeah! Today Coach asked if I wanted to!" Sam smiled.

"Dude, awesome!" 

"Yeah. But I gotta wait 'till next year he said, cause 'm not a freshman yet." Sam said, shrugging. "It's cool though. He said if I keep up the good work, he'll make me captain next year."

"Sam, that's great!" Dean smiled at his younger brother. "So what else happened today?" 

"Josie got suspended for punching Joseph." Sam said.

"Josie's that girl who you used to hang out with right?" Sam nodded. "What'd she do that for?"

"Joe called her a name, and she got real upset. It was because she was wearing a short skirt today." Dean nodded.

"Well, what did I say?"

"We're all created equal. So don't say anything bad about anyone, no matter how weird the dress, look, or talk." Sam raised his head and spoke proudly.

"Exactly." Dean smiled and ruffled Sam's hair. Lisa looked at him with pride.

"We're gonna be doing a play soon, De." 

"Oh yeah? Which one?" 

"Our Town." 

"Oh really? When I was in your grade, we did Romeo and Juliet." 

"We're reading that in class, actually." 

"What do you think so far?"

"I think all the fighting the two houses do is pretty stupid, and that Romeo and Juliet are best thing that could happen to them. The love between them makes everyone realize what their doing is wrong." 

"Good analysis, Sammy. I thought the whole thing was pretty stupid. I didn't think the love was real, but that it was like seeing a pretty girl and having fantasies about marrying her." Dean shrugged. "I got an A- for that." 

Sam giggled. "Dean, do you think I could go to Andy's party next week?" He asked shyly.

"I have see, okay? I don't think so, cause I think you have a doctors appointment next week, so I'll let you know." Dean said.

"'Kay. Thanks De." 

"No problem, kiddo. What about... history? What are you learning about in history?"

"Napoléon, mon amor." Sam said.

"Ah, your learning French, too. I forgot. So what's up with our friend Napoleon?"

"Napoléon a ordonné dix jours de deuil lorsque George Washington est mort." Sam said, in near flawless French. Lisa raised her eyebrows.

"And what does that mean, mon petit frère?" 

"Napoleon ordered ten days of mourning when George Washington died." Sam smiled at Dean.

"Really? I had no idea." Dean nodded at Sam.

"Yeah, you did. You took the same class as me, doofus." 

"Yeah, but I didn't pay attention like you do. I think I failed History, anyway. No, wait I didn't, I passed with a really low grade. Okay, so you said Mrs. Jody was out, but what's up in science?"

"Planets. Literally." Sam said with a straight face, causing Dean to laugh. "So, before she left, Mrs. Jody gave us a project. She wants us to make a scale model of the solar system to hang in the gym for Science Fair in February."

"Cool. What are you gonna do for your project?"

"I thought maybe I could do that moss thing we talked about."

"That's a good idea. You know where you're gonna get moss from though?" 

"Yeah, not really." Sam laughed. "Do you mind coming with me up into Riverfront Park so I could look for some two weeks from now?" 

"Why two weeks?" 

"'Cause, SciFair isn' 'till February. I've got time, and plus, I've already done my paper." Sam handed Dean his empty plate.

"Okay. I can arrange for that to happen." Dean said cleaning off the table. 

"Thanks for dinner boys." Lisa said, leaving the room.

"You're welcome Lisa." They said together.

 

"Okay, lemme see that math homework." Sam sat in Dean's lap on the couch, showing him his latest test grades.

"Here." Sam pulled the sheet out of his folder.

"Okay, check number eight. That's seven hundred four not one sixty two. Make sure you check your division." Dean said into Sam's back.

"Oh, yeah." 

"Good, now let's work on some French." Dean said. "Your teacher said you should be able to have a conversation with someone by now, or order a food or drink. Let's see. Bonjour. Comment vas-tu aujourd'hui?" 

"Bien, merci." Sam said.

"Que puis-je faire pour vous?" 

"Un verre de lait, un serveur."

"Venir tout droit. Bien travail, Sam." Dean said.

"Merci beaucoup." Sam smiled. 

Dean looked down at his watch. "Hey, it's only six. You wanna go get ice cream now and then go home or wait 'till seven?"

"Wait 'till seven. I have a book." Sam held up The Catcher in the Rye. 

"Okay. Well, I'm gonna go clean up a little more." Sam stood allowing Dean to get off the couch. 

 

"Lisaaa." Dean leaned into kiss his girlfriend. "What's wrong?" He asked when she pulled away. 

They were standing in their bedroom, Dean leaning against the doorway, Lisa fixing things on the dresser.

"Nothing Dean." She said, shortly.

"Yeah, not buyin' it. I pride myself with know what's wrong with you, and I know there's something wrong. Or at least I think I know when there's something wrong. What's eating at you?"

"Dean why'd bring him here?" Lisa stopped what she was doing and turned ton Dean.

"I thought you said it was okay?" Dean frowned. 

Lisa rolled her eyes.

"Why don't you like him?" Dean stood up straight. "He never did anything to you."

"No but, you spend so much time with him. It's like he's the sun, and your a planet revolving around him."

"Yeah he's my little brother. I told you. Sam's my first priority. And I am trying with you, before you say I'm not."

"Why couldn't you leave him at home for once? He's been here for three weeks straight."

"Lis, he had a panic attack the day I moved in with you. He's afraid of not being with me. You know, we've never been separated for more than a couple hours, but he still freaks out on the first day of school. He's scared Lisa, and I'm not gonna just leave him."

"You can leave him for one day, Dean."

"Lisa, he is afraid of my father. Like Hell I'm gonna leave him in their with an abusive maniac." 

"You father is not abusive Dean, so stop it. You're just overly attached to your little brother. You can handle being away from him for more that a few hours, your sixteen for God's sake. Spend time with me. We hardly see each other during the day, and the moment he needs something, you put me on hold."

"Imagine how he feels with me living here, Lisa."

"He needs to grow up, and so do you. You're not his age anymore, Dean. You should be here with me, not in the clouds with your brother. The moment he walks in the damn door, he's all you can see."

"Hey." Sam poked his head in the room looking for Dean. 

"Hey kid, you ready to go?" Dean looked down at his watch it was almost seven. Lisa shook her head.

"Yeah."

"Okay, go get your jacket on and wait by the car." Dean said. Sam disappeared, going back into the living room. "Lisa, we will finish this conversation when I get back. But I'm not going to just shut him out for you. That's not how this works. He was my family before you came into my life, and he's still my family, nothing's changed." 

 

Dean came out of the ice cram parlor holding two ice cream cones. He handed one to Sam, and a stack of napkins.

"Thanks." Sam nodded at his brother. He sat cross legged on a bench outside. 

They sat in silence for a while, Sam looking up into the sky every once in a while. Suddenly he pointed up into the sky at Ursa Major. 

Dean looked up and nodded. "I see it. Do you see our stars?" 

"Uh huh." Sam pointed again, but at Pollux and then at Castor. "Dean, why doesn't Lisa like me?" 

"Right now, I don't know." Dean said throwing an arm across Sam's bird wing shoulders. Sam leaned into him, finishing off his ice cream.

Sam yawned. Dean scooped up the smaller boy, and carried him to the Impala. 

"I can walk, you know." Sam said resting his chin on Dean's shoulder. 

"Yeah, but l like you. So you don't have to." Dean set Sam down at the passenger door, and opened the door. "You wanna stop at the record shop?" 

"Can we?" Sam asked hopefully.

"Yeah, kid. That's why I asked." 

 

"Which one?" Dean asked when Sam walked up to him holding a tape.

"REO Speedwagon, Back On the Road Again." Sam said.

"Really, Speedwagon?" Dean ribbed his brother.

"Yeah, I like the song." Sam rolled his eyes.

"Okay. How much?" 

"Five." 

Dean reached for his wallet. "It's cool man. I have five." Sam waved him off.

The drive back to the Winchester residence was quite. Sam was reading, Dean was focused on the road ahead of them.

"Okay. Here we are. Go get ready for bed, I'll be up in a minute." Sam sprinted up the stairs two at a time.

"Son. How's it going?" John stood in the kitchen archway.

"Good thank you, sir." Dean answered.

"Dean, sit." John pointed to a chair. "Listen to me son. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I just want you to be happy."

"I understand, sir." Dean nodded.

"How's she treating you?"

"Well, sir." 

"Good, good. Alright, you're free to go." Dean stood.

 

"Hey."

"Hey." Sam sat up. His hair was wet from his shower. 

"You want me to comb your hair?" Dean asked, motioning for Sam to hand him the comb. Sam nodded, giving his brother his comb.

"How long's it been since you combed it?" Dean paused.

"Two days. I just washed it." Dean ran the comb through Sam's hair, taking extra care with the knots.

"Thanks." Sam laid back down. Dean nodded. "Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay 'till I fall asleep." The twelve year old asked tentatively.

"Yeah. Anything for you Sam. Anything." Dean sat on the bed, and kissed his little brother's forehead. 

Sam fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

"Hey." Dean dropped onto the couch next to Lisa.

"Hi." She said, looking away. "Dean, look. I'm sorry about what I said earlier. But I just feel so left out when your with Sam. You look at him like he's the only thing left in the world, and I guess I'm just jealous of the bond you have with him." Lisa sighed.

"Lisa, I'm not angry with you. I'm just confused, because he's just a little kid. He doesn't understand all this, what we have, and he's getting upset over it. I'm just worried about him. He's my brother, and one of my only living blood relatives."

"Dean, did you mean what you said about Sam having anxiety?" 

"Yeah. The kids a nervous wreck. He can't stand being by himself. We've been basically joined at the hip since he was born and it was even difficult for me to leave him when I moved in with you." Dean ran his hands through Lisa's hair.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't realize how this was tearing you two apart."

"Lisa, it's okay. We'll be fine." Dean said, letting her lean against him.

 

"Hey, Sam." Benny called.

"Hey Benny." Dean and Sam said together.

"How's it goin' guys?" Jo asked from behind the bar.

"Peachy!" Dean said, kissing her cheek.

"Hey. Kid. Upstairs." Dean pointed to the stair case in the back of the Road House. Sam rolled his eyes and disappeared up the stairs.

"Heya, Dean." Ellen came out of the kitchen. "'Mind helpin' with the kegs?" 

"Yes, ma'ma." 

The night went by pretty fast for Dean. He racked up quite a lot of tips at the bar, and a fair amount from waiting tables. 

"Brother, come over here. Show these fools how to play pool." Benny waved him over to the pool table.

"Ben, I'm still on the clock." Dean shook his head.

"Oh, for Christ's sake. Go play, Dean. I'll cover for you." Ellen pushed Dean towards the table.

Dean took off his apron, and rubbed his hands together. "Alright. What's the bet?"

"Seven hundred." A man with a dark green cap said.

"Make it seven fifty." Dean put in fifty dollars. Benny set up the balls.

Dean played five games in a row. Everyone was watching. More and more people came out to put money in, and eventually the bet was a little over a thousand dollars. Everyone who put money in for him was on the edge of their seats. He still had to sink five balls. 

Dean sunk three in one move. The last two were separated by the eight ball. Dean scanned for the right angle and sunk one. The room was silent. The last ball dropped and a cheer erupted, seemingly from the ground. 

Dean got claps on the back, hand shakes. He got a giant hug from Ellen and Jo. And best of all, he got one thousand and fifty dollars, plus some extra tips. 

It was close to midnight as Sam and Dean walked to the Impala. Sam was ecstatic over Dean's win.

"What are you gonna do with the money, Dean?" 

"Prolly save it." Dean shrugged. But Dean already knew what he was going to do with the money. He planed to save half of it, and use the other half to buy Sam a couple of birthday gifts.

 

Lisa was excited too. But for a different reason.

"Oh, and we should repaint-"

"Lis, I already know what I'm gonna do with the money." 

"Oh. My bad. Sorry." She said, disappearing from the room.

 

Christmas came and passed with little incident. Dean was happy. Sam was okay, and he and Lisa were getting on well. But he was on edge. The general rule with the Winchesters was, if you get good, some bad shit'll come and bite you in the ass. Dean even saw some trepidation in Sam eventually. 

On New Years Sam was curled into Dean's side on the couch at Lisa's.

"Dean, maybe our luck will change this year." The little boy yawned. "That's what I'm gonna wish for."

The ball dropped and Lisa kissed Dean, while wishing for a child of her own. 

And Dean wished that Sam would grow up to be someone special.


	15. Chapter 15

"Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean!" Sam hurdled toward his brother. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" He hit Dean head first in the chest.

"Thank you, squirt." Dean picked his brother up, and rubbed his chest.

"Come on, come on. I gotta show ya somet'in." Sam sped off again. Dean trailed close behind.

Sam pulled a long tube out of the hollow of a tree. "Here. It's your gift from me." Sam smiled shyly.

When Dean opened it, the box was filled with neatly wrapped tools, and some parts for the Impala. Dean was overjoyed. One last thing fell out. It was a black string chain with a goddesses head. Dean held it in his palm. He put it on, with a small smile.

Lisa cooked him dinner, and they had awesome birthday sex.

 

It snowed hard February first, so the kids got a snow day. Dean spent the day with Sam, playing in the snow, drinking hot coco, and playing board games. Sam was happy momentarily. Dean was wary. Their rule still applied.

Lisa got a promotion in March. Dean was getting suspicious. Sam had picked up on it too, and he was even more nervous than Dean. Good stuff started happening to the youngest Winchester randomly. 

And so the boys just sat back and squinted warily at life. Dean let loose an 'I don't trust this shit' every once in a while. And Sam's heart rate went up every now and again.

 

Sam was excited. He was turning thirteen. 

"Hey squirt. Happy b'day." Dean hugged Sam. 

"Thanks, De."

The pair went for ice cream after school, and Lisa ordered pizza for them. 

Dean presented Sam with a Super Nintendo. Sam was over the moon.

"Now here are the rules with this bad boy. You can't take it home, but you can play for unlimited time when you're here. Second condition is, you must finish your homework before playing. Okay?" 

Sam nodded animatedly.

"Good." Dean said.

When it was time to drive Sam home, Dean was nervous. He had one more gift for Sam, and he was worried the kid wouldn't be impressed.

"What are we stopping for?" Sam said when Dean pulled into an grassy lot.

"I wanna give ya sometin' else." Dean sat on the hood of the Impala. Sam sat next to him. 

Dean pointed to Castor and Pollux, and told their story to Sam like he did every year. Then he pulled out a telescope.

"Your second gift from me." Dean handed it to Sam. 

"Dean? Is this for me?" Sam asked with astonishment.

"Yeah kid. You're not a fish, so I'm not gonna dangle it in front of you so I can reel you in. It's yours to keep. Take good care of it, okay? Don't let dad see, and don't take it to school. But yeah. It's yours." 

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean's neck. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

"Anything for you, kid. Anything." Dean hugged Sam back.

 

Sam made the soccer team about a month later. Practice was Tuesdays, from one to three. And Dean stayed for every one, even participating in practices.

"Hey. Any of soccer buddies need a ride to practice?" Dean nudged Sam with his shoulder as the walked to the Impala.

"Yeah, I think Andy and Max need a ride." 

"Okay, well tell them when ever the need a ride, just hop in." Dean said.

Dean dropped the younger boys off at the field, and stuck around for a while. Sam was really good. He could play almost any position on the field. Dean was proud. The only sport he could play well was baseball, but he quit the team before he dropped out of school. 

 

"Dean? You are coming to the play, right?" Sam said seating himself across from Dean on the floor.

"Yeah, of course I am." Dean said. 

"Okay, read the first line you have." 

Sam was picked to be the Stage Manager in the school play. He was extremely excited but very nervous about all the things he had to do. 

Sam and Dean went through the entire play, Sam reading his lines, Dean reading the rest of the play, indicating when he missed his cues or when he needed more emotion or emphasis.

Lisa came home and cooked, listening quietly, commenting every once in awhile on Sam's line delivery. 

She was conflicted. She wanted to be happy that Sam and Dean were as close as they were, but she also felt like Sam was a distraction. Dean often acted like she wasn't there when Sam was around. Lisa felt bad for Sam, but was annoyed with Dean for being so easily drawn to him. Lisa loved Dean, and felt under appreciated.

"Tada!" Sam stopped dancing around and shook his hands. Dean laughed. 

"Come on, didn't you say you wanted to mess around on that Super Nintendo thing?" Dean said pulling Sam down to the ground to tickle him. Sam squirmed in his arms for a moment before shoving Dean onto the ground. The boys got into an all out wrestling match. 

As usual, Dean came out on top, victorious. Dinner was an unusually peaceful event, with Lisa engaging Sam for once.

 

Sam had a soccer game on June first. 

"Dean, guess what?" 

"Chicken butt?" 

Sam rolled his eyes. "No doofus. I have a soccer game next week."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah! And I also have practice on Monday and Wednesday to get ready."

Dean stayed for every practice. On Wednesday he was called over for the huddle. 

"You guys are so gonna win. Don't doubt yourselves." Dean said, holding up his hands to high five the boys. Instead of high fives, Dean got sixteen hugs. Dean smiled to himself and hugged right back. 

"When we win, Dean has to make the last goal!" Piped Jake. 

"Yeah!" The kids cheered.

"Hey, when you win, I'll buy you all ice cream." Dean said, nodding. The cheer got louder.

The night before the game Dean washed and dried Sam's uniform. He combed Sam's hair, and per Sam's request, stayed until his little brother fell asleep. 

 

Dean sat in the bleachers next to Lisa, watching the game. They both cheered when Sam's team scored, and grumbled when the opposite team scored. Dean was especially happy to have Lisa there. She had seemed kind to distant to him. 

Lisa enjoyed herself at Sam's first game of the season. She was happy that the little boy got what he wanted. Yet she still felt like there was something missing from her and Dean's relationship. 

Dean was called onto the field when the boys scored the last goal. Dean was proud of his brother and his friends. Dean looked back and waved to Lisa, who smiled at him. Dean shot the ball at the other goal and it hit the net. The whole field cheered, even the opposing team. 

The younger boys charged Dean, tackling him to the ground for a group hug. 

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester!" They cheered. Dean smiled, happy and proud. 

 

"Okay! That's the last one." The cashier at the ice cream parlor handed one last cone to a child.

Dean smiled at the sight of sixteen happy boys. Lisa pushed closer to him, and he kissed her cheek. 

"Dean, you're going to be an amazing father one day." She said in his ear.

"Ah, probably not. I'm a horrible example for kids." Dean ducked his head in embarrassment.

"No, you are not. Look at all these boys. They all look up to you. Dean, they admire you."

"Yeah, well, there's some fucked up shit under the surface." Dean shook his head.

"Dean, no matter how much I get angry with you for doing it, you take such good care of Sam. And it rubs off on other kids. Look at them, Dean. Some of their parents aren't even here, and look so much happier with you than the ever would with their parents."

Dean just shook his head and sighed.

The night ended, the boys blissed out, and proud. Sam leaned against Dean, smiling as his friends left.

"Dean? Hi, I'm Walter Aberdeen. The soccer coach. I think we've met a couple times." Walter stuck out his hand.

Dean took it and shook. "Yeah, we've met. So what's up?"

"Well, you brother is a really good soccer player, and I'm proud to have him on the team. I intend to make him team captain. The only set back, is he's not really supposed to be on the team. He's not a freshman. I'm not sure how the administration will feel about an eighth grader on the team, but as soon as I get word we can keep him, he's captain. I just wanted to let you know the situation, and tell you you have a great kid." Walter nodded.

Dean blushed. "Thanks, Mr. Aberdeen. This all means a lot. Not just to Sam, but to me." Walter put his hand on Dean's shoulder, and the green eyed Winchester barely resisted the urge to flinch away.

"I'm glad. And thank you for the support. The team really need the boost." Walter walked off.

 

Sam's play was Thursday, and Dean brought flowers for Sam. The younger brother rolled his eyes, but he was secretly happy. 

Yet the wariness and apprehension didn't disappear from the Winchester's minds. Dean was constantly checking Sam for new or sudden wounds, unrelated to soccer. Sam treaded lightly around John, as did Dean when he saw him. By the end of June, Dean was terrified and constantly on edge.

Sam got out of school so they saw each other less. Soccer was still on Tuesdays, but otherwise, the boys lived in two different worlds. 

 

July came around, and shit hit the fan, as expected. And when shit hits the fan, shit splatters.

Sam received miscellaneous injuries that went overlooked easily by his team mates, but not by their parents. Sam Winchester's new bruises were always the talk between local parents.

And Dean was trapped between a rock and a hard place. Lisa was on him about having a baby. The pressure was unbearable and had Dean constantly teetering between fierce anger and exhaustion.

 

"Dean, we should really consider this. We've been together for almost a year! Don't you want to have a family?" Lisa was badgering Dean at dinner one night.

"Lisa, me, you and Sam. We're a family. We've still got a lot on our plates as is. I don't think adding a baby to the mix would be helpful. And I'm only seventeen. I'm not so sure it's a great idea right now." Dean sighed.

Lisa persisted. "I want to be a family with you, Dean. I want us to have our own children! I want to... To have an 'our son or daughter just said her first word' or an 'our kid just took their first steps' moment. Don't you?"

"Yes, Lisa. I do. But not right now. I don't think now is a good time. We should wait." Dean set down his fork, he was no longer hungry. 

"Give me one good reason now is not a good time, Dean."

"It's just not, Lisa. I'm not an adult yet, and as a family unit, we have enough responsibilities. Adding another child to the roster isn't going to be healthy for anyone, especially not a new born." Lisa huffed.

"Dean, I'm an adult. I'm eighteen. And as a family unit, we need a bond." 

"Sam is our bond."

"No, he's your brother."

"Lisa, don't you want to go to college? To travel the world?" Dean countered.

"Yes."

"It's hard managing a kid, and your education, and money all at once. I speak from grave experience. Lis, it's difficult enough handling Sam. Why don't we try getting a dog first? Or maybe some fish?" 

"Dean!" Lisa moaned. "Stop trying to worm your way out of this. We're going to have a baby!"

"Lisa, are you pregnant now?" Dean asked gently, trying to recall all the times they'd had unprotected sex. The instances were few and far in between, and none of them were close enough to now, because she would have shown signs, Dean thought.

"No." Lisa said frowning. 

"Okay. Well, let me think about it." Dean said. He was nervous, painfully so, and it was almost like Lisa could smell it.

The topic didn't come up again until Friday. It was Lisa's birthday.

"What'd ja wish for, Lisa?" Sam asked, absently swinging his legs under the table. He looked vacant, eyes empty of all the excitement that they normally had.

"She can't tell you, it won't come true if she does, stupid." Dean chuckled. Sam was acting a little more childish then usual.

"Oh, it's okay, Dean. It probably won't happen anyway." Lisa laughed. "I wished for a baby, Sam."

"Oh." The thirteen year old nodded. He was biting his nails.

"Hey. Stop." Dean pushed his hand away from his mouth. Dean was worried. Sam never did that unless he was extremely nervous. "Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas, Samuel?" 

"Rien, bien-aimé." Sam said, shaking his head.

"Samuel, est-ce que le père vous dérange? Ne vous dérange pas comme vous le faites. Cela vous affecte négativement." 

"Arrêtez-le, Dean. Rien ne me dérange autant que ton harcèlement constant. Je vais bien." Sam countered, looking flustered.

"Boys? What are you on about?" Lisa worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

"It's nothing, Lisa. Really." Sam glared at Dean.

The rest of the night went with out a hitch. Sam was dropped off, chewing his nails vigorously, although he was scolded more than once for it.

Dean came home to a naked Lisa. She stood in the entranceway, waiting for Dean. 

Dean was surprised and tried to reach for Lisa, but she turned and walked away, swaying her hips seductively. Dean followed her with his eyes, before hanging up his jacked and jogging after her. 

Lisa sat back on the bed, legs spread, waiting for Dean to come into the room. When he did, she spread them wider.

"And you're already wet. God, what did I do to deserve this?" Dean smiled, kneeling down to quickly undo his boots.

Dean took it slow, starting with her nipples. Teasing, sucking, pinching, pulling out soft moans and high pitched whines. Slowly he moved his hands from her waist to her clit, rubbing in small circles, causing Lisa to cant her hips, trying to get friction between her lips. Dean just pushed her hips down, and continued his ministrations. 

Dean dropped down in front of her, running his tongue gently over the sensitive areas of her pussy. She shuddered, still trying to get him to go faster. Dean sucked on her clit gently, causing a shuddering orgasm to roll off of her. But Dean wasn't finished.

Dean pushed his fingers inside her, and she squirmed against him, over sensitive. Fucking in and out of her gently still, he kissed her. 

"Dean, I'm giving you a minute to fuck me. If you don't, I'm gonna impale myself on your dick by force." Lisa huffed a breath, trying to prepare herself for Dean's next move. The green eyed boy reached for the nightstand drawer, but Lisa slapped his hand away. "Dean, thirty seconds and counting." 

Dean pulled his fingers out and Lisa whined at the loss, but gasped when Dean pushed in, hard, and to the hilt. Fully seated in her, he lifted a leg above her head, and fucked her rough and relentless. Lisa came again, setting off Dean's orgasm. He had no time to pull out. 

The deal was done.


	16. Chapter 16

A week passed. Radio silence. Dean was pensive and reflective at work, nervously awaiting news as to Lisa's next period. It was already three days late. Dean couldn't focus, his thoughts went to that night, replaying it over and over, reviving no pleasure like he normally would have. It was a constant onslaught of guilt and rage, first aimed Lisa, but the memory soon became self aware, tearing down Dean's thin, mortal walls of self esteem. Ellen sent him home at seven, when he began serving whiskey and vodka to people, regardless of their order at the bar.

 

Lisa sat on the porch looking out into the street. She was nervous. She had taken four pregnancy tests, and they were all positive. She hoped Dean would be as exciting as her, but the reality of the situation hit her as she remembered their conversation from the Monday before. Dean wasn't ready, and it was a possibility that she wasn't either. The rumble of the Impala's engine broke her thoughts like a rock to glass, and she stood, ready to face her love.

"Hey." Dean smiled genuine, yet it didn't reach his eyes. They were green as ever, but lacked color in away that could only signify sickness or death. Dean's heart fluttered in his chest like a trapped bird, and he yearned to release it from its deadly restraints.

"Hi." Lisa was blushing, shy but proud. She rolled her shoulders back, and took a breath. 

"What's the news." Dean thought he was going to go into cardiac arrest. Every second seemed to take a year to pass. 

"We're pregnant." Lisa was over come with the joy that had been locked inside of her since the first test read positive. 

Dean's heart stopped. Time froze and his mind came to a crossroads. There was static, the radio was back on. It was his own voice first, Shakespeare's Tragedy of Hamlet.

To be, or not to be- that is the question:   
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer   
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune   
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,   
And by opposing end them. To die- to sleep-  
No more; and by a sleep to say we end   
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks   
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation   
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die- to sleep.   
To sleep- perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub!   
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come   
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil, Must give us pause. 

Lord, I was born a ramblin' man  
Tryin' to make a livin' and doin' the best I can  
And when it's time for leavin'  
I hope you'll understand  
That I was born a ramblin' man~

Rebel souls  
Deserters we've been called  
Chose a gun  
And threw away the song.  
Now these towns  
Well they all know our name  
The death punch sound  
Is the claim of fame.  
And that's why they call me~

Here comes the sun  
Here comes the sun, and I say  
It's all right  
It's all right~

Then crickets. Dean was home, catching fireflies with John and Mary in the field behind their house. It was the tail end of the summer, September, mere months before the boys would lose their mother. Mary had no clue she was pregnant again. She would name her second boy, Sam. 

Sam! Oh, Sam. He was Dean's pride and joy. His pure love for his brother was second only to the love for his mother. 

His mother! The halo of blonde that surrounded her head like a wavy crown. Her white night gown as she tucked him into bed-

"Dean?" Lisa was gripping his arm tight, bringing him back to Earth. 

"Lisa, I have to go." Dean pulled calmly out of her grasp, walking at a normal pace. His breathing was even. 

"Dean? Dean!" Lisa called after him. He keyed the ignition, and backed out of their driveway, slowly carefully. Lisa sobbed, but it was covered up by the grumbling of the Impala's engine.

Dean got five miles down the highway before he broke down. He nodded, as if to tell someone he understood it was time to let go. The first wave of unfiltered grief and pain hit him like a fighter jet going at super sonic speed. His chest ached, and his throat closed up. His eyes watered. He sobbed violently. 

When it passed he got back on the road and continued to drive. He was calm again.

The next time he stopped he verbally acknowledged the presence of the pain. 

"Okay." He said, pulling off the highway. 

Instead of grief, Dean felt guilt. The intensity of the wave was almost ten times the first. 

He was separating himself from the agony, he realized somewhere during the third wave. He was over come by hatred, that drove knives through him. Only he didn't cry. He laughed. It was an ugly laugh. 

Dean pulled up the gravel driveway in front of what he once called home. Dean sat in the Impala for almost an hour. He waited, for what he wasn't sure, but he sat patient. He observed the darkness around him. The sounds of the night. Suddenly, there was a rap on the window.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" Sam's muffled voice came through the window, as he stood, clad in his pajamas and bathrobe. 

Dean just stared at his brother, as if he'd seen a ghost. Sam saw the eerie calm that had become his brother. Fear struck him deep, but dark of the day was a good shroud for Dean's state. 

His hair was pulled straight up, his eyes were red rimed. There was a thin stream of blood trailing from his nose down his chin. But Sam couldn't see it. 

Dean sat, still as death in his steel horse. Sam rapped on the glass again harder. "Dean! What the Hell's wrong with you? Are you coming in or are you gonna sit there and be creepy?" Sam frowned waving his hands at his brother.

The car door opened after some time. Sam had already contemplated going back to bed, or climbing into the car with his brother, nearly accomplishing the latter. Dean was still incredibly calm. While it seemed comforting, it was scary to Sam. "Dean?" He took Dean's bigger, broader hand, like he had when they were younger. Dean was still.

Sam was almost frantic, as he tugged on his brother's sleeve. "Dean! Come on! What's wrong with you?"

Dean pulled Sam to him. "It's okay. I'm okay." Dean nodded reassuringly at Sam. But it did little to soothe the tiny thirteen year old. 

"No you're not, De! What's wrong? Tell me what's wrong!"

"Calmez-vous, douceur. L'obscurité me cache, mais je suis là." 

"Je ne calmez jamais, quand vous agissez de cette façon. Vous devez être dans l'angoisse pour être si délibéré. Je crains de garder quelque chose de moi, quelque chose de grave, mon amour. Entrez, pour l'amour de Christ." Sam said, still frightened by his brother's behavior. He spoke in French, attempting to get to the bottom of Dean's sporadic actions.

"Sam, s'abstenir! Refrain. Je suis moi-même avec vous. Pas de mort. Je ne tiens rien de toi, mon cœur!" Dean pulled his arm back with more force than necessary causing Sam to stumble back a few feet.

"Si c'est vrai, mon cher, viens. Je veux te voir en lumière." Sam ran back to Dean.

"Je viendrai. Je viendrai. Je viens toujours. Calmez-vous, mon véritable amour. J'ai vraiment quelque chose à vous dire." Dean held Sam close. 

Sam was horrified to see Dean. While he said, 'It is I, not Death!' Dean sure did look dead. As Sam fussed over Dean, the older boy sat still, as he did in the car. He knelt for Sam, letting him poke and prod, and twist and turn. When he appeared finished, Dean wrapped his arms around Sam.

"Je t'aime." Dean said simply. 

"Je sais que vous m'aimez, âne. Maintenant, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas avec vous? Pourquoi parlons-nous en langue, idiot? Pourquoi votre visite soudaine? Pourquoi mon seul et unique amour vient-t-il au milieu de la nuit, agissant de manière officielle? Est-ce qu'il m'aime? Il le fait, mais quel est son but maintenant, à cette heure tardive, mais tôt de notre journée? Dites-moi, bien-aimé, dites-moi!" Sam cried, frantically.

"Mon autre amour, elle est enceinte. Cela ne change rien entre vous et moi, je prie. Pour le bien-aimé, je me blâme pour cela, ce désordre que j'ai fait de nos vies. C'était involontaire, mais si mon amour choisit de me lapider, je prends volontiers le châtiment." Dean said sullenly into Sam's hair. The younger boy wanted to cry. He felt horrible for Dean. 

"Mon amour. Mon seul amour, je vous ai pardonné avant d'entrer dans mon seuil. Je vous ai pardonné pour toutes vos offenses le jour où j'ai été présenté au Christ lui-même sur ce plan terrestre. Ne vous abandonnez pas prématurément. Mon amour pour vous me dira si je dois vous juger avec sévérité. Je t'aime plus que la vie elle-même. Je ne pourrais pas vous jeter aux loups. J'ai moi-même échoué beaucoup de fois, et vous m'avez pardonné. Ne vous attendez-vous pas à la même chose de moi?" Sam said, rocking Dean back and forth in his arms.

"Je ne m'attends à rien de toi mon cher." Dean sobbed. "Rien que du jugement."

"MON AMOUR! Je ne te juge pas. Nous sommes tous responsables de quelque chose. Mais je m'abstiens de vous juger, à cause de la force de votre immense amour pour moi." Sam stressed. "Dean, I don't care that you knocked her up. I care about you! And only you!"

Dean curled into Sam's arms even more. The older boy began to bawl. "I don't want this Sam. I don't want it. I love her but I don't want this." 

"Dean, we'll figure it out. We always do. We'll be okay. You'll be okay." Sam was on the brink of tears himself, listening to his brother cry like he was. Dean hardly ever cried in front of Sam, and never cried so openly. "Come on. Come upstairs." Sam tugged on Dean until the older boy followed him.

 

Sam pushed at Dean, trying to get him to climb the stairs to their room. Dean let himself be pulled along, now crying quietly. Sam pushed Dean down on the bed. 

 

Dean slept fitfully for almost three hours, and calmed down enough to sleep for almost twelve. Sam stayed close, either in Dean's arms or in the bed.

"Hey." Dean turned his head slightly to look at his brother. Sam slid down the bed into Dean's arms. Dean sighed gratefully. 

"Dean, what happened?" Sam asked after some time. "Why did you come here?"

"'Cause it's the only place I know to go. And I told you, Lisa's pregnant."

"I mean, how'd she tell you? Was there a huge argument? Did she tell you to leave?"

"No, I just left. She was standing on the porch when I came home, and I just turned around and walked away." Dean rubbed a hand over his face.

"I know you said you don't want this, but Dean, do you want her to get rid of the baby?" Sam asked, running a hand through Dean's hair.

"No. I mean I may not want it, but it's too late now. I don't want her to hurt herself. She wanted this, and I love her. So, I'm gonna love our baby." Dean said with a finalizing nod. 

"Okay. Good. Me too. Even though it's not my kid." 

The boys laid together for hours, quiet, sleeping, or staring at the ceiling. Dean barely had the strength to sit up. Sam stayed, a constant comforting presence.

Lisa sat at home and called her friends, excited, and bubbly. Everyone was happy, except for the Winchester brothers.

 

"Do you wanna do something?" Dean pushed Sam's hair out of his face. The younger boy rested hovering over him on his elbows.

"Like what? I'm okay here, with you."

"Like, watch a movie. Or, I don't know, go outside. Wait no, bad idea. Outside is off limits."

"Okay. Sounds good." Sam shrugged. "What movie?"

"The Wizard Of Oz." Dean sat up suddenly. "And I have just the thing to watch it with." Dean stood and began searching the room. Sam watched in confusion.

"Dude, what are you looking for?" He asked standing up to help.

"Check under the bed. It's a bag, it looks like it's full of cigs. It should be taped to the frame." Dean said, feeling down the back of the dresser. "If you find two, leave one." 

Sam looked under the bed, not finding the packages. Dean suddenly exclaimed, holding up a plastic baggie. 

"Ah ha!" 

Sam frowned. "Is that weed?" 

"Yes it is!" 

"And we're gonna smoke it?" 

"Uh hu." Dean nodded. 

"Where'd you get that, Dean?" Sam asked, looking scared.

"I bought it, from Ash." Dean said. The boys were standing in the center of the room in their boxers and tee-shirts. Sam shrugged. "Okay! You ready to watch this movie, or what?" 

 

The boys settled down in front of their small tv, Sam pressed against Dean's chest. They were laid out on their couch, sprawled out on top of each other, high as kites. Dean passed a joint to Sam, and the smaller boy inhaled, pupils dilated, body lazy. Dean was stretched out under him, a blissed out calm, lax and glazed over. 

The movie played, and the two of them found humor in it. Sam was giggly and easy. The boys stayed on the couch for hours, eventually talking to each other.

"Sam, how'd you feel?" 

"Good, like, really good. Like I'm able to forget about everything." Sam breathed, he mouth close to Dean's ear. 

"Yeah, me too." Dean sighed, breathing out a cloud of smoke. "So, look. I don't want you to catch any ideas, like you're about to be going places and doing drugs, okay. This is okay, cause I'm regulating this. Don't go off and tell people you've smoked weed, or nothin like that. 'Kay?" Dean looked down his front at his tiny little brother. 

"Yeah. Okay." Sam crawled up Dean, sitting on his waist. "Dean, why'd this happen?"

"'Cause I fucked up, Sammy. Like I always do. I let 'er get one on me. She was naked when I came home from droppin' you here. She was waitin' for me, Sammy. Waitin', an then she wouldn't let me put a condom on. Man, I shoulda ignored her. Told 'er to put some clothes on, 'er something. I shoulda known this is what she was gonna do." Dean ran his hands through his boy's hair possessively. Sam arched into the touch.

"Dean, it isn't your fault. I told you I don't blame you for this. Lisa is being selfish." 

"Sam, now I'm tethered to her. Now I have to be there for her. I have a kid now. And I love it with all my heart, but I can't do this. I can't have a family with her. This is my fault, I shoulda found somebody to prove dad wrong." Dean closed his eyes as Sam leaned down on him. Sam breathed some smoke into Dean's mouth.

"Dean, that's on her. She pushed you to do something you didn't want to. Both of them did." 

Dean let the conversation drop, puffing smoke rings at Sam, who inhaled them like he was drink water. 

"'Love you." They said in unison. 

 

The next morning, Dean left early. Sam was still asleep. He drove the longest route home, making sure he ate. 

Lisa was awake too. She was happy, but worried about Dean.

"Hey." Lisa looked up from where she was on the couch as Dean came in. 

"Hi." 

"Where were you? Are you okay?" 

"I was with Sam. And yeah, I'm alright."

Lisa nodded, and wrapped her arms around Dean. "You scared me. What's up?" 

"Nothin', wanted to see you." Dean rubbed her back gently. He was still unhappy, but he didn't let it show. 

"Dean, I want you." Lisa pushed herself on Dean.

"Oh no, no, no. You're on probation after that stunt you just pulled." Dean pulled away. Lisa pouted. 

"Dean, we have a baby." Lisa smiled, shaking off the hurt of Dean's rejection.

"Yeah. We do." Dean nodded. 

"Aren't you happy?" 

Dean shook his head. "Not with you, no." 

Lisa's face fell. Dean ignored her, and started getting ready for work. 

 

"Hey! Congrats on the baby!"  
"Congratulations, Winchester!"  
"Gettin' good Winchester!"   
"Can't wait to see you with a little one. You must be so excited!"  
"Nice one, Dean!"  
"Congrats!"  
"Get ready, you're gonna be up for hours with your new little one. Congratulations."  
"Enjoy ten months of no sleep!"

Dean just smiled and thanked people. He felt like shit. The next morning Dean asked Benny to pick Sam up for soccer.

"Hey brother. Sam's not home." Benny called Dean from outside the Winchester residence.   
"What da ya mean he isn't home? Is my dad home?"  
"Nope. Sorry, I think they went out."   
"Okay, thanks. I'll go in and check for them later."   
"Alright brother. Talk to you later." Benny hung up, tossing one last concerned over his shoulder.

Dean pulled up to the house. It was dark, no lights on inside, shades open. Dean frowned deep, unlocking the door.

"Dad? Sammy? You guys home?" Dean called into the house, walking through the living room to the stairs. Dean stopped at the stairs.

"Sam? What's up, why are you sittin' on the stairs like that?" Sam sat in the middle of the stair case, stiff, completely still. It was dark and Dean couldn't see Sam's face well, but he looked pained.

"You weren't at practice yesterday, or home. Everything okay, bud?" Dean started up the stairs to his brother.

Sam jerked back suddenly, when Dean reached out to him. "Dean. I think I need to the hospital." 

"Sam? What's wrong?" Dean fitted a hand under Sam's chin, forcing his brother to look up at him. Sam pulled back, almost falling up the stairs, hissing in pain. Dean pulled Sam toward him, the younger boy nearly screaming in pain. Dean gathered him close.

"Raise your shirt." Dean said after looking at Sam's cheek, which was swollen. Sam pulled the fabric up gingerly, tears streaming down his face. His sides were grossly discolored. Dean pulled the tiny boy into his arms a gently as possible and ran from the house, laying Sam down in the back seat. 

Dean speed to the hospital, his face a wall of stone. Sam whimpered from the back seat as they approached the hospital.

"'S gonna be okay baby boy. 'S gonna be okay." Dean reached back to Sam, who held his hand like a lifeline.

 

Dean sat in a stiff plastic chair in the hospital waiting room, elbows digging into his knees. Sam had been shuffled off somewhere in a hurry hours ago, and Dean was getting worried. 

"Mister Winchester?" A dark skinned nurse approached him slowly, like she would a feral dog.

"Yeah that's me." Dean stood, closing the short distance between them.

"Your brother's out of surgery." She said gaining confidence. "You can go see him."

"Does he need to stay?" 

"Yeah, he's scheduled to stay for about three days before you can take 'im home. It's just for observation."

"Oh. Okay, thanks, Doctor?" Dean nodded.

"You can call me Cassie." The Doctor turned and left.

Dean made his way to Sam's room, bitting his nails. There were doctors standing over Sam's bed when he came in, and they all turned to look at him when he entered.

"Mr. Winchester, may I speak with you." A doctor with a pointed nose spoke up after a tense moment.

"Sure." 

"Your brother has extensive wounds. Three of his ribs are broken, an arm, and his face in so bruised he can't open either of his eyes anymore. So I'm going to ask you this once, and only once. And I want to know the truth. Do you know what happened?"

"No sir, I don't. I came home from work lookin' for him, an' he was just sitting on the stairs, all banged up. He wasn't home yesterday, and I don't know where he was." Dean tried to steady his voice. His eyes watered and a tear slipped down his face. 

"Mr. Winchester, take a breath. I don't want you to work yourself up. Thank you for being honest with me. Your brother will be staying here for three days for observation. Mr. Winchester, I suggest you go home and get some rest now and come back in the morning." The doctor patted his arm, and marched off.

Dean wiped his eyes and shook his head. Sam wouldn't be awake for a few hours, so he had an opportunity to get home and tell Lisa where he'd be.

 

On the way back to the hospital, Dean saw a small toy shop. He stopped, trying to distract himself for a moment. Making his way to the stuffed animal section, he spotted a stuffed moose. Picking it up, he read the tag; it's name was Sammy. Dean laughed, moose were Sam's favorite animal. He forked out ten dollars, and hauled ass back to the hospital.

Sam was still deep in his drug induced sleep when he got back, so he sat quietly watching the monitors surrounding his little brother's bed, falling into a dreamless sleep.

Dean was woken by the sound of soft laughter. Sam was staring at the stuffed moose in his arms, laughing. 

"Hey." Dean smiled.

"Hi." Sam giggled. Dean held out the moose.

"'S for you. I thought it was fate that you two should meet. His name's Sammy." 

Sam laughed harder taking the stuffed creature. "Thanks, De."

"How do you feel?" Dean scooted closer to him, reaching out to run his hand through Sam's hair.

Sam sighed, lacing his fingers through Dean's. "Okay, for the moment." 

Dean nodded, chewing the inside of his cheek. Sam fiddled with the antler of his new stuffed companion. "'M sorry, De." 

Dean cocked his head to one side. "For what?"

"This. Hospitals are expensive." 

"Sammy, you're hurt. This is where you need to be. I'm the one who should be sorry. I shrugged off my responsibility to you, and something happened when I wasn't there."

"This isn't your fault Dean." Sam's doe eyes filled with tears. "'S mine. I was disobedient. I neglected my responsibilities." 

"What? What are you talking about? Sam?" Dean searched his battered brother's face.

"I didn't do what I was told."

"Dad did this didn't he? Sam why didn't you tell me? Call Lisa, the shop, Benny, Bobby, Ellen? Baby boy, they're all here for you if you need help." Dean squeezed Sam's little hand. "What happened, baby? Tell me what happened."

"Dad told me to go down to the basement for a bottle of whiskey for him, and I said no. He was drunk. It was only twelve in the afternoon, Dean. He threw me around, and..." Sam took a breath and motioned to his state. "Benny thought we weren't home because dad left, and locked me in the basement." Sam dissolved into tears.

Dean nodded, stroking Sam's hair. "'S okay. It's alright. You don't have to say anything else." 

Soon Sam was crying for another reason. His medication wore off and his sides hurt so profusely that he couldn't breathe properly. Dean just sat by, and held his hand to comfort him.

The twelfth rolled around and Sam was out of the hospital. The Winchesters were broke with a baby on the way, and an injured child. Dean was seriously unhappy, and Sam was just as pissed off as he was. 

As the boys pulled up to the house, Dean turned to Sam. "Don't worry about her. If she says anything to you, tell me."

Lisa looked shocked to see them when the cane in. "I'll get the room ready." She hurried off to fix the bedroom.

Sam had no appetite and headed to bed before dinner. Dean sat at the table by himself as Lisa washed the dishes. 

"Dean, what happened to Sam?" She asked drying her hands.

"Muh dad beat him." Dean ground his teeth.

"Dean, seriously? You keep putting-"

"Lisa, child abuse is a thing. Just because your mommy and daddy hugged and kissed you every night before bed, doesn't mean everybody's parents do that for their kids!" Dean slammed his glass back onto the table. "My father's abused both of us, and this relationship I'm in with you, is a sure sign of it. You think I don't remember that we were lab partners before I dropped outta school? You think I don't remember you, and every other girl in the school trailing after me every time I went somewhere? My father put us up together 'cause he doesn't want me interfering with him beating on Sam. Why do you think the kids so fucking attached to me? I'm his parents. Not that asshole who calls himself a Winchester, me! I'm the main source of income for that house. I pay the bills, I feed them, I buy him clothes and toys and things he asks for. Not. My. Father!" 

Lisa looked up at Dean. "Why'd you pretend not to know me when I came to your house?"

"You acted like you didn't know me either. We spent a year sitting next to each other and you don't remember what I look like?"

"Dean-" Lisa reached out to touch Dean's cheek.

"No, Lisa! I play your game for a year and a half, and you won't even admit to yourself that my father is an abusive bastard. You treat my brother terribly and- and me. I'm just a dick with money to you. Don't touch me!"

"De?" Sam tugged on Dean's shirt.

Dean looked down at the smaller boy. "Hey kid. Need your meds?" Sam shook his head. 

"Wass goin' on?"

"Nothin' baby boy. It's okay. Go back to sleep." Sam rubbed his eyes and disappeared back into the room.

Lisa leaned against the counter and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"Whatever Lisa. Don't apologize." 

Dean fell asleep wrapped gingerly around Sam that night.


	17. Chapter 17

Weeks dragged on, and Dean only felt worse. Sam was getting better, and slowly got back to soccer. Lisa kept her distance. The Winchesters still had no money and things were difficult. John was in declining health.

Dean felt like he was just barely keeping his head above the water. He started taking long drives and walks through the woods in his free time, trying to clear his head. One afternoon, as he stumbled through the brush behind the house, Dean pulled out his pocket knife. He sat with his back against a tree, turning it over and over in his hands. He'd considered it many of times, taking his own life. Now just seemed like the right time. Flicking the blade open, Dean closed his eyes. He traced over the vein leading to his palm. Dean dragged the blade hard over his palm. Blood pooled and ran down his arm. Dean just stared.

 

Sam made his way through the thick brush, calling his brother's name. Dean disappeared behind their house hours before, and Sam was nervous. 

"Dean? Dude, where are you?" Sam trigger down Dean's usual path. A flash of brown caught his eye. It was Dean, leaned against a tree.

"Hey! Dude, what's up with you? You've been out for hours... Dean?" Sam got closer. "What the fuck! Dean!" Sam shook his brother's shoulders. 

"Sammy? What the Hell are you doing out here?" Dean came out of his stupor.

"Dude! What the Hell's wrong with you? Look at your fuckin' hand! Did you do this? De? Did you?" Sam knelt in front of Dean, holding Dean's cut hand in his own.

"Yeah. Yeah I did." Dean looked away, ashamed.

"You were gonna... You were gonna- gonna leave me?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Sammy." Dean looked into his brother's pleading eyes. 

"De, you can't!" Sam pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket, quickly tying it around the wound. "No. Please. Don't." 

"I'm sorry." Dean wept.

 

The boys sat together on their bed, Lisa standing over them. She shook her head.

"Dean, why?" 

"I don't know, Lisa. I just... I don't know." Dean looked away. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing!" Sam jumped at the sound of Lisa's raised voice. 

"The fucking Hell you want me to say then? 'My bad'? Fuck you, Lisa." Dean stood, backing her into the dresser. She grabbed his hand.

"You did this cause of me?" 

"No." Dean looked away. 

"Then why?" 

"I can't do this." Dean pulled away, retreating out of the house to the Impala. Sam trailed after him, intent on keeping his brother close.

"De, let's go home." The little boy pressed himself into Dean's side as they drove along.

"Okay." Dean switched lanes.

 

The boys sat in the empty lot that used to be their house. Sam was cradled in Dean arms, aa they sat on the hood.

"Sam, I'm sorry." Dean kissed the top of his brother's head.

"It's okay. I understand." Sam rolled up his sleeve, a column of faint white lines appearing over his tan wrist. "Just promise you won't anymore." 

"Yeah." Dean pushed down his sleeve, a matching row of fading scars on his wrist. "I promise. No more. We're done." 

The pair sat together awhile longer, tracing their scars, holding each other.

 

Lisa gave birth on the first Tuesday in March. Benjamin Issac Braden was born at 2:16 a.m. Dean held his son and wept like a child. 

Ben took an immediate liking to his father and uncle, crying when they put him down, and being quite disgruntled when he was left alone with his mother. 

"Dean, he hates me." Lisa looked disappointed when Ben finally quieted in Dean arms. 

"He doesn't. He just misses his papa, ain't that right lil' guy?" Dean rocked the newborn gently, watching with immeasurable devotion as his son fell asleep. The baby boy cooed quietly. Lisa pursed her lips, and put her head in her hands.

"Lisa, he's a baby, he doesn't know who's who yet. Give him time to adjust." Sam said, watching Dean with the same level of devotion the older Winchester was looking at his son with. 

"Why don't you two just take him." Lisa stormed off.

"Why does she have to be like that?" Sam shook his head.

"Fuck if I know." Dean put Ben down in his crib. "Sorry kid, daddy's got a bad mouth." Dean smiled sheepishly.

Sam crawled towards his brother on the couch. "He's getting worse, De." The blue ring around the youngest Winchester's eye was staring to fade. 

"I know, babe. There's not much I can do right now, except keep you here as long as possible." Dean picked up his little brother. "One day, you're gonna be to heavy for me to pick up. And I'm gonna make you carry me." Sam buried his face in Dean's neck.

"Don't take me home tomorrow." Sam sighed.

"I gotta, Sam. I can't leave you here with Lisa and the baby, and I already called all of your friend's parents. They're all outta town."

"Take me to Ellen's." 

"Nope. Jo's havin' one of her mood swings again and Ellen don't want nobody around. Sam, it's only a couple of days. Please, just bear with me." Dean could almost feel Sam's eye roll. The bitchface was inevitable.

Dean was finally getting to sign the papers that would make him Sam's legal guardian. He was starting to get impatient with Ms. Barnes, his social worker, but it was all starting to work itself out. 

"Sammy, I promise, one more week and you'll be with me, full time." Dean gathered Sam closer to him. 

"Fuck. Fine." Sam groaned.

 

"Ready, Dean? Last one." Pam slipped the last piece of paper work over to Dean.

"Thank God!" Dean laughed nervously. He wrote his signature quickly, shaking out his hand and exhaling quickly.

"Congratulations! You are now Samuel Anthony Henry Winchester's legal guardian!" Pam exclaimed, patting Dean's shoulder. 

"Great. Thanks for all your help, Pam." Dean smiled. 

 

John's health was taking a dip. He was constantly out of breath, and coughing up blood. Dean worried, but kept his distance until his father made it clear what was wrong.

"Boys, sit." John motioned to the couch.

"Sir?" Dean asked after a moment.

"I got somethin' to tell you. I've got lung cancer. I can't be home on my own anymore. Doctors orders."

"Dad, Dean's got Lisa and Ben... He can't-" Sam frowned at his father.

"Sam. It's okay. I can handle a little more responsibility. Plus, it's dad." Dean rubbed the small of Sam's back. Dean sneered in the back of his mind, that's what you get, you fucking bastard.

Dean ran the garage from home, taking calls, and placing orders for parts that needed to be shipped. Money was still tight, and Sam wasn't eating. 

"Sam, food!" Dean called up the stairs.

"Not hungry." Sam shrugged him off, crossing the landing to the bathroom.

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed. 

John got progressively worse, and his medications stopped working.

"I'd give two months tops." The doctor shook his head. "I'm sorry, to both of you boys, but there is absolutely nothing we can do. I suggest you taking him home, and let him live out his last days without a needle in his arm." 

Sam crumpled on himself and shook gently with tears. "I don't want Dad to die, Dean." 

"Me either, Sammy." Dean rubbed his baby brother's back. 

John held a sleeping Ben, smiling quietly. "'M real proud of you, son. The boy looks just like you." Dean ducked his head, Sam laughed.

Sickness over took John, and Sam worried that their father would die before Ben turned one. 

After a bad coughing fit, Dean left the house to get food, ordering Sam to stay with their father. 

Sam was found outside the house shaking and crying. It was reported that he had run out of the house screaming,"He's dead! He's dead!" 

John died on a Tuesday. 

As they laid in bed together, Sam whispered to Dean.

"I'm scared."

"Me too." Dean buried his face in Sam's ever growing hair.

The boys moved six times before Sam graduated from high school. 

Sam got accepted to Stanford, and they moved across the country to California.


	18. Chapter 18

Cas reached out and held fast to Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to go through so much to get here." 

"I don't want you, or need you to apologize. Please don't." Dean shook his head. "That's everything. How we ended up here, why I'm so... Whatever. You get it." Dean stood brushing off Castiel's hand.

Cas sat on the couch, and watched his friend walk away. A tug in his chest made him follow.

"Dean... Do you think that you don't deserve all that you have now?" Cas frowned at Dean. 

The green eyed man was taken aback at Castiel's eyes. They were striking in the dark of the kitchen, a blue that took his breath away. The other man looked severe, yet serene. There was a power that surrounded him, wrapping around both of them. "I don't know, Cas." 

"Why do you think that you are less than what you have proven yourself to be? You are special, Dean. Beautiful, strong, intelligent, beyond what the eye can see. You should not doubt yourself, as you do, nor belittle yourself." Castiel stepped closer to Dean.

"That's all I've ever been told. That I'm nobody. That I'm just daddy's little soldier. And that's all I've ever been." Dean backed Castiel into the counter. "Whatever it is you think you see in me, it's a fucking illusion. I'm not special, Cas. I'm just what everyone else wants me to be." 

"No you aren't Dean. I wanted you to be a noisy, annoying neighbor, so I could get you evicted, but you turned out to be my best friend. You are your brother's everything, you're a family man. You'd do anything to take care of your family. I've seen my own brother's walk out on me, my mother, their wives. Dean, feel no shame in who you are." 

"Cas, you don't know me. I'm not what you see. I run from everything. I'm here because I'm running. Running from my dad, from Lisa, from... damnit! I'm running from myself!" Dean laughed. A dry, humorless laugh. "I can't take care of my family. I fucking bailed on my kid. The only reason Sam's here with me is because he wants to get the Hell away from me. He's the one who wanted to go to school, to be a lawyer, to marry a girl. I can't do that."

"What is it that you don't understand about yourself that makes you say that? You saved my life, Dean! From what you just told me, you delivered a baby! On your own. You raised a town of children to grown up, get good jobs and have a better life than you did. You can do anything you set your mind to Dean. Your past does NOT define you!" Castiel bellowed. 

Dean pressed Cas into the counter. "Who are you to say that to me? You went into hiding because your cousin hates you. Cas, we're both running fools. Just because you think you see something in me, doesn't mean it exists." 

There was a beat of silence in the darkened kitchen. A flash of lightning illuminated Castiel's silhouette. He was crying. A through of thunder covered the sound of the door slamming. Dean stood alone.

 

Sam and Castiel were absent for close to a weeks time, and Tuesday approached rapidly. 

Dean slunk out of his apartment that morning, slightly hungover, and in an overall bad mood.

Charlie stood up as Dean entered, but he brushed passed her, no acknowledgement of her presence. 

"Morning, Dean." She said, as his glass door closed silently. She sighed sitting. 

Lunch rolled around, and Dean's mood hadn't improved. Dean stopped at Charlie's desk. "Can you let Zachariah know I'm on my lunch break?" Dean turned to leave.

"Yeah sure. Dean, what's wrong?" 

"Nothing, Charlie." Dean slipped out of the office.


	19. Chapter 19

Dean pushed his way onto the trolley, scanning for a seat. He grabbed the overhead safety handle, and sighed.

"Hello Dean." A voice said.

Dean looked up sharply, it was Castiel. "Hey. Where are you headed?"

"To the studio. Where are you off to?" 

"Lunch meeting with one of my dad's old friends. I thought the studio was the other way for you."

"I meant the real one, Dean." Cas shot Dean a small smile. "Well, this is me. I hope your meeting goes well." Cas made his was through the crowd of people to the trolley door.

"Maybe I'll catch you on your way back." Dean watched his friend go.

"Maybe." The trolley doors shut.

 

"Dean! It's so good to see you son, come sit." Caleb slapped Dean on the back a few times. "How've you been? How's Sam?"

"Let's try to make this quick. I've only got an hour. You said you have something for me, get on with it." Dean discarded the older mans questioning, and gritted his teeth.

"Right then, straight on to business. Like I said on the phone, I found this stuff back at your old place. Thought you might want it." Caleb placed a wooden box on the table. A small plastic baggie with a key inside was taped to the top.

"Thanks." Dean snatched the box off the table, and stood to leave. 

"Leaving already? I thought-"

"Caleb, I don't want me or my brother to have anything to do with any of John's contacts. I'm not a fool, I know what you want. Fuck off and leave my family out of this shit until you've nailed that bastard to a court bench." Dean leaned into Caleb's face. "Loose my fucking number, or I swear on my life, I will be the last thing you ever see. I've been out in this shit-storm enough, stop trying to drag me back into it." 

The older man sat stunned as Dean stormed from the restaurant.

The rest of the day was uneventful for Dean, and he got so caught up in his work he almost forgot to leave. Dean walked quickly back to the apartment, forgoing the trolley in an effort to clear his mind.

Sam was home when Dean got there. "Hey De." 

"Hey. Did you eat?" Dean set the box on the floor near the bed. Sam shook his head no. "I'll order something." 

"What's all that stuff? You never bring paperwork home." Sam motioned to the box on the floor.

"I met up with Caleb earlier." Sam nodded.   
"I hope you didn't-"  
"Don't go there. I did. I told him he same thing I told the rest of them. Caleb just needs to be told a bunch of times 'cause he's a stubborn son of a bitch."

Sam sighed. "Dean. He's not dad."  
"I don't give a fuck at this point. I don't want to be involved. This shit is a tax on me as is, I don't need them giving me pointless updates on nothing. 'Cause that's what it was."

"Cas stopped by around seven. Wanted to know if you were home." Sam leaned back on the bed again. "Go see him, and apologize for what ever you said to him." 

Dean squinted at his brother. "What do you know-"

"Nothing. But I can tell you were being a dick while I was gone. Don't come back until you've said sorry."

Dean shook his head. "Alright."

Castiel opened his door to find Dean leaning on the door frame. "Hey."

"Hello Dean." Cas huffed.  
"Can I come in?"   
Castiel opened the door wider.

"Look, I'm sorry about the other night. What I said was uncalled for, and unnecessary."

"Yes, it was. But I forgive you. Dean, you are everything I said you are, weather you chose to believe me or not. You should not doubt yourself."

"Sounds like you meditated on that." Dean bit his lip.

"I just wish you could see yourself like others do."

"Yeah, well, what others see is an ass load of bullshit." 

"Grow up." Castiel growled. "If you meant that apology, you wouldn't have said that." 

Dean closed his eyes. "Cas, I'm sorry I can't see whatever you see in me."

"Get out."

"Cas, I really am."

"You think this a joke. Get out of here, now. Come back when you have something positive to say."

"Okay." Dean turned and left.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam, sorry for the intense hiatus... But I'm back! So don't worry. <3

Dean wiggled the doorknob, it was locked.   
“Fuck. Sam open the door.” Dean pounded on the bedroom door.  
The door swung open suddenly, Sam glared angrily at Dean. “Get fucked.”  
“Dude, what the Hell? Let me in?” Dean tried to push his little brother out of the way.  
“Nope. I told you to apologize. So, fuck off, you can sleep on the couch.” Sam slammed the door.  
“You know, I’d pull rank on you, but what good does that do, huh? Sam, come on.” Dean heard the click of the lock. He rolled his eyes and grabbed sheets from the linen closet.   
The rest of Dean’s week was pretty shitty. A guy on the trolley ruined his work shoes. Sam basically moved out on him, growling at Dean about hurting people and broken promises. Cas was practically a ghost, avoiding him at every possible moment. Lisa called, and so did Caleb. By Friday, Dean was nearly in tears when he left work. He wanted to call Sam, but Sam had blocked his number saying if he didn’t fix his situation with Castiel, he would move out permanently.  
Charlie and another guy from Sanders, Ash invited Dean out for drinks, but he turned them down, missing his brother and his best friend dearly. The eldest Winchester went to bed miserable, and woke to an empty bed.   
After milling around for the majority of Saturday, Dean made up his mind to visit Cas. He was so cold without his family, the warmth he’d felt all those weeks ago retreating from his chest. It hurt. Dean knocked on his friends door, anticipation and longing rolling his stomach.   
“What do you want, Dean?”  
“Cas… I… Um… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Cas, I didn’t mean it.” Dean fumbled, pain in his eyes and chest.   
Castiel stared at Dean minutely. “Come inside.”  
Cas gave Dean a cup of coffee. “Sit.” Dean raised his eyebrows. “Dean, sit down. I want to talk to you.” Dean sat, knee bouncing up and down.  
“Look, Cas-“  
“Dean, shut up and let me.” Castiel looked exasperated. “I know you’re sorry for what you said to me. I know, so stop apologizing. I just don’t understand why you won’t listen to me, and understand that you’re not…” Cas searched for the right word. “Dean, you’re not a deserter, or a bad son, or whatever the Hell people have told you. The people around you look up to you, admire you, trust you. I… I trust you, Dean, I look up to you, I, I admire you. I aspire to be as outgoing as you, as openly caring, as free as you are Dean. I just wish you wouldn’t hate yourself the way you do, because it’s sickening to see you shred yourself over and over again. No one sees you the way you see yourself, and if they do, they don’t fucking know you.”  
Dean sat back stunned. Castiel lowered his head, and sighed.   
“Cas, I don’t know what to say. Thank you. Really. Um…”  
“You’re welcome, Dean.” Castiel stood taking Dean’s empty mug. “Are you hungry? I made some pasta with alfredo sauce, if you want to eat.”  
“You know me, I’m always hungry.” Dean smiled. “But, uh, Cas? I… Never mind come here.” Dean threw his arms around his friend. Shocked, Castiel stood stiff for a moment. “The same applies to you. Okay? You’re not what people say, either.”  
Cas softened under Dean’s arms. “Yes, Dean.”  
The pair ate together, making small talk. Dean felt that warmth again, and this time, Cas felt it, too.  
Sam returned back to him and Dean’s apartment, Dean eagerly accepting him. The group was back to their old routine.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy, this is chapter 2 going up today.... mores in the works my loves.

The year was coming to a close, Christmas was right around the corner and Dean had no idea what to get Cas.   
“Sammy…” Dean groaned.  
“What?” Sam raised his head from the couch head rest. The boys were sprawled out over each other on their tiny couch, Sam’s legs tangled in Dean’s.  
“What should I get Cas for Christmas?”   
Sam grunted shrugging, leaning back again. “I got him a Star Wars boxed set. He really seemed to enjoy it when you showed it to ‘im.”   
Dean sighed. “Maybe you should get him some cologne or something. I don’t know,” Sam smirked, “How ‘bout a promise ring.”   
Dean sat up sharply, kicking at Sam. “Dude what the fuck?”   
“What? Promise to never act like a dick again.” Sam said innocently. Dean nailed him between the legs with his heel. “Fuck!” Sam clenched his legs together blocking Dean’s feet.  
“Seriously though Sam, what should I get him?” Dean returned to his pensive state, a slight frown taking over his features.  
“Why don’t you just ask him what he wants?” Sam winced.   
“’Cause it ruins the surprise of Christmas.” Dean said. “I never ask what you want for Christmas, and I always get you somethin’ you like or want. But I know you. I don’t know him that well. And I feel bad, ‘cause what if I mess up, ya know? What if he doesn’t like it?”   
“Yeah. That’s how I felt with Jess when we first started dating.” Sam’s eyes softened. Dean smiled slightly at his brother. “You like her a lot, huh?”  
Sam nodded slowly. “She’s great. Reminds me of you sometimes. Her eyes. When she laughs. She’s so…”  
“Perfect.” Dean completed.   
“Yeah. Perfect.”  
“You know, Dad, he used to say that about Mom.” Dean huffed a little laugh, eyes filled with broken love. “He loved her so much.”  
The boys shared a look.  
“I think maybe you should talk to Gabriel.” Sam said after a while.   
“Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.”

Dean visited Anna and Gabriel, their cousin Balthazar was visiting from England. The four of them sat in the living room, Dean sat stiffly in a plush arm chair, Gabriel was perched on the fire place mantel, and Anna sitting on the floor in front of the couch where Balthazar was sprawled.   
“Hey! Dean, right? You’re the guy Cassie likes so much.” Gabriel grinned at Dean.  
“Yep. That’s me. I wanted to get some advice from you.”  
“Ohhh. I see. You wanna know how to propose to him? You wanna know what size ring to get him?” The smaller man smirked. Balthazar cackled at the sight of Dean’s bitchface. Anna rolled her eyes.  
“No.” Dean pursed his lips. “I just thought you knew what type of things Cas is interested in. I’m not really sure what to get ‘im for Christmas.” Dean shrugged sheepishly.  
“Okay. Well, my brother is a Grade A hermit. He’s been livin’ all hidden like that for 3 and a half years now. But, he likes to travel. He’s been all over; Ireland, Scotland, England, Australia. Maybe set him up for a trip somewhere.”  
“Gabriel, I don’t exactly have the money for that.” Dean sighed.  
Gabriel cracked his knuckles against the coffee table. “What about a new guitar? He’s been using the same one since we were kids. Dad bought it for him.”  
“Um, that has sentimental value to him, Gabe.” Anna chimed from the floor. “I don’t think he wants a new one.”  
“Ah, I’ve got it. Give him a mix tape. Like the old days!” Balthazar crowed from the couch.  
“Actually that is a great idea, Balthy.” Gabe turned to his cousin.  
“What kind of music does Cas even listen to?” Dean frowned.  
“Who knows? Give him something you like.” Anna said.   
“Something that reminds you of him.” Balthazar paced behind the couch.  
“Yeah, Dean. Make him a tape, or maybe a few, of your favorite songs. I think he’ll like it.” Anna smiled.  
Dean nodded. “Thanks guys.” He turned to leave.  
“No problemo, Dean-o. Say hola to Sammy for me.” Gabriel popped a sucker in his mouth.  
Anna followed Dean to the door. “Treat him well, okay? I heard about your little fight. Be careful with him, Dean he’s still healing.” Dean nodded.  
“Yeah, he is. I’m trying… To, do better I guess.” Anna smiled.  
“You’ve fallen hard, Mr. Winchester. Take care of yourself, maybe I’ll see you during the holidays. Feel free to drop by any time.” Anna winked. The door shut.  
Dean smiled to himself and shook his head.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3,3,3, that's the magic number.

“Charlie…” Dean said in a sing-song voice. He was leaning over the lip of his red headed secretary’s desk.  
“What, you green eyed fool?” She smirked.  
Dean leaned back, hand over heart, playing at mock offence. “I’m hurt.” Charlie grinned at him. “Come on, me and you. We’re going to lunch.”  
“Take Ash. I’m busy.” She pouted.  
“Nope, you and me. Come on, whatever it is you’re workin’ on can wait. It’s closer to one than it is twelve. You gotta eat, little worker bee.”  
Charlie rolled her eyes at the nickname, but stood grabbing her sweater. “Fine.”

“So, how’s your day been so far?” Dean smiled at Charlie.  
“It’s been okay, just busy. You know that though, your door is glass and you can see me.” She snarked.  
“Yeah, but it’s always nice to ask.” Dean put down his fork. They were eating in a nice Chinese restaurant, Charlie eating sushi, Dean attacking his chicken fried rice.   
“Dean what did you bring me here for?” Charlie put down her chopsticks.  
“Charlie, I want to apologize to you, for the way I acted the other day. I was in a bad mood, but I should have never let it affect the way I interact with the people I care about.” Dean said earnestly.   
“Dean, it’s fine. I’m a big girl I can handle a little bit of macho alphaness occasionally. What matters is that you’re not like that every day.”  
“That doesn’t excuse my actions, though, Charlie. So, I’m really sorry.”  
“It’s okay, Dean.”  
“You know I love you, right?” Dean smiled at his co-worker.  
“I know.”  
“Hey, you wanna come by for Christmas? I invited Ash, too.” Dean asked timidly, poking at his rice.  
“Yeah, sure. Who else is coming?” Charlie’s face lit up.  
“It’s gonna be me, Sammy, you, Ash, Cas, Anna, Gabriel, and their cousin Balthazar.” Dean shrugged.  
“Cool, I’m down.” Charlie’s smile widened. 

The rest of Dean’s day was less than perfect. He was swamped with phone calls, emails and a surprise meeting.  
“Dean Winchester. Just the man I’ve been looking for.” Zachariah Sanders stood in Dean’s office doorway.  
“Hey, Mr. Sanders.” Dean smiled nervously.  
“Zach, please. That makes me feel so much older than I really am.” The gray haired man chuckled. “Look, come in. Sit.”  
Dean sat at his desk stiffly. “So…”  
“Dean, I want to make you an offer.” Zachariah took a piece of paper from Dean’s desk, quickly scrawling some numbers. “We going to have a convention, in New York, in January, whole month, through the first week in February. And we need a representative. I’ve nominated you, seeing that you’ve been our best worker so far. As payment for your participation, a promotion, with this value.” The paper slid across the desk.  
13.8 mill a year  
Dean’s eyes widened. “Are you sure I’m the guy for this?”  
“Absolutely. You’ve proven your worth.”  
“I, uh-“ Dean started, a mantra of the Winchester Rule starting in his head.   
“Look, I’ll give you time to think. But, I need an answer as soon as possible, January is right around the corner.”  
“There’s got to be a catch.”  
“It’s more work up till then. That’s all.”  
Dean snorted “Yeah, that’s a given. But there’s got to be something else.”  
“Dean, I’ll tell you what. There’s a big meeting, in Seattle, Washington, we’re merging with another company. You’ll be there. Two days before Christmas. If you’re looking for the catch, there it is.”  
Dean nodded. “Yeah,” He huffed, “Okay.”  
“Is that a yes, I hear?”  
“It is. When will I be back from Washington?” Dean rested his head on his hands.  
“Same day. You’ll be home for Christmas.”  
“Okay.”  
“One more, small bit. 20 days on the beach, in April, so we can move you up.”  
“I’m down.” Dean nodded, slightly nauseas, the numbers still swimming in front of his eyes.   
“Great! Be ready, Dean.” Zachariah stood and straightening his suit jacket, and stalked out.  
Dean felt as if he had sold has sold his soul to the Devil. He was on edge again, that weight in his stomach from all those years ago returning. What would he do?


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM NUMBER FOUR.....

Dean stopped at a music shop on the way home, grabbing some blank tapes. He sent a silent thank you to Anna and Gabriel. He also picked up a few new tapes for Sam.  
“Hey.” Sam perked up at the sight of food.  
“Hey, Squirt.” Dean smiled.  
“Dean, I’m taller than you now.” Sam shook his head smiling. “What’dja get?”  
“Chinese. And…” Dean held up the bag of tapes, “Some tapes for you.”  
“Sweet. Thanks. Sam took the bag. “Nice, Dean.” Sam looked through the tapes. “You remembered.” He held up an REO Speedwagon tape. Sam had lost the one he had gotten when he was younger in one of their moves.  
“How could I forget?” Dean sighed. “Sam, I need to talk to you.”   
“So this was a bribe, huh?” Sam huffed a laugh, tossing the tape back in the bag.  
“No, but, I thought it might cheer you up.” Dean grimaced. “Look, I have to go away for work.”  
“When?”  
“Two days before Christmas, while you’re in school. I’ll be home same day, but in January, I’m gonna be gone through February.” Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m the company scapegoat, otherwise known as the representative with the highest sales, and shit.”   
Sam closed his eyes. “Shit, Dean. What about school? Who’s gonna take me when you leave next week? What about your birthday? What am I gonna do on break, while you’re not here, huh? What the fuck did they do to get you to take this?”  
“I took it ‘cause no one else would. And I’m workin’ on it. I think Cas’ll be able to take you to school next week. And maybe you can come out to New York with me while you’re on break.” Dean shrugged.  
“Okay. Well… Okay. I’m sorry for blowing up at you.” Sam tried to smile.  
“It’s all good. It’s okay. Alors, sur quoi travaillez-vous?”  
“Juste physique.”  
“D'accord, alors professeur. Quelque chose d'autre pour les devoirs?” Dean smiled.  
“Un article anglais, j'ai fini la nuit où il était assigné.”   
Dean rolled his eyes. “Bien sûr que vous avez fait.”   
The boys sat and ate, joking with each other, cussing at each other in French.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. Sorry for the long ass hiatus. It shouldn't really happen again, I won't be graduating again for awhile. Love you guys, so enjoy.
> 
> -Love, ThisGuy

The year was coming to a close, Christmas was right around the corner and Dean had no idea what to get Cas.   
“Sammy…” Dean groaned.

“What?” Sam raised his head from the couch head rest. The boys were sprawled out over each other on their tiny couch, Sam’s legs tangled in Dean’s.  
“What should I get Cas for Christmas?”

Sam grunted shrugging, leaning back again. “I got him a Star Wars boxed set. He really seemed to enjoy it when you showed it to ‘im.” 

Dean sighed. “Maybe you should get him some cologne or something. I don’t know,” Sam smirked, “How ‘bout a promise ring.” 

Dean sat up sharply, kicking at Sam. “Dude what the fuck?” 

“What? Promise to never act like a dick again.” Sam said innocently. Dean nailed him between the legs with his heel. “Fuck!” Sam clenched his legs together blocking Dean’s feet.

“Seriously though Sam, what should I get him?” Dean returned to his pensive state, a slight frown taking over his features.

“Why don’t you just ask him what he wants?” Sam winced.

“’Cause it ruins the surprise of Christmas.” Dean said. “I never ask what you want for Christmas, and I always get you somethin’ you like or want. But I know you. I don’t know him that well. And I feel bad, ‘cause what if I mess up, ya know? What if he doesn’t like it?” 

“Yeah. That’s how I felt with Jess when we first started dating.” Sam’s eyes softened. Dean smiled slightly at his brother. “You like her a lot, huh?”

Sam nodded slowly. “She’s great. Reminds me of you sometimes. Her eyes. When she laughs. She’s so…”  
“Perfect.” Dean completed. 

“Yeah. Perfect.”

“You know, Dad, he used to say that about Mom.” Dean huffed a little laugh, eyes filled with broken love. “He loved her so much.”  
The boys shared a look.

“I think maybe you should talk to Gabriel.” Sam said after a while.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I will.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess what? This is one of like six chapters going up today. See how much I love and miss u all?
> 
> -ThisGuy~

Dean visited Anna and Gabriel, their cousin Balthazar was visiting from England. The four of them sat in the living room, Dean sat stiffly in a plush arm chair, Gabriel was perched on the fire place mantel, and Anna sitting on the floor in front of the couch where Balthazar was sprawled.   
“Hey! Dean, right? You’re the guy Cassie likes so much.” Gabriel grinned at Dean.  
“Yep. That’s me. I wanted to get some advice from you.”  
“Ohhh. I see. You wanna know how to propose to him? You wanna know what size ring to get him?” The smaller man smirked. Balthazar cackled at the sight of Dean’s bitchface. Anna rolled her eyes.  
“No.” Dean pursed his lips. “I just thought you knew what type of things Cas is interested in. I’m not really sure what to get ‘im for Christmas.” Dean shrugged sheepishly.  
“Okay. Well, my brother is a Grade A hermit. He’s been livin’ all hidden like that for 3 and a half years now. But, he likes to travel. He’s been all over; Ireland, Scotland, England, Australia. Maybe set him up for a trip somewhere.”  
“Gabriel, I don’t exactly have the money for that.” Dean sighed.  
Gabriel cracked his knuckles against the coffee table. “What about a new guitar? He’s been using the same one since we were kids. Dad bought it for him.”  
“Um, that has sentimental value to him, Gabe.” Anna chimed from the floor. “I don’t think he wants a new one.”  
“Ah, I’ve got it. Give him a mix tape. Like the old days!” Balthazar crowed from the couch.  
“Actually that is a great idea, Balthy.” Gabe turned to his cousin.  
“What kind of music does Cas even listen to?” Dean frowned.  
“Who knows? Give him something you like.” Anna said.   
“Something that reminds you of him.” Balthazar paced behind the couch.  
“Yeah, Dean. Make him a tape, or maybe a few, of your favorite songs. I think he’ll like it.” Anna smiled.  
Dean nodded. “Thanks guys.” He turned to leave.  
“No problemo, Dean-o. Say hola to Sammy for me.” Gabriel popped a sucker in his mouth.  
Anna followed Dean to the door. “Treat him well, okay? I heard about your little fight. Be careful with him, Dean he’s still healing.” Dean nodded.  
“Yeah, he is. I’m trying… To, do better I guess.” Anna smiled.  
“You’ve fallen hard, Mr. Winchester. Take care of yourself, maybe I’ll see you during the holidays. Feel free to drop by any time.” Anna winked. The door shut.  
Dean smiled to himself and shook his head.


	26. Chapter 26

“Charlie…” Dean said in a sing-song voice. He was leaning over the lip of his red headed secretary’s desk.  
“What, you green eyed fool?” She smirked.  
Dean leaned back, hand over heart, playing at mock offence. “I’m hurt.” Charlie grinned at him. “Come on, me and you. We’re going to lunch.”  
“Take Ash. I’m busy.” She pouted.  
“Nope, you and me. Come on, whatever it is you’re workin’ on can wait. It’s closer to one than it is twelve. You gotta eat, little worker bee.”  
Charlie rolled her eyes at the nickname, but stood grabbing her sweater. “Fine.”

“So, how’s your day been so far?” Dean smiled at Charlie.  
“It’s been okay, just busy. You know that though, your door is glass and you can see me.” She snarked.  
“Yeah, but it’s always nice to ask.” Dean put down his fork. They were eating in a nice Chinese restaurant, Charlie eating sushi, Dean attacking his chicken fried rice.   
“Dean what did you bring me here for?” Charlie put down her chopsticks.  
“Charlie, I want to apologize to you, for the way I acted the other day. I was in a bad mood, but I should have never let it affect the way I interact with the people I care about.” Dean said earnestly.   
“Dean, it’s fine. I’m a big girl I can handle a little bit of macho alphaness occasionally. What matters is that you’re not like that every day.”  
“That doesn’t excuse my actions, though, Charlie. So, I’m really sorry.”  
“It’s okay, Dean.”  
“You know I love you, right?” Dean smiled at his co-worker.  
“I know.”  
“Hey, you wanna come by for Christmas? I invited Ash, too.” Dean asked timidly, poking at his rice.  
“Yeah, sure. Who else is coming?” Charlie’s face lit up.  
“It’s gonna be me, Sammy, you, Ash, Cas, Anna, Gabriel, and their cousin Balthazar.” Dean shrugged.  
“Cool, I’m down.” Charlie’s smile widened.


	27. Chapter 27

The rest of Dean’s day was less than perfect. He was swamped with phone calls, emails and a surprise meeting.  
“Dean Winchester. Just the man I’ve been looking for.” Zachariah Sanders stood in Dean’s office doorway.  
“Hey, Mr. Sanders.” Dean smiled nervously.  
“Zach, please. That makes me feel so much older than I really am.” The gray haired man chuckled. “Look, come in. Sit.”  
Dean sat at his desk stiffly. “So…”   
“Dean, I want to make you an offer.” Zachariah took a piece of paper from Dean’s desk, quickly scrawling some numbers. “We going to have a convention, in New York, in January, whole month, through the first week in February. And we need a representative. I’ve nominated you, seeing that you’ve been our best worker so far. As payment for your participation, a promotion, with this value.” The paper slid across the desk.  
13.8 mill a year  
Dean’s eyes widened. “Are you sure I’m the guy for this?”  
“Absolutely. You’ve proven your worth.”  
“I, uh-“ Dean started, a mantra of the Winchester Rule starting in his head.   
“Look, I’ll give you time to think. But, I need an answer as soon as possible, January is right around the corner.”  
“There’s got to be a catch.”  
“It’s more work up till then. That’s all.”  
Dean snorted “Yeah, that’s a given. But there’s got to be something else.”  
“Dean, I’ll tell you what. There’s a big meeting, in Seattle, Washington, we’re merging with another company. You’ll be there. Two days before Christmas. If you’re looking for the catch, there it is.”  
Dean nodded. “Yeah,” He huffed, “Okay.”  
“Is that a yes, I hear?”  
“It is. When will I be back from Washington?” Dean rested his head on his hands.  
“Same day. You’ll be home for Christmas.”  
“Okay.”  
“One more, small bit. 20 days on the beach, in April, so we can move you up.”  
“I’m down.” Dean nodded, slightly nauseas, the numbers still swimming in front of his eyes.   
“Great! Be ready, Dean.” Zachariah stood and straightening his suit jacket, and stalked out.  
Dean felt as if he had sold has sold his soul to the Devil. He was on edge again, that weight in his stomach from all those years ago returning. What would he do?


	28. Chapter 28

Dean stopped at a music shop on the way home, grabbing some blank tapes. He sent a silent thank you to Anna and Gabriel. He also picked up a few new tapes for Sam.  
“Hey.” Sam perked up at the sight of food.  
“Hey, Squirt.” Dean smiled.  
“Dean, I’m taller than you now.” Sam shook his head smiling. “What’dja get?”  
“Chinese. And…” Dean held up the bag of tapes, “Some tapes for you.”  
“Sweet. Thanks. Sam took the bag. “Nice, Dean.” Sam looked through the tapes. “You remembered.” He held up an REO Speedwagon tape. Sam had lost the one he had gotten when he was younger in one of their moves.  
“How could I forget?” Dean sighed. “Sam, I need to talk to you.”   
“So this was a bribe, huh?” Sam huffed a laugh, tossing the tape back in the bag.  
“No, but, I thought it might cheer you up.” Dean grimaced. “Look, I have to go away for work.”  
“When?”  
“Two days before Christmas, while you’re in school. I’ll be home same day, but in January, I’m gonna be gone through February.” Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m the company scapegoat, otherwise known as the representative with the highest sales, and shit.”   
Sam closed his eyes. “Shit, Dean. What about school? Who’s gonna take me when you leave next week? What about your birthday? What am I gonna do on break, while you’re not here, huh? What the fuck did they do to get you to take this?”  
“I took it ‘cause no one else would. And I’m workin’ on it. I think Cas’ll be able to take you to school next week. And maybe you can come out to New York with me while you’re on break.” Dean shrugged.  
“Okay. Well… Okay. I’m sorry for blowing up at you.” Sam tried to smile.  
“It’s all good. It’s okay. Alors, sur quoi travaillez-vous?”  
“Juste physique.”  
“D'accord, alors professeur. Quelque chose d'autre pour les devoirs?” Dean smiled.  
“Un article anglais, j'ai fini la nuit où il était assigné.”   
Dean rolled his eyes. “Bien sûr que vous avez fait.”   
The boys sat and ate, joking with each other, cussing at each other in French.


	29. Chapter 29

Dean sat in the airport, dreading the flight to come. He’d called Sam six time in the past hour, his younger brother talking him through his fear. He wanted to call again, but Sam was in class already and he knew his brother would not appreciate his phone ringing in the middle of a lecture. Dean shook ever so slightly, in his seat.  
The flight itself was not as traumatizing as the wait, but as soon as the plane landed in Seattle, Dean fled the aircraft, going straight out to catch a cab. He was still nervous, Zachariah had warned him that not being able to close the deal would be costly to the company, and to him. His phone buzzed. It was Charlie.

“Hello, Ms. Bradbury.” Dean smiled. He knew she hated being called that.  
“Fuck off, you dick.” Came his friend’s voice over the phone. “You’ve got some emails comin’ your way, about the meeting. Some new info, and a little bit of paper work.”  
“Thanks love, I’ll keep an eye out.”   
“No probs. So how was the flight?” Dean could here Charlie typing in the background as he paid the driver.  
“Better than expected. What about you, huh? Anybody givin’ ya trouble?” Dean hopped out of the cab.  
“Not so far. Zach’s been down here to drop off a whole bunch of paper work for you though. You’re desk’s pretty full now.”  
“Ah, it’s all the shit for the convention and the transfer. What a load of crap. Look I gotta let you go, they’re calling us up for the meeting.” Dean pressed the ‘close door’ button on the elevator.  
“Alrighty, have a good time. Relax and be safe. Love ya.” Charlie hung up.  
Dean heaved a sigh. It was going to be a long day.  
The meeting went slow, the lunch break coming and going in a flash. Dean was jittery, and worried, hoping that no one would come up to him.   
The last hours of the meeting were taking forever to pass, and the debate at the table was how to properly merge the companies, without the overflow of employees getting in the way. Dean sighed in annoyance the committee could not come to a consensus. Dean spent ten minutes working out a suitable cut down, going off of the paperwork Charlie had sent him.   
“Mr. Winchester. What do you think would be a good plan for the merge, seeing that the rest of this committee cannot come to a bloody agreement?” A decrepit looking man asked from the head of the table.  
Dean raised his eyes in surprise. He didn’t think he’d be called on. “Well, because both companies are so large, we won’t need to hire any more employees, we’ll need to lay people off, unfortunately. To do that properly, we should send out some Division Heads to interview the regional staff, weeding out the workers who no longer need to be there. To speed the process up, get the Regional Managers in on it, having them do some interviews, too. All in all, after we start, this should only take about two weeks. I did the math.”  
The people seated closest to him leaned in to see his note pad better, raising their eyebrows. “Well then, how do you propose we expand the tech department?” Another man asked, his brow furrowing.  
“Redistribute, then, instead of knocking people off the board. Give people ten days’ notice that they’re being moved to a different department. Hold a ten day training seminar, and send people on their merry way.” Dean concluded. “The numbers match up, there’ll be enough hands to go around.”  
“Where’s this training seminar going to be held? What about the costs it takes to ship these people out?” The same man sat up taller, challenging Dean.  
“One quarter of the revenue from our latest sales can go to getting people out of their states, here, to Seattle, where the seminar can be held, since we don’t have the space in California.” Dean looked around, seeing nods of approval.   
“Thank you for your input today Mr. Winchester. Your points will definitely be used seeing that most of the committee here agrees. You are all dismissed.” The older man from before stood.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These chapters are kinda short, I know. But how exactly am I supposed to keep you in suspense?

Dean stood in the glass hallway, looking out on the falling snow. Dean’s challenger approached. “You did well today, quick math and all. Name’s Michael.” The man held out his hand. “I heard you were new around, Mr. Winchester.”  
“Thank you, Michael. Call me Dean.” Dean took the man’s hand and shook.  
“You from Cali, or, uh, here, ‘cause I haven’t seen you around.” Michael gestured around.  
“Nah, I’m out in Cali. Just got drafted in September.”  
“Congrats, you seem to be doin’ well.”  
Dean shrugged. “It’s not that hard of a job. It’s just numbers and names.”  
“I heard you’re moving up, too.”  
“Yep. Word gets around fast.”  
“It’s a small world, even smaller community.” Michael countered.  
There was an awkward beat of silence.   
Dean looked down at his watch. “Sorry, I gotta get goin’. Gotta get back to California. Hella lot ‘a paperwork to do.” He smiled nervously.  
“Let me walk you down?” Michael raised an eye brow.  
“Sure?” Dean let Michael lead him down to the lobby.  
“Have a safe trip home, Dean.”   
“Thanks.” Dean hailed a cab.


	31. Chapter 31

“How’d it go? I heard about your little showoff session.” Charlie made her way into Dean’s office, she sat on the corner of his desk. He sat sifting through the papers that were stacked on his desk.  
“Damn, word really does travel fast around here. It was slow. But, things got resolved, and got done, so I guess that’s what’s more important.” Dean sighed. The paperwork for the convention was really extensive, he was going to be in the office late. He picked up the phone. “Hey, give me one second, I just gotta give Sammy and Cas a call, let them know I’ll be home kinda late.” Dean sighed again, Sam wasn’t going to be happy.  
“Hey.” Sam said, groggily.  
“Hey.” Dean almost whispered.  
“You okay? Was the flight alright?”   
“Yeah, it was fine. I’m fine. You guys okay?”  
“Yeah, we’re okay. Just waitin’ on you.”  
“Sam…”  
“You’re not gonna be home ‘till late.” Sam said flatly.  
“Yeah. I’m sorry, there’s just so much goddamned paperwork for this fucking convention and this last meeting. I’m really sorry, little brother.” Dean rubbed his eyes with his free hand.  
“It’s all good. I get it. I’ll see you when you get home, okay?” Sam took a deep breath.  
“Yeah,” Dean swallowed. “Yeah. Bye.”  
“Bye.”  
Dean dialed Cas. “Hey, Cas.”  
“Hello, Dean. Is everything okay? Was the flight okay?”  
“Yeah, it was okay. How’s everything?”  
“We’re okay, we got out on time. Sam was a bit upset this morning. Otherwise things ran smoothly.”  
“Good. Cas… I’m not gonna be home ‘till real late. You think you could cover for me again?”  
“Absolutely, Dean. It’s not a problem.”  
“I’m really sorry.”  
“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Dean. It’s your job. You couldn’t do anything without it. Be safe getting home, alright?”  
“Yeah, alright. See ya.” Dean hung up sullenly.

“Hey, don’t worry too much. You’ll be finished before you know it.” Charlie smiled sadly at Dean.  
“I hope so.” Dean sighed.  
After a few hours Dean put his belongings into his bag. He looked up and Zachariah stood in his doorway.  
“Dean, I heard about your contributions to the merge. I’m proud of you, good work.”  
“Thank you, Mr. Sanders.” Dean stood, and nodded once in appreciation.  
“Well, I’ll let you get out of here. Enjoy your holiday, Dean.”   
“Thanks.” Dean’s stomach twisted.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's good? Didn't I say I'd be back in a more reasonable time? Love you all.  
>  ~ThisGuy

“Hey kiddo.” Dean ruffled Sam’s hair.   
“De, hey. I didn’t think you’d be home for another couple hours.” Sam sprung up from the couch where he was sprawled out watching “A Christmas Story”, and threw his arms around his brother. “How was everything? Were the flights okay? How ‘bout the meeting? Did it go okay?”  
“Geez, dude calm down. I’m fine. The flights were fine and the meeting was slow but the companies are successfully merged, so, I guess it was worth it.” Dean shrugged.  
“Nice. You hungry? Cas made fettuccini.” Sam smiled at his brother.  
“Hell yeah. Let’s eat, lil’ bro.”  
The Winchester’s holiday started off on a good note and Dean’s worries dissipated slowly.   
Christmas morning had always been a bit of a debacle for the Winchesters. Dean was always rushing around looking for last minute gifts and edible foods. But this year was different, with the new additions it was even more of a hassle. Dean was bustling around in stores, buying more gifts than he was used to and way more food than he’d seen in years. Sam tried to help, but Dean waved him off, trying to do it all himself.   
Dean was in such a hurry to get back to the apartment he almost forgot the turkey in the Impala. “Shit!” Dean whipped around almost running straight into Castiel. “Oh, hey man.” Dean said, surprised.   
“Hello, Dean. It seems like you’re in quite a rush.” Cas backed up a few steps, keeping his arms behind his back.  
“Yeah, last minute shopping.” Dean tucked a few of his bags behind his own back. The pair stood facing each other, awkwardly trying to keep their gifts from view. Dean perked up at the sound of a door opening.   
“Dean, where’s the turkey?” Sam poked his head out the door.   
“I was just about to go back and get it, Sammy.” Dean said, eyes still locked with Cas.   
“Hurry up.” Sam slipped the gifts from Dean’s hands and shut the door again.   
Cas moved to duck around Dean at the same time as Dean moved and the pair collided again.   
“Sorry.” They said in tandem, trying again to get around each other. Suddenly Dean reached out to Cas, grabbing his shoulders. Cas leaned back to look at Dean.   
“You go this way, I’ll go that way.” Dean offered his friend a small smile. Castiel grinned back. “See you later, Cas.”  
Dean snagged the turkey from the Impala, and couldn’t help feeling that warmth again, knowing Cas had bought him a gift, too.  
Dinner was interesting, two meals in the stove, and quite a few guests. Sam and Dean bustled around the kitchen, bumping elbows and hips at every turn. Cas and Gabe lounged in the living room, setting up the tree at their leisure, and Jess moved from room to room videotaping the events.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wassup dudes and dudets? I'm back (AGAIN) and here to stay for the most part. Let's get back to it. Mawh!  
> ~This_Guy

Dinner was interesting, two meals in the stove, and quite a few guests. Sam and Dean bustled around the kitchen, bumping elbows and hips at every turn. Cas and Gabe lounged in the living room, setting up the tree at their leisure, and Jess moved from room to room videotaping the events.  
As the night settled and people did too, Dean had another experience in the shower. He had been humming “Walk This Way” all day, so by the time he hopped in the shower he was all out singing. 

I met a cheerleader, was a real young bleeder  
All the time I can reminisce  
Ah the best lovin’ with her sister and her cousin  
Started with a little kiss, like this  
And there it was again, the voice, singing right back at him.  
See-saw swingin’ with the boys in the school  
With your feet flyin’ up in the air  
Singin’ hey diddle-diddle with the kitty in the middle  
You be swingin’ like you just didn’t care

This time Dean sang back, a new song.  
We didn’t start the fire  
It was always burning since the worlds been turning  
We didn’t start the fire  
No, we didn’t light it but we tried to fight it

And the voice sang right back, a perfect rendition of Billy Joel’s lyrics.  
Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser, and Prokofiev  
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc  
Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron  
Dien Bien Phu Falls, “Rock Around the Clock”  
Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn’s got a winning team  
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland  
Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Khrushchev  
Princess Grace, Peyton Place, Trouble in the Suez

Dean was impressed. He picked a new song.  
Stars shinning bright above you  
Night breezes seem to whisper “I love you”-

Immediately the voice cut in: Birds singing in the sycamore trees  
Dream a little dream of me  
Say nighty night and kiss me  
Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me  
While I’m all alone and blue as can be  
Dream a little dream of me

Dean answered at the pause: Stars fading but I linger on dear  
Still craving your kiss  
I’m longing to linger till dawn dear  
Just saying this

And Sam was banging on the bathroom door. Dean fumbled with the faucet and stumbled out of the bathroom, quickly throwing a towel around his waist. He blushed bright red at the sight of his brother at the door and fled to their room. He hoped no one in the house heard him singing. But, now he knew the voice wasn’t his imagination.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> numero dos hoy. (number 2 today, for those non-Espanol speakers)

Christmas Day was everything Dean ever wanted for his family, Sam asleep under the tree, a drink in his hand, and the rest of his friends laughing and joking around him. Dean smiled at the sight of his little apartment filled to the brim with love and joy. He smiled at Jess who took a goofy picture of Sam sleeping and made his way out on to the fire escape. He looked out over the city and sighed. Finally something in his life had gone right. He hung his legs off the edge and looked up, and felt a presence beside him.   
“Thought you were sleep, Sammy.” He said.  
“Your brother was sent to bed, thanks to Charlie.” Castiel’s gravelly voice said in his ear.  
“Oh, heya Cas.” Dean looked over at his friend. “Merry Christmas, dude.”   
“Merry Christmas to you too.” Castiel held out a small wrapped package.  
“Thanks man, you didn’t have to.” Dean blushed.  
“You bought me a record player, new records, and several tapes, this was the least I could do.” Cas smiled back, a bit pink too. “Open it.”  
Dean peeled off the wrapping paper and laughed. “It’s a mixed tape. Like the one I got you.”  
“Yes. The saying is great minds think alike, but fools rarely differ.” Castiel smiled at Dean, his nose wrinkling in the adorable way that always made Dean’s stomach twist lovingly. Dean couldn’t help but smile back.  
“Thanks man, can wait to listen to it.”  
“Are you packed for tomorrow?” Cas asked a bit sullenly.  
“Yeah, I’m ready.” Dean dipped his head. “Well not really. I don’t want to go, you know, with everyone still here. It feels really wrong.” Dean’s smile faded.   
“We could come and visit some time, and you’ll be home before you know it.” Cas laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Dean leaned into it a bit.  
“Yeah… I guess.”  
“I used to feel this way before I went on tour. Like I was missing something back home. But by the time I was on stage it was all gone, and I was having fun. Plus, Ash and Charlie will be with you the whole time. It always helps having friends with you.” Cas rubbed the space between Dean’s shoulders unconsciously. Dean arched under his hand like a cat.  
“I wish you could come with me, Cas.” Dean chuckled a little. He turned his head to face Cas and there he was, Dean had turned right into him. They looked at each other and laughed for a moment before sobering and looking into each other’s eyes.   
Dean would forever question who leaned in first, but the movement in real time seemed almost comically synced. Their lips just barley brushed at first, both men tentatively asking nonverbal permission. Then they were moving, gently and sweet. Dean sighed, the warmth that had been pooling in his gut slowly moving through his body. He was content. They pulled back to look at each other a moment, but were almost immediately drawn back. Dean swung his legs around and shifted closer to Cas, a hand moving to his friend’s lower back. Finally, when they were both practically gasping for air, they pulled back, but stayed close, almost kissing again.   
Dean was deep red, and looked everywhere but his friends face. Castiel still had his eyes closed. Suddenly he broke the silence.  
“I haven’t kissed anyone since… since Amelia.” His eyes stayed closed and he seemed frozen. Even a little afraid. Dean’s eyes snapped to his friend’s face.   
“You oka-“ Dean was cut off by Cas plastering his lips to Dean’s again.  
When they parted again, the both sat back and blushed. This time Dean broke the silence.   
“God, I feel like a teenager all over again.” Dean laughed. Cas grinned at him, and leaned on his shoulder.   
“Me too.” Dean’s arm wrapped around Cas’s shoulder. “Dean, I’m going to miss you.”  
“Yeah me too, man.” They sat in silence for a while, occasionally turning to kiss.   
“Dean?” Cas looked at Dean after a few minutes. “Do you still love Lisa?” Dean flinched a little at the mention of her name.   
“Ummm, Cas, I don’t really want to talk, much less think about that. Especially right now.” Dean sighed. Castiel pulled back from under Dean’s arm slightly.   
“Dean, you have a son with her. I understand the conditions but, you can’t possibly feel nothing towards her.” Dean closed his eyes.  
“Okay, so we’re gonna do this right now. Fine. I call to check on Ben every now and then, and I’ve never missed a month sending Child Support. To answer your question, no. I don’t love the woman, but I care about her and my child. Are we done?”   
Castiel reeled back from under Dean’s arm completely. “Did you ever love her?”  
“Dude how much did you have to drink? You kiss me a few times and you think you completely understand my relationship with a woman who all but raped me?” Dean pulled back too.  
“I do not claim to understand but I want to. And for your information, I had one beer, several hours ago.” Castiel frowned heavily.   
“Dude, I don’t know if you learned anything about pillow talk when you were on the dating scene, but this is one way to ruin the mood. Can we not talk about my ex? Why does it matter if I loved her?” Dean grimaced.  
Castiel paused, clearly biting back what he wanted to say. Suddenly he blurted out, “I want to know if you’re going to leave me if we have sex.”   
“So, you ask about my ex?” Dean raised an eyebrow. “Cas, we haven’t even gotten that far in our relationship yet and if I’m honest I don’t typically smash and dash with people I care about. Mind you, that’s why I even stayed with Lisa in the first place. What’s really buggin’ you man, cause I think you know that.”  
Castiel bowed his head. “I want to know if you’d ever go back to her.”  
Dean frowned. “No.”  
“Why?”  
“Because she… Because I can’t… Because… I don’t know. I just wouldn’t.” Dean stuttered.  
“That’s not an answer Dean.”  
Dean laughed incredulously. “Honestly at this point I don’t see how it’s even your business. I don’t have a kid with you, I never will. And you’re less liable to rape me then Lisa. Look, if you’re worried I’m gonna leave you just say. I won’t, though. Especially not for Lisa.”   
Cas swallowed thickly. “But Ben.”   
“Yeah, Ben. I love the kid, I do. I love him. And I’d do anything for him. But he’s with his mom, he doesn’t need me Cas, not now.”  
“You don’t know that.”  
“Cas, what are you on about, man? We had a moment back there, what happened?” Dean reached out to touch Castiel’s cheek but the other man looked away. “You really think I’d leave you? Just because I left Ben and Lisa?” Dean paused watching Castiel. “I didn’t leave because of Lisa. I left because I couldn’t be in the same state where both my parents died, where I almost lost my brother, where I was in an abusive relationship with a woman who was only there for the sex. I couldn’t stick around with all that pain looming over me, and maybe that’ll change one day. Maybe it has. I still have a life there, so maybe it did when Ben was born, but right now, I’m here with you, and Sam and our friends. Okay?”  
“No.” Cas said. “Dean, you can’t turn your back on your life for me.”  
“That’s my decision, Cas. And, I’m not. I still care about them and if they ever needed me, I’d be there in a second.” Dean paused again. “I guess that makes me, love them, huh?” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”  
“Me too.” Castiel stood up.   
“Wait, Cas? That’s it? You’re done?”  
“Yes, Dean. I don’t think it’s healthy for us to continue this relationship if you have interests elsewhere.”  
Dean’s jaw dropped. He shut his mouth quickly. The warmth he had been feeling had dissipated and left room for the cold again. “Okay.” Dean sighed, shaking his head, eyes closed. “Answer me this, though, Castiel. Do you still love Amelia?”  
Castiel looked away. “That’s not a matter I wish to discuss.”  
“No, no, no. You don’t get to do that. Not after all that about Lisa. Not after practically ripping my heart out-“ Dean stopped himself, his voice cracking. “You don’t get to walk away just yet, man. Not after all that.”  
“Yes, Dean. I still love her. See you at the airport tomorrow.” And with that Castiel slipped through the window. Dean after him for a long time, long after everyone started to say their goodbyes and Sam left with Jess. Long after the moon set and the grey of daylight started to peak above the horizon. He sighed finally and got ready to leave.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afternoon, folks. Just droppin' this in for ya'll lovelies.  
> ~This_Guy

“Be safe, Dean. Call when you get in. Dude, you listening? Dean?” Sam snapped his fingers in front of Dean’s face. “Dean?”  
Dean looked at his brother suddenly. “Yeah? What’s up?”  
“Did you hear anything I just said to you?” Sam asked, frowning gently.  
“Uhhh, no.” Dean bit his lip, and blushed. “Sorry.”  
“Dude you’ve been acting strange today, you okay?” Sam searched Dean’s green-as-grass eyes.  
“Yeah, it’s just the flight spooking me.” Dean looked away quickly. “Come on let’s get back to the group.” Dean brushed past his baby brother and moved towards their small entourage. He smiled falsely at everyone, his eyes lingering a little too long on Castiel.  
Gabriel exchanged a look with Sam. Sam shrugged and threw an arm over Jessica. Gabriel shook his head and tugged Sam’s sleeve. “No, come with me.” Sam laughed nervously. “Gabriel, what’s up?”  
“What’s up with your brother?” Gabriel rounded on Sam’s much larger form.  
“I don’t know. But, he doesn’t like to fly so that might be it.” Sam shrugged and started to turn back around. Gabriel tugged him back.  
“Oh no you don’t. Let me rephrase that. What’s wrong with our brothers?” Gabriel said.  
“Gabe, what’s… What are you saying?” Sam frowned deeply.   
“Gabe? Whatever. I mean what’s wrong with them?” Gabriel wheeled Sam around to look at the group. “Look closely, Sasquatch.”  
Sam huffed out a laugh. “Sasquatch? Okay. Okay…” Sam dragged out the last syllable as realization hit him, and Gabe hit him. He batted the hand away absent mindedly. “They’re usually inseparable, standing too close together. Right now they’re practically on separate continents.”  
“Bingo, Sammy.” Gabe spun him back around.   
“It’s Sam, and so what?” Sam said with a bit of a smile.  
“This is no laughing matter, Big Guy. Your brother, is the only thing keeping my brother from going off the deep, deep end, and right now, it looks as though my little bro could be just one step closer.” Gabriel looked up at Sam.  
“Right.” Sam said sarcastically. “And you think its Dean’s fault?”  
“Well,” Gabe paused. “Not really. Cassie’s one Hell of a sensitive dude, but he’s not always right about everything.”  
“Gabe, your point is?” Sam rolled his eyes.  
“Alright, alright. I think they had a little row last night, you know, a little lover’s spat. I’m not saying its Dean’s fault, but I don’t know who’s to blame, so I’m just saying.” Gabriel scuffed his shoe against the linoleum tiling of the airport floor.  
“Gabe? Good looking out, for one. Two, my brother may be sexually confused, but he’s not in a relationship with Cas. At least not yet. Three, I don’t know what you want me to do about it. This isn’t really something I tamper with, their relations. The last time they fought, I iced Dean out and that wasn’t fun for anyone, me most of all. So, what do you want me to do?” Sam shook his head at Gabriel.  
“I don’t know. Yet.” Gabe nodded. “What’s with the nickname?”  
“I could ask you the same, Short Stack.” Sam grinned at his shorter friend.  
Gabe squinted at Sam, and laughed. He pulled a sucker from his pocket and popped it in his mouth. Then he held one out to Sam. Sam smirked and took it.   
“You share your candy with everybody, Gabe?”   
“Nah. Only special folks.” Gabe said around the sucker. It came out sounding like, “Nah. Ony spetal fucks.”  
Sam laughed. “Yeah I guess that’s me. Whatever you have planned just keep me in the loop, ya ‘spetal fuck.’” He waved the sucker at Gabe, popped in his mouth, and trotted off.  
Gabriel smirked and called after him. “Don’t run with that, you could choke.”  
Sam turned back and flipped him off, smiling around the Blow Pop.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dos hoy, podría publicar un poco más quién sabe.   
> Love ya.  
> ~This_Guy

Dean landed safely in New York, still spacey but in one piece. He was still reeling from the night before, and the pain he was feeling was almost overpowering. Charlie and Ash tried to get him to engage on the plane, but he stayed quiet, picking at the hem of his dress shirt.   
The hotel Zachariah chose to put them up at was stunning. Even Dean in his airy space was amazed, and ‘ohhed’ and ‘ahhed’ with his two companions in tow. They checked in to their rooms and agreed to meet up for breakfast the next morning. Dean trudged to his lavish suite and got a strange surprise.   
“Dean! Hey! Dean!” A voice called from behind him.  
He turned to see Michael hurrying down the hallway towards him. “Hey, Michael. How’s it going?”  
“Well. Eh, you? I mean this is a bit of a surprise, seeing you here.” Michael stopped to catch his breath. “Usually my team is the only one to be here for the convention, or are you here on unrelated business?”  
“Ah, no I’m here for the convention, too. I’m fine, thanks. Yeah, it’s weird. Didn’t mean to surprise you, but this wasn’t my doing.” Dean smiled awkwardly.  
“Oh, no, no, no. You’re not outta line, I’m just shocked pops would send a second team out, but this is great! I’m glad to see you.” Michael smiled back.  
“Ah, same here. It’s nice to see a familiar face. Pops?” Dean laughed a bit.  
“Oh, you don’t know. Zach’s my dad. Yeah.” Michael rubbed the back of his neck. “He usually only sends me for the convention, you know, keepin’ up appearances.”  
“Yeah, yeah. Well, uh, I’m gonna head in. Big day tomorrow, and a long few weeks ahead. Long flight too.” Dean laughed nervously. “Gotta rest the wings.” He flapped his arms feebly. Michael laughed.   
“Yeah. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hold you up, um, have a good night.”   
“Yeah, you too.” Dean opened the door and collapsed on the enormous bed in the center of the room. He pulled out his phone and dialed Sam. “Hey man.”  
“Sup Dean? How was the flight?” Sam’s voice floated over the little speaker, causing Dean to crack a smile.  
“Alright. I’m exhausted. How was your day?”   
“Yeah me, too. I think I had a bit too much to drink last night. I spent this morning in the bathroom.”   
Dean rolled his eyes a bit. “Thanks for the mental image, bitch.”  
“Yeah, you’re welcome, jerk.” Sam laughed. “You okay. You sound a little out of it. I mean you have all day.”  
“I’m cool. Just tired is all.” Dean rolled over on his back.  
“Right. You sure this doesn’t have anything to do with Cas? I saw you guys this morning. Icey greetings and goodbyes. You guys fighting again or something?” Sam asked pensively.  
“Uh, no. No.” Dean said slowly.  
“Then what’s the problem?”  
“I don’t know.”  
“Sure you do, Dean. You love the guy to death, even before you met him. So what’s up? What’s eating the ropes binding you two together?”  
Dean scoffed. “Why don’t you ask him? I’m peachy man. Just friggin’ peachy.”   
“Cut the bullshit, Dean.” Came a female voice over the line.  
“Hey Jess.” Dean mumbled.  
“See even my girlfriend knows somethings wrong.”  
“Oh, eat shit, Sam. I told you to ask him. Leave me be. I’ve had enough.” Dean growled.  
“Yeah, alright. Get some rest. See you… Relatively soon.” Sam hung up.   
Dean rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. It was going to be one Hell of a long month.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buenos Tardes Mi Familia! (Good Afternoon My Fam!)  
> Here's one new chapter for you all.  
> Adios  
> ~This_Guy

The next morning Dean snagged Charlie’s coffee and kissed her cheek. “Mornin’ sunshine.” He grinned at her.  
“How are you so awake after that flight?” Charlie shook her head.  
Dean laughed. He felt so dead inside. “I’ve already had my coffee.” He winked.  
“So then give me mine back.” She swiped at Dean to grab her coffee.   
“Ah, no. Come on we gotta go. Where’s Ash?” Dean looked around taking a swig of the coffee, then handing it back to a grumbling Charlie.  
“Boo.” Ash said from the seat of the booth he and Charlie shared. He sat up slowly. “I definitely had too much to drink last night.” Ash rubbed at his temples. Dean reached out for Charlie’s coffee again, she glared at him.   
“Go to Hell.” She growled. “Get your own.” Dean smirked at her, and went off to find a coffee machine.  
“Ready?” Dean said when he returned. Charlie and Ash groaned and stood. “Alrighty then. Let’s go.” The trio hopped in a cab together and set off for the Barclay Center.   
Michael greeted them there, clapping Dean on the shoulder. “Morning guys, and gal.” He smiled, introducing his team. He pointed out a woman, “This is Muriel Kovescov.” Then a young man. “Samandriel Alexander. And lastly, Kevin Tran.” The three nodded there hello’s and Dean’s team nodded theirs as Michael introduced them. “This is Dean Winchester. Charlie Bradbury and…” Michael trailed off, looking at Ash.  
“Ash.” Ash nodded.   
“Alright, nice meeting you all. Let’s get set up shall we?” Dean smiled.   
The day went by quickly. Dean was ready to collapse by the end of it, but his trip was full of surprises. Michael rode the elevator up with him, and stopped short as he moved to open the door next to Dean’s. He had hardly noticed the night before that their rooms were adjacent. He flinched slightly as Michael turned to him.   
“Dean, before we turn in… Do you want to get a drink with me?” The other man asked.   
Dean flushed crimson, and fumbled with his key for a moment. “I don’t normally get asked out by-“  
“Guys?” Michael cut in. “Damn it, I should have known-“ He mumbled to himself.  
“Co-workers.” Dean finished. “Co-workers. Michael, I’d enjoy that. But I’m not sure tonight is the best night for all that.” Dean looked down.  
“Yeah, yeah sorry.” Michael moved to open his door again, as Dean did the same.   
Dean froze in his doorway. He thought about Castiel, about Christmas, and the rejection he was still feeling. About the warmth that had receded from his chest in only a moment. Michael was reasonably attractive and he seemed to want to get to know him, unlike Castiel. Dean took a shuddering breath and wheeled around. “Mike, let’s go before I change my mind!” He called, slamming the door behind him.  
“Really?” Michael asked, fixing his coat.  
“Yeah. Yes. I’m sorry.”  
“Rough break up?”  
“No, just tired.” Dean chuckled through his lie.  
“I get it. Come on, I know a place.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola! Back at it again.   
> ~This_Guy

Wolf and Deer was a bit more upscale than Dean was used to. It had the rustic feel of Ellen’s Roadhouse, but an air of pretentiousness that was almost tangible to Dean. He shook his head a bit and laughed. “Mike, I don’t think I have the money for this place.”  
“Awoh, drinks are on me, Dean.” Michael motioned for the bartender as they chose seats. Two drinks were set down in front of them. “Thanks Geena.”   
“Any time Mikey.” The waitress winked.   
“You know everybody in New York?” Dean chucked sipping his drink.  
Michael laughed. “No. I’m just a regular.”  
“Ah. I thought you lived in Seattle.” Dean countered.   
“I rent in Seattle. I live here, when it’s not tax season.”  
It was Dean’s turn to laugh. “Right, I guess that pays off.”  
“What about you? You’re not teeth and tan like everyone else from Cali. So where are you really from?”  
“Laurence, Kansas. And Sioux Falls, South Dakota, when I’m not ‘running’ from my problems.” Dean air quoted.  
“What’s that about?” Michael mimed back to him.  
Dean chuckled again. “Tortured past, just like everyone else.”   
“Yeah. What about family? You have any?”  
“Muh brother. My parents are dead. You?”  
“Just Dad and I.” Michael sat back. “Nobody back in Lawrence?”  
“Nah, just some friends, an ex and my kid.”  
“Kid?” Michael shifted forward.  
“My son, Ben, and my ex, his mother, Lisa.” Dean shook his head, Castiel’s voice humming in the back of his mind.  
“Ah. Okay.”  
“We’re not together. And I’m unattached.” Dean said quickly.  
“So am I. I haven’t had a formal boyfriend since high school.” Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “My Dad. He’s always trying to set me up with ‘nice ladies’, and I far too busy with work. But here I am.”  
Dean smiled shyly. “Here we are.” He raised his glass to toast.   
The night came to a close with a kiss that sparked nothing in Dean’s chest. He felt so empty.  
“I had a good time.” The said at the same time. They laughed. Kissed again.  
“Well, uh, good night.” Dean said looking up at Michael.  
“See you tomorrow, Dean.” Michael said, still leaning over him.  
Dean smiled and stood on tip-toe to kiss Michael again. “Yep. Tomorrow.” He slipped from under Michael’s arm and into is room. Michael looked after him for a moment, smiling to himself.


	39. Chapter 39

The next morning at work was awkward, for Dean. He hummed to himself as Michael stood far too close at every turn, and though to himself, this is exactly why I don’t date people from work. But he smiled at Michael and let him stand as close as he pleased, and he played along when Michael led him away from the rest of the group to make out like teens in a store closet.  
“Let’s go out again tonight, Dean.” Michael whispered to Dean as they sat together on Dean’s bed.   
“Yeah, let’s.” Dean leaned forward again. Their lips met and moved together. He still felt nothing.  
And that’s how it went between them. Between Dean, and work, and Michael. How it went for two weeks. Then Dean’s trip got even stranger.  
“Hey De.” Sam was standing in Dean’s doorway. It was Saturday and Dean was still in bed, half sleeping, half watching the news. He sat up quickly.  
“Sam!” He hopped out of bed and practically leapt into his little brother’s arms. “Dude, you didn’t call to say that you were here, I would have gotten dressed and shit and picked you up at the airport and-“  
“Dean, I wanted to surprise you. And anyway, this is way more fun because now I get to go back to bed, too.” Sam chuckled and pushed Dean back toward the bed.   
The brothers crashed for about an hour more before Sam rolled over on his stomach. “We should probably go meet up with the others for breakfast soon.” He said into the pillow he claimed as his.  
Dean put his arms behind his head and smiled. “Who else is here?”   
“Jess, Gabe, Cas, Anna, Balthazar. Me.” Sam smiled at Dean as he sat up.  
“Clearly. It’s not like you spent an hour in my bed.” Sam placed his head on Dean’s chest.  
“Hi.” Sam said. Dean ran a hand through Sam’s hair. “I missed you, big brother.”  
“Hey yourself. And I missed you too.” Dean smiled at his brother’s childish behavior. “Let’s get the crew together for breakfast, yeah? Then we can hang out together all day if you want.”  
Breakfast was around a giant table at a nice diner close to the hotel and there was more love and warmth than Dean knew what to do with. Sam sat with his arm across the back of Jessica’s chair. Gabriel had brought a plus one and assumed the same position. Balthazar, Anna, and Castiel joked casually with Charlie and Ash. And Dean sat amongst all his friends and felt completely out of place. He stood and left for the restroom after paying the bill. He splashed himself with some cold water and leaned against the sink and there was Castiel, behind him.  
“Hello Dean.”  
“Cas.” Dean said, a little shocked to see his friend.  
“How has your time here been? I imagine New York is as much fun as California for you.” Castiel said a bit coldly as he washed his hands.  
Dean huffed a small laugh. “Uh, yeah. It’s new, considering where I’m from. It lives up to its name, at least for me.”  
“Yes, I suppose so.” Castiel looked in the mirror, but not meeting Dean’s mirrored gaze.  
“You haven’t-“ Dean started.  
“I guess I will be seeing you later.” The other man cut in, slipping out of the bathroom.   
It reminded Dean so much of the way he had slipped out of the window at Christmas. He shuddered, and dried his hands, quickly exiting the bathroom as well.

Sam and Dean spent the rest of the day sightseeing. They chatted about their time apart and about the next day’s plans and about nonsense as they walked the streets.  
“Dean, you never did tell me what went on between you and Cas at Christmas.” Sam said after a particularly long lull in the conversation.  
“Yeah, I guess not.” Dean watched his breath cloud the air and dissipate.   
“Dean?”  
“Yep?”  
“Are you gonna tell me?” Sam looked at his brother gently.  
“No.” Dean shook his head, warming his hands with his coffee.  
“Dean, you can’t always keep everything-“  
“Détache Samuel. Licencier.” Dean huffed.  
“Samuel, ouais? C'est bas. Vraiment bas, Dean.” Sam hissed.  
“Que veux-tu que je dise Sam? Que je suis blessé? Que je suis énervé? Que je suis-“ Dean growled  
“Je veux la vérité, Dean. La vérité.” Sam stopped him. “C'est tout.”  
“Non.” Dean said, shaking his head. “Non, Sam.”  
“Fine.” Sam closed his eyes a moment. “Fine, Dean. But please don’t shut us all out because something happened. I saw you this morning. Don’t shut down. Okay?”  
Dean nodded. “Yeah man, whatever.”  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”  
The rest of the day passed relatively uneventfully. The afternoon gave way to evening and Dean excused himself from his friends for the night, taking the scathing look from Sam with his head held high. He felt Castiel’s eyes follow him and didn’t turn to look back at him with the reprieve he wanted to. He didn’t even stop to knock on Michael’s door, but Michael stopped to knock on his.  
“Hey Mike.” Dean said quietly as he opened his door.  
“Hey Dean.” Michael echoed. “You okay?”  
“Yeah, yeah, just came back up here to finish some paper work.” Dean said sitting down at the desk again. Michael nodded. The pair stared at each other for a moment.   
“You had a guest this morning.”   
“Yeah, my brother’s in town with some of our friends for holiday. Ya know the whole big city thing was a big win for a kid who’s barley seen the ocean.” Dean said without emotion.  
“Ah, I thought he was someone else. From the way you greeted him.”  
“Jealous, Mike?” Dean quirked a small playful smile.  
“Maybe.” Michael said echoing Dean’s playfully condescending tone.  
“You know, I’m a fairly normal person, and a really good brother, so I’m not fucking him. Nor do I have any sisters to screw, so you don’t need to be jealous of my family.” Dean twisted in his chair a little.  
“Well that’s reassuring.” Michael quipped back.  
Dean just looked at him. “I didn’t even take you for the jealous type.”  
“Oh, so there’s a type?”  
“Mike, what do you want?” Dean said losing patients.  
“What do you think?” Michael said flopping down on Dean’s still unmade bed.  
“I don’t know what to think, that’s why I’m asking.”  
“Dean, come on. I took you to be smarter than this.” Michael barley raised his head to look at Dean.  
Dean wheeled around to face the desk completely. “Thank God you know I am.” Dean rolled his eyes and leaned his chin against his fingers.  
“Dean.” Michael said after a while.  
“What?”  
“What’s up with you?”  
“Don’t Michael. I took you to be smarter than this.” Dean echoed coolly.  
“Dean.” Michael said again quietly.  
“What-“ Dean spun to face Michael, quickly cutting himself off when he saw him. He was standing near the bed with a sticky note stuck to his hand that read, ‘Have sex with me?’ Dean took a moment to read and then laughed.  
“What? Too forward?” Michael watched Dean cackle with a look of disappointment.  
Dean stood up. “No, you jackass. That was spectacular.” He kissed Michael and took the piece of paper and stuck it to the other man’s forehead. “Why didn’t you just come to the door like this?”  
Michael laughed a little and kissed Dean back. “I was afraid the neighbors would see. Or your brother.”  
Dean laughed again, wrapping his arms around Michael’s waist. Dean leaned in to kiss him again. This time the kisses turned heated. Their fingers fumbled for buttons and zippers, for purchase on toned and muscled bodies.   
Dean sunk down in front of Michael and took him into his mouth, sucking slow and hard. “Jesus Dean.” Michael moaned and slid a hand into the other man’s hair. Dean resisted batting it away and continued to suck him off. Soon Michael was pulling him back up, and kissing him roughly. “Want you, Dean, wanna be in you.”  
Dean almost pushed him away. “I don’t bottom, man.” He said quickly. “You want something else fine, but I sure as Hell don’t bottom.”  
Michael took a moment to consider this. “Please?” He kissed Dean’s neck, biting down a little. “Dean, I can make it good. I promise.” He slipped a finger into Dean’s crack, rubbing over his hole gently.   
Dean swore in French. “You don’t take no for an answer, do you?” He shied away from the finger.  
“No, not really.” Michael continued suckling Dean’s neck.  
“You know that could be considered rape, right.” Dean looked Michael dead in the eyes, voice cold and emotionless.  
“I was joking, Dean. I heard you the first time.” The finger retreated.  
“Thanks.”  
“Yeah.” Michael started to rut against Dean again, still suckling at his neck.  
Dean wrapped a hand around both their shafts and stroked them until climax. Michael leaned against, boneless.   
“Mike, you should go.” Dean said after they had cleaned up. They were lying in bed together, exchanging lazy kisses.  
“You want me gone already, huh? Was I that mean?” Michael frowned.  
Dean sat up chuckling. “No, I just need new sheets and I was gonna call room service.”  
“I can’t stay?” Michael said sounding genuinely distraught.  
Dean considered him a moment. “You gonna be upset if I say no?”  
Michael shrugged, moving to grab his pants. Dean snatched them away. Michael looked up at him. “What the Hell? I thought you wanted me out?”  
“I asked you a question, Mike.” Dean looked down at him, his stony expression from earlier returning.  
“No, not really.” Michael said quickly, swiping at his trousers.   
Dean let him snatch them back. “Okay then. Go, please. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”  
“Has anyone ever told you your bedside manner sucks dick almost as well as you?” Michael snapped as he dressed.   
“No you’re a first.” Dean grinned, feigning obliviousness.  
“Well I’m glad to see a little bit of fucking doesn’t change you’re disposition.” Michael sneered.   
“Mike, cut it out. We’ll talk tomorrow, and maybe I get around to showing you my mouth is really a lot better at giving head than at mouthing off. Take a hike, man. My brother your so damn jealous of will be around in about an hour and I’m not gonna let him crash on our cum stained sheets.” Dean snapped back, stripping the bed lightning fast.  
“Wait what?” Michael whorled around. “How old’s your brother?”   
Dean flashed a genuine smile. “Twenty one.”  
Michael frowned. “He still sleeps with you?” Dean nodded. “Why?”  
“Why not?” Dean said flopping down on the bare mattress. He snagged the phone off the hook and winked at Michael. “Night, Mikey. I’ll give you a real blowjob tomorrow.”   
Michael stood still watching Dean for a moment. “You’re serious?”  
“About the blowjob, Mikey?” Dean covered the receiver with his palm.  
“No, about us?”   
Dean nodded. “Yeah, can I get some new sheets for room 77821?” He waved at Michael. The other man shook his head and left.   
True to Dean’s word, Sam slipped beneath the sheets with Dean in a little under an hour, as Dean was watching the news. His little brother’s head rested on his chest and Dean carded a hand through his hair as Sam fell asleep.


	40. Chapter 40

The next morning Sam rose slowly, his nose buried in Dean’s neck. “Dude, how are you comfortable right now?” He said, sliding down and resting his head back on Dean’s chest.  
“’M used to it, Sammy.” Dean said absently, still watching the news. “You and Jess okay?”  
“Yeah, yeah. Why’d you ask?”   
“I mean I figured you’d turn up in my bed last night, but why so early? I didn’t expect you till ‘round three?” Dean played with an errant strand of Sam’s hair.  
“I just missed you.” Sam shrugged against Dean’s side. “I haven’t slept with you in almost three weeks.”  
“M’kay.” Dean said, refocusing on the t.v.  
“What’s up with you?” Sam sat up against the head board.  
Dean looked over at him. “Nun. Why?”  
“You’re usually super talkative this time in the morning.”  
“Am I really?” Dean raised an eyebrow, skeptical.  
“Yeah, actually.” Sam squinted at him. “You were really quiet last night, too. You sure you’re okay?”  
Dean nodded sullenly. He felt horrible after he slept with Michael, but his brother didn’t need to know about it. Or maybe he did. There was a knock at the door. Dean pulled on a shirt and threw one at Sam, who tossed it back at him. It the floor with a muted ‘whump’ as Dean was greeted by a very egger Michael. Dean backed up as the taller man leaned in to kiss him.  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” Crowed Sam from the bed.  
“What the fuck?” Michael frowned at Sam.  
“I could ask you the same.” Sam blinked at Michael unphased. Dean sniggered.  
“Who’s this?” Michael asked furious.  
“I could ask the same.” Sam quipped again.  
Dean just picked up Sam’s shirt and threw it at him. “Shirt on now.” He said attempting an authoritative voice through his laughter.  
“Dean?” Michael pressed.  
“Guess, you asshole.” Dean sneered.  
“Your brother?” Michael asked timidly after a pause.   
Sam and Dean nodded. “Yep.” They said together.  
“Shit.”   
“Yeah.” Sam said mockingly, holding his shirt not bothering to dress. Dean smirked.  
“You need something, Mikey?” Dean said, an eyebrow quirked, annoyed.  
“Uh, no. Nothing I can’t come back for.”  
“Yeah, you do that buddy.” Sam slid from the bed, still shirtless, towering over both Dean and Michael.  
“You gonna introduce me, Dean?” Michael cut back, ignoring Sam.  
“You gonna leave?” Sam cocked his head.  
“Dean?” Michael asked. Dean shook his head and looked at Sam.  
“I asked you som’thin’, Mikey.” Sam took a false sweet tone.  
“Okay. I’ll call you later.” Michael took off back to his room.  
Dean shut the door. “You probably shouldn’t have been so mean. He’s technically my boss.” He chuckled.  
“And you slept with him last night?” Sam smirked.   
“Maybe.” Dean skirted around Sam’s hulking frame. Sam caught his bicep.   
“Did you?”  
“Yeah.”  
“That’s why you were so quiet.” Sam said, letting go and heading back to the bed.  
“Sure,” Dean said quietly. “Sure, Sammy.”  
“Why were you so mean?”  
“He’s a bit of a douche, Sammy.”   
“So why’d you screw him?”  
“He asked nicely.”  
“Oh’d he pay you?” Sam asked cruelly.  
Dean slammed the desk. “Get out.”  
“Dude, I’m sorry. Okay, I was way outta line there-“  
“Damn right you were, Samuel Anthony Henry Winchester!” Dean bellowed, rounding on his brother quickly, causing the younger man to jump.  
“Dean, I’m sorry.” Sam said throwing on his shirt quickly, suddenly feeling exposed under Dean’s wrath-filled gaze. “Please, I’m sorry. I really am.” Sam held his hand out in front of him.  
Dean frowned. “Sam, I’m not gonna hit you. I’m not Dad.” He said quietly. “Shit, man. Now I’m sorry, too.”  
Sam took a shuddering breath. Dean climbed on the bed, reaching out to rub Sam’s back. “I’m sorry, little brother, I’m so sorry.” Sam just leaned on Dean and cried.

Dean ordered room service for the two of them and got Sam a warm towel for his eyes when Sam woke. “Hey, kiddo. How ya feelin’?” Dean asked tentatively from the other side of the room. Sam just watched him for a while.  
Finally he spoke. “I’m sorry, De.” He said sounding little.  
“It’s all good, Sammy. I’m not mad anymore. And I’m sorry, too. Real sorry. I know that that still scares you, and I am so damn sorry.” Dean rubbed his forehead. Sam still had panic attacks if he was scared. Dean didn’t blame the kid, he’d be scared if their father beat him within an inch of his life regularly. Not to say John didn’t before he was too old to intimidate, but by the time he got around to Sam, John’s method of torture for Dean had turned psychological. So Dean was able to cope with his beatings a tad better than Sam. “You okay?”  
Sam nodded. “You know I’m okay with it, right?”  
“Sam, what are you on about?”  
“You and Mike… or whoever you choose.”  
“What?”  
“Dean, I’m not a homophobe. For God’s sake, I’m Bisexual. I’m not surprised you are too.” Sam said quickly, not quite angry or annoyed, but flustered.  
Dean paused to look at his brother. “Well that took way too long.” Dean said finally.  
“What the fuck, dude?”  
“No, no Sam. Not the apology. You, ya know. Coming out.” Dean corrected himself quickly.  
“What’d you mean?” Sam cocked his head quizzically.  
“Sam, it’s me for fuck’s sake. I raised you, I saw and heard everything when you were growing up. Down to the guys and gals you had crushes on.” Dean countered. “Thomas, Cole… Sam, could go on for days about all the guys you got hot for.”  
Sam blushed. “How long have you known?”  
“I had my suspicions when you were ten and eleven, but I really knew when you turned thirteen.” Dean shrugged. “Thomas. That’s what made me realize you went both ways. It wasn’t completely shocking, but it made me put the brakes on a couple times.”  
Sam chuckled nervously. “Well then. My statement remains, Dean.”  
“Yeah, I know.” Dean nodded.  
“You like him, De?”  
Dean paused, then shook his head. “No.”  
“You wanna stay with him?”  
“No.”  
“Why’d you do it then?” Sam asked gently.  
Dean shrugged and shrunk in on himself a little more. “We’ve been going out for a while now. It just seemed wrong not to.”  
“You gonna stay?”   
“Yeah.” Dean said weakly.  
“You don’t have to.”   
“I can’t leave, Sammy. He’s my boss’s son.”  
“Okay. Well then be careful.”  
“I know.” A knock at the door made Dean start. A voice came telling them it was room service. Dean payed and collected the food, handing over Sam’s portion.  
“I’m gonna go next door for a bit, Sammy. Check on ‘im.” Dean said quietly.  
“You care about him, De?” Sam said as Dean opened the door.  
“I guess I do.” Dean shut the door behind him. Jess was standing in front of him. “Hey sweetheart. He’s inside.” Dean kissed her cheek and opened the door for her. “I’ll be back in a minute.”  
Michael opened the door quickly and almost shut it as quick in Dean’s face. Dean held the door open with a hand on the door jam and a hand on the door. “Mike, wait, damn it.” He said as Michael continued to try to close the door.  
“Why should I, Dean? That was a wonderful stunt you pulled this morning.” Michael cut back.  
“Michael.” Dean pled with the other man quietly, and the door opened. He stepped inside and shut the door behind him. Michael stood at the window, back to Dean. “You gonna let me show you what my mouth is really good for?” Dean joked quickly, trying to soften his companion’s resolve.  
Michael scoffed. “Always the jokester, Dean.”  
“Mike, hear me out.” Dean countered frustrated.  
“Shoot.” Michael said annoyed.  
“I’m sorry about this morning, and last night. I haven’t been feeling myself recently. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I don’t like you.” Dean kicked himself mentally, what a crock of shit, he thought. “I just wasn’t ready to tell my brother yet. And now I might lose my job.” Dean mumbled.  
“I didn’t tell my Dad, Dean.” Michael said softly. “I’m not going to fire you. I’m not that petty.” Dean stood quietly. “I’m sorry, too, Dean. My behavior hasn’t been pristine recently either. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you, last night, or this morning. So there’s that.”  
Dean scuffed his shoe against the carpeting. “It’s cool, man.” Michael moved swiftly to stand in front of him. The other man cupped Dean’s face in his hands and kissed him gently.  
Dean closed his eyes and let him. He wished Michael’s lips were Castiel’s. Michael pulled away, still cupping Dean’s face. Quietly he said, “I love you, Dean.” Dean flinched, and stepped back.  
“I’ll see you tonight, Mike.” Dean left without another word.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silly, but quick little note I wanted to leave my love bugs with. I live in the Big Apple, so yes, I do know some of the scenery is a little fabricated. I'm the one who made it up, folks. But it is always nice to hear feedback about my fabricated scenery. So, thanks for stickin' me out and reading. Lots of luck and a shit tonne of luck during the school year to my Procrasti-Nation. Don't wait too long loves, that paper wont write itself. Tootles till next time dears ~This_Guy!

Dean reentered his room to quite a sight. Jess was cuddled up to Sam in his bed, but another head of hair peaked out above the comforter. “Gabe? What are you doing in here? Ya’ll havin’ a party in my bed without me?” Dean frowned.  
“Hola, Dean-o.” Gabriel sat up and greeted Dean.  
“Bonjour.” Dean countered. Jess giggled, and Sam smiled a little. “D'accord, permettez-moi de poser cette question. Comment avez-vous eu ma clé?”  
“Dean wants to know how we got the secondary key, Gabe.” Sam said smiling at his brother. “Quitte être un spectacle, Dean.”  
“Oh I just created a little diversion so Little Sammy here could get behind the desk to grab it. Jessica, my lady, was none too pleased.” Gabriel tittered.  
“Ah, I see.” Dean smiled and fist bumped Gabe. “That’s my boy, Sammy.” He ruffled Sam’s hair.  
“Oh my God, don’t encourage them.” Jessica laughed.  
“So what are we thinking about today?” Dean said, snatching his plate from Gabriel’s longing gaze. Gabe mouthed ‘childish’ at him. Dean shook his head.  
“I was thinking Top of the Rock after lunch.” Jess said.  
“I second that.” Gabriel raised his hand.  
“I concur.” Sam said adding to the dramatics that were taking place on Dean’s bed.  
“Alright, I go and see if everyone’s up for that.” Dean said through a mouth full of eggs. Sam wrinkled his nose, but nodded.  
Gabriel slid from the bed, and Jess did the same. “See you guys in a bit.” Jess waved over her shoulder.  
“You and Gabe cuddle like that a lot?” Dean quipped.  
Sam squinted at him. “Se dévisser.” Dean chuckled. “He’s just weird.” Sam ducked his head.  
“I’m not judging.” Dean smirked. “Alright, go get your scrawny ass in the shower, cause man you reek.”   
“Bye, Dean.” Sam tossed a pillow at his brother and fled the room.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola Peanuts. Snoopy here. Just wanted to remind you lovelies that the comments are open 24/7/365 until the end of the world. Constructive Criticism welcome, Kudos too, and Questions galore. This, My Dears is what i live for. While my inbox is not open for privacy reasons, My browser is always, always open and i look at these lovely comments, Kudos and questions. I Shout Out my dears who leave Kudos as the do, and sometime even follow them. So, my point hear today is not to harass the ever loving fuck out of you all to Comment or leave Kudos, but to remind you i truly love you all and want to here from you. Also, i want to remind you that this fic, as all the other ones in the works are a follow up to Rules and Regulations. Please read it. Thanks on that note. One more thing and i promise I'll leave you all alone. I'm a student, so super-duper sorry if it takes 1000000000000000000000 years to update constantly. I always fell bad looking at the date of my last posts, but none the less this fic will get finished, and i swear i have another one coming right when I'm done. Pinky Promise. Spit Swear. Whatever! I really really will. Thanks again for reading, and I'm getting out of your hair riiiiiiiggggghhhhhttttt, Now!  
> ~This_Guy!

Dean cleaned up the room a bit and finished getting ready. He set off to Anna, Balthazar and Castiel’s rooms.  
“Hey Anna. Top of the Rock after lunch?” Dean said at Anna’s door.   
Anna leaned up to kiss Dean on the cheek. “Absolutely.”  
“Morning Balthy.” Dean said at Balthazar’s door. “Top of the Rock after lunch?”  
“Sound’s spectacular.” Balthazar said leaning against the door jam. “I’ll be ready soon, dear.”  
Dean staved off Castiel for Charlie, Kevin, and Ash. They all agreed. Finally, Dean stood at Castiel’s door. He shook out is hands and prepared to knock.   
“Good morning, Dean.” Castiel said from behind him.  
“Holy shit man, you almost gave me a heart attack.” Dean turned around.  
“My apologies. How can I help you?” Castiel said just as icily as at the diner.  
“We were thinking of going to the Top of the Rock after lunch. You in?” Dean said pensively.  
“No, you all enjoy yourselves.” Castiel looked down.  
Dean looked at Castiel for a moment. “Dude, what’s that about?”   
“I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to come, given I’m a celebrity.”  
“Ah, okay. My bad.”  
“No, it’s fine. You were excited and just simply asking. I should apologize. For the lack of explanation.”  
The pair held each other’s gaze for a while. “How’s everything back home?” Dean said suddenly breaking the silence.  
“Very quiet without you. We all miss you, Dean.” Castiel said, his eyes lowered again. “Especially me.” His tone was soft. Dean was quiet. “How is work treating you?”  
“I’m lonely.” Dean said just as softly. “There’s no little brothers to pester me, no best friends to hang out with. Just me, my laptop and an ass load of paperwork.”   
“You will be home soon Dean.” Castiel said warmly. Suddenly Castiel’s endearing tone was replaced by the icy cold tone he had used earlier. “You better get going.”   
Dean sighed and nodded, stepping away from Castiel’s door. He turned to watch his friend head inside. “You never responded to any of my texts. Never called me back. Not once. Why?” Dean said before the door closed.  
Castiel peered around the door. “Let’s not.”  
“No, let’s. If you miss me why don’t you talk to me, man? You know good and well I’m still your friend, even though you shut me down two weeks ago.” Dean stepped forward.  
“Dean, I did not want to cause you pain.”  
“I miss you, too, Castiel. Isn’t that enough pain?” Dean said quietly.  
“I’m sorry.” Castiel looked away.  
“Me too.” Dean nodded.  
“Why?”  
“I hurt you on Christmas, too.” Dean mumbled. Castiel shut the door quickly. Dean sighed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola Peanuts. Snoopy here. Just wanted to remind you lovelies that the comments are open 24/7/365 until the end of the world. Constructive Criticism welcome, Kudos too, and Questions galore. This, My Dears is what i live for. While my inbox is not open for privacy reasons, My browser is always, always open and i look at these lovely comments, Kudos and questions. I Shout Out my dears who leave Kudos as the do, and sometime even follow them. So, my point hear today is not to harass the ever loving fuck out of you all to Comment or leave Kudos, but to remind you i truly love you all and want to here from you. Also, i want to remind you that this fic, as all the other ones in the works are a follow up to Rules and Regulations. Please read it. Thanks on that note. One more thing and i promise I'll leave you all alone. I'm a student, so super-duper sorry if it takes 1000000000000000000000 years to update constantly. I always fell bad looking at the date of my last posts, but none the less this fic will get finished, and i swear i have another one coming right when I'm done. Pinky Promise. Spit Swear. Whatever! I really really will. Thanks again for reading, and I'm getting out of your hair riiiiiiiggggghhhhhttttt, Now!  
> ~This_Guy!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, more is in the works.


End file.
